


The Truth Hurts

by Dying_Fire_Lives



Category: Nowhere Boys (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Australia, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, There is smut in one chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:52:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dying_Fire_Lives/pseuds/Dying_Fire_Lives
Summary: Life was weird sometimes it gave you lemons, sometimes it gave you limes. What are you supposed to do with limes? It's not like they were going to turn into lemons. Besides, I don't know what is better, lemons or limes. Lemons were bitter and horrible, how is that a good thing?!At the miserable age of sixteen, Felix Ferne experiences something for the first time. Love- for a guy. His bully to be exact. Jake Riles, the boy with a stern face and the worst personality. He was the towns bully, he was hated by nearly everyone, but why does he bully everyone? Maybe because he too, shows feelings he shouldn't for our favourite goth that isn't sure of his lemons-?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when I was like, 15 so please be nice

Felix's P.O.V

For me, it was an ordinary day. I woke up on my couch after almost pulling an all-nighter, listening to my parents fighting about Oscar, my little brother. I get it, he's not like he used to be, please stop yelling about it. But to be honest, I didn't worry about losing sleep. Sleep was a rare occurrence for me, well, comfortable sleep that is. 

Besides, Oscar was my fault. A few years ago, Oscar had an accident. I shouldn't have forced him to climb the tree with me, but I wanted to share the experience with Oscar. It was his first time, and I pushed him too hard— but I just wanted to show him something amazing! 

There was a tree, around the corner from my house, which I used to climb all the time when I needed to think. But one day I was with Oscar, and I thought he would love the view, remembering he liked to draw landscapes, so I thought the view would be good for him to draw, but that when it happened. I was encouraging him to climb up to where I was so he could see what I saw, his foot slipped. I grabbed his wrist but it was too late, his wrist slipped through my hands and he fell. 

The doctors said if he had fallen from any higher, he would have died. But I guess you could call him lucky, but he became paraplegic. This accident ruined my family. It was my entire fault— I felt so guilty; I turned to the 'dark side'. I became a Goth and began looking at weird things like magic. But I knew it wasn't real I just messed around with it in hopes of finding some way to fix Oscar, but that never happened. It was my fault, and I guess I just wanted to see if there was a way that I could possibly fix everything. 

I sighed sitting up on my couch staring at myself in the mirror to my left. My dyed black hair was unruly, with my little red hair extension at the back of my head, my brown roots peeking through. My eyes were surrounded by smudged eyeliner from the day before. I sighed confused. Why did I feel so weird today? Did I eat something weird yesterday—? Oh, never mind. 

I growled before standing up and walking over to my cupboard when all of my clothes are held when not spread all over the floor I rolled my eyes and pulled out a grey long-sleeved shirt and a black shirt with a white/grey bird on it. I pulled on my necklaces and bracelets, not bothering to change my jeans, which weren't visibly dirty. 

In the distance— aka the distance across my backyard to my house, since I live in the bungalow in the backyard, ever since Oscar's accident, I just couldn't live in the house anymore. So I moved my double bed which was rarely ever slept in since I mostly slept on the couch and I grabbed my cupboard and went out and brought a new clothing taste, and a whole bunch of creepy Halloween stuff, which is stupid considering Australia doesn't celebrate Halloween. 

I walked out of my room and into the yard where the yelling of my parents was louder. I sighed before lowering my eyes and walking in the back door to where the yelling was the loudest.

"KATHY! HE IS NOT SICK!" My Dad, Ken screamed at my mother. I instantly knew what they were fighting over— Oscar. I sighed as I listened to my mother retaliate, 

"YES, HE IS! HE HAS A FEVER! WE NEED TO GET HIM TO THE DOCTORS!" My Dad sighed giving in, 

"Fine," I quickly walked into the kitchen grabbing a banana and a granola bar, before running out of the house before they could ask me to do anything. Once outside I saw my friend, Ellen, sitting on the side of the street out front of my house, waiting for me. 

She was my only friend after Oscar's accident. It was funny because, before the accident, we were both pretty normal. But after, she became a 'Goth' like me, but not a proper one. She just dressed in black and was a bitch when she was standing up for me. I smiled weakly at her, 

"Hey." Ellen kept her face void of emotion, as usual. She kept a stone face in order to keep up the Goth act. I found it quite funny, but I didn't have the energy to laugh at it. 

"Hi. What's going on?" I frowned. Did she hear the yelling? Possibly, she only lived across the street. 

"Oscar's sick again." Ellen sighed. I guess having a best friend you can trust everything too had its negatives— because well— she knew everything. 

"Oh Felix, you know it wasn't your fault." She knew I blamed myself for the accident. Well, who else was I going to blame? I sighed and turned away, starting on the way to school. 

"Come on Ellen, or we'll be late." She nodded, standing up from her seat in the gutter, and dusting herself off.

"So how are you?" I inquired. Ellen shrugged, 

"Fine, I guess. I just feel like today's going to be weird." I frowned. I wonder if that's what I am feeling? I honestly can't trust emotions anymore, too annoying. 

"Really? I think so too." I muttered the last few words confused and quietly, causing Ellen to look at me quizzically, 

"What?" I sighed before lightly speeding up. I need to drop these thoughts, they aren't normal. Wait, what is normal? My brain suddenly sped up and I came across a quote I saw on the internet once. 

'Normal is a setting on a washing machine— no one wants to be a washing machine.' I frowned, maybe I want to be a washing machine. I clicked my tongue, yeah right— me normal? Never. 

"It's nothing. How do you think things will go down once we get to school?" Ellen let out a dry laugh,

"Seriously?" I shrugged at her, curious about her answer. "Maybe Jake, Trent and Dylan won't bully us today." I let out a bitter laugh and scoffed. Those three were our resident bullies, and the main tormenter was Jake Riles, the captain of the football club. The class failure yet amazing sports player, but also the biggest bully in the school, his favourite subject— me. 

"Yeah right, we may wish that might happen. Never will, jerks don't change. Especially, Jake, he is just— too much of a jerk to be able to be nice. Have you ever, seen Jake be nice to anyone? Even Trent or Dylan, because I have never seen it," Ellen thought about it for a moment, and when she realised that I was right, she sighed. Jake was ruthless, and he would do anything to get his way. 

"I hate it when you're right." I smiled brightly at her. Well, tried too. I was really tired. How much sleep did I get last night? When I had last checked the time it was four in the morning, and now it was near eight thirty, so about four hours at least. Maybe I can make it through the day peacefully. 

"You know you love it," Ellen smiled back at me. Ellen was great, no matter what the circumstances, she always tried to match her mood to mine, but sometimes she had to be brutal and honest, mainly when I was being stupid.

"Yeah I guess—" she stopped talking for a moment, "— Come on we're almost at school," I sighed and wiped the smile from my face. Ellen did the same. As we approached the school, the feeling I had woken up with this morning returned. But it was worse, I suddenly felt like vomiting. Thank god there was nothing in my stomach. I gulped and looked to Ellen, her face indifferent. Out of fear, my head lifted to take a look around. 

Over on the footy pitch were a few guys messing about with each other, and girls talking in groups around the pitch. I rolled my eyes at the cliché part of that and moved on surveying the rest of school. Everything else seemed normal, by that I meant Jake and his gang were heading in this direction. My eyes widened and I nudged Ellen, 

"Jerks, dead ahead," she nodded, 

"Great— just what we need for the start of the day," I quickly laughed bitterly, but I cut myself off when the three bullies were just a few metres away. And that's it, they just walked past, laughing and talking to themselves. My eyes widened and I turned to Ellen, who acted like she didn't even notice that, the three— biggest bullies in school— walked right past us, as if not knowing we were even there, which is hard to do, considering that Ellen and I were the only ones in school that ever wear all black.

"Ellen, did you notice that?" Ellen stopped and turned to me, 

"What are you talking about?" I furrowed my brows, turning and pointing to Jake and his gang, 

"Ellen, they just walked past us, without doing anything. Jake, Trent and Dylan just walked past without even as much as looking at us." Ellen turned to look at Jake and his friends. 

"Felix, they didn't walk past us— did they?" I nodded at her. Confusion was flooding through me, I just pointed the three of them to her, did she zone out or something? 

"They really did Ellen. How didn't you notice?" Ellen's eyes widened before looking away from me, her face slightly red. I furrowed my brows since when did Ellen act like this in public? 

"I— I just wasn't— I just— I just didn't notice at all. Sorry— I got to go, see you later Felix." With that, Ellen ran off. I frowned as I stared at where she was. I sighed and started off in the opposite direction, which was the direction Jake was going but was no longer there. I let out a breath of relief when I crashed into someone and fell over, 

"Oh sorry Dude, I didn't see you there." I looked up to see Sam Conte, the school's golden boy, standing in front of me, holding his hand out. I growled and shoved his hand away, 

"I don't need your help," As I pulled myself up, annoyed I allowed myself to run into someone so annoying. I quickly dusted myself and stared at Sam, "Learn to watch where you're going." Sam gasped lightly and growled at me, 

"Oi, it wasn't just me Dude, you weren't watching where you were going either," I growled back at him and pushed his shoulder, 

"Just because you're so 'popular' doesn't mean you can get away with everything!" Sam scoffed at me. Why was I acting like this? This wasn't right. Normally I would glower and storm away in a stupid way, so why was I fighting him so hard right now? 

"Come on Dude, we crashed into each other, why don't you just suck it up?" I growled right back at him, completely pissed. Where was this energy coming from? Where was this anger coming from?! 

"Because I have been having a very weird day today, and if you even think of asking me what is wrong, I will be very, very, very mad. And I swear to god you bet—" I was cut off by someone running over. Oh god, I hope it isn't a teacher— or worse, Mr Bates. Although he is a teacher, he is by far the worst, always splitting Ellen and me up when we do group projects in science class, which sadly, is often. 

I turned around to prepare myself, if it was a teacher, prepare to run. If it was a student, get ready to be pissed. I froze when I saw Jake— what the hell is he doing here? Damn it, after he ignored me I was hoping I wouldn't have to put up with him today. 

"What do you want?" I lowly growled the words and Jake scoffed, but refused to look at me, his eyes settling on Sam. 

"I want to know what the hell is going on over here," I rolled my eyes. He answered my question, but why isn't he doing anything? Wouldn't he normally be attacking me by now? 

"It's none of your concern Riles." Jake froze at the sound of his last name. My eyes widened— shit did I just piss him off? Why was I acting so boldly?! 

I quickly looked around him and saw no sign of Trent or Dylan. Thank god, maybe I can hold off Jake long enough to run away. If his friends were here, I wouldn't stand a chance, and would most likely be going home wincing. Jake then thought it would be a good time to look at me, his sky blue eyes taking me in. My eyes widened and I took a step back. This caused Jake's eyes to lash up and meet mine. I froze completely, not being able to move. Jake didn't move either, not even when he spoke to Sam, who was still present. 

"Sam, I think it's time for you to go." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sam nod, 

"Yeah, me too— Later Dudes," I resisted the urge to scoff, but it didn't matter, I still couldn't move. In the blink of an eye, Jake was suddenly advancing towards me. I freaked and started walking backwards, not taking my eye off my attacker. Eventually, my back hit the wall and I winced— I didn't know I was moving so fast.

I looked to either side of me panicking, not really wanting to be beaten up today. I sighed giving up, and closing my eyes, waiting for the blow. When it didn't happen, I slowly opened my eyes to see Jake right in front of me— like centimetres away. I gasped and began to talk when Jake's hand covered my mouth, 

"Make a noise and they will find us okay?" I nodded as Jake whispered to me.

"I'm going to take my hand away now okay?" I nodded again and waited as Jake's hand moved away, part of me not wanting it to go anywhere.

"What do you want?" Jake sighed before moving even closer. I yelped, but it was covered up as Jake placed his hand over my mouth again. I sighed rolling my eyes, then looking into Jake's eyes, as he looked into mine. Jake sighed, 

"Why do I bully you?" My eyes widened at the question. This sudden side of Jake was not something I wanted to see. It was something I wanted to get far away from as quickly as possible. I feel like if he talks to me while he is in this state, he will hate me even more and my beatings will get even worse. 

I squirmed as much as possible to try and get away, but Jake was too close, by that I mean almost all of him was touching almost all of me. Neither of us could move without feeling awkward. Jake finally moved his hand away from my mouth again. It then moved to hold my wrist. I felt something bubbling inside of me. I answered his question to distract myself from the feeling,

"You bully me because I'm a 'Freak'." Jake sighed, 

"But you're not a freak. I'm a freak, or— I think I am, I don't like labels." I scoffed, he doesn't like labels— is he crazy right now?! 

"Yeah right— you don't like labels when you're the one that gave me that name." I couldn't say what I wanted to say, which I think I might say in a moment. 

"But I am a freak— I mean, you of all people— how?" I was really confused, but I really didn't want to know where this was heading. Why was Jake speaking the way he was speaking? It didn't make any sense whatsoever. 

"Jake— please just get off of me." Fear was flooding through my veins and I wanted to get away from him as quickly as I could. I froze when Jake gained my eye contact, 

"What did you say?" I couldn't say it again— I just can't say it? I feel like if I say it, I will disappoint him. Why was I so worried right now?! I'm scared! I wanted to cry, but I was too scared to, I didn't want him to see. Why did I feel like a child around him? 

"Did you say please, Felix?" I felt the feeling again when he called me by my name. I nodded, unable to form words. Jake frowned but moved closer to me. So much his legs were lined with mine, and his chest was touching mine. Jake was just a few centimetres taller than me, so our height was relatively the same— or close to— I guess. Jake's nose touched mine and I gasped. Why was he so close to me?! 

"What are you doing Jake? Get off me," I almost screamed as I tried too hard to push him away, but he already had a hold of one wrist, and it was too easy for him to grab the other.

"I don't know why I'm doing this Felix. Just don't go," I winced as Jake's face moved from in front of my face, to in my neck. I froze again and stiffened.

"Jake, I— you hate me— you bully me— you can't be doing this. I have to be dreaming, or you're just playing a joke on me— just please let go of me." Jake gasped, before nodding.

"Just one thing," I sighed, sick of what he was doing. These emotions battling inside of me were beginning to hurt my chest. 

"What is it, Jake?" Jake froze before moving slightly and biting down on my neck, I cried out at the spectacular feeling. I froze again, before squirming. Jake finally let go of my wrists, and I used my hands to push Jake away. One hand lashed up to my neck, I quickly pulled away to check for blood. There was none thank god.

"What the hell was that for? You don't just go around biting people," I was freaking out. I saw Jake wasn't looking at me so I took the chance to run. I ran as quickly as I could, my bag on my shoulder, banging against my knees, which felt like they were ready to give out. But I couldn't stop; I needed to get as much distance as I can between me and Jake— why does it keep on sounding so nice when I say his name? And why the hell did he bite me? 

I sighed, before rounding a corner and collapsing against the wall. I slid down to the ground as people began to walk around me. Quite frankly I couldn't give a damn about anyone else right now. I quickly pulled out my phone and looked at the time, there's still ten minutes before the bell— how is that possible? I sighed before standing up again. I threw my head back, before surveying the passageway. I kept an eye out for Ellen, but I couldn't find her at all. But I did see Jake— I gasped before disappearing into the crowd before he saw me.

I was lucky and he didn't see me, I smiled but then frowned at the feeling of sadness in my stomach. Did I feel bad for running away from Jake? But why— I mean, he was kind of cute— wait, what the hell? I did not just think that— nope, I did. I curled into myself a little before staring at the wrists that were being held by Jake Riles just a few minutes ago, wrists that were— I scoffed before looking away and standing up again as if he could ever like me. As if I could ever like him— right?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Jake's P.O.V

I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking, and I'm sure I've just made everything worse— well was anything good about this, to begin with? I was just sick of these feelings, wait— was I sick of them, or did I just want them to be real? To bring them to life— that would simply make my world. But, I remember the day everything started like it was yesterday. 

*Flashback A Month Ago*

"Where you running freak?!" I called out to the Gothic boy who was now running from me. This was normal; he never stood up to me, only Trent or Dylan. I laughed as I ran after him, gaining on him quickly, before pulling him into a classroom, proceeding to close and lock the door. I smirked as a panicked look crossed his face. My smirk faltered slightly. I began to feel bad for doing this, 

"Don't be scared Freak— this won't hurt— much," Where did that moment of weakness come from? It was so sudden it shocked me, but before Felix could notice I pulled myself together, and the panicked expression excited me. It simply made me want to hurt him until he was useless, ha, like he wasn't really. I shook my head and regained my sanity before advancing on the freak and lifting him up by his shirt. He didn't even bother trying to run away from me, it was useless now. 

"Let go of me." His words were strong, but the fear was evident. I scoffed at his lame attempt of trying to escape, 

"Or what, Freak? You gonna set your girlfriend onto me?" The word 'Girlfriend' left a bad taste in my mouth, but what was baffling was Felix's confused expression, 

"I don't— have a girlfriend." For some reason, I felt happy about that. But, I thought he was dating that weird Goth chick he hangs out with. Oh well, I guess I was wrong. 

"Then no one can help you." With that, I punched him in the stomach, but something felt weird about it. I felt like pins and needles were up to my arms, making them useless against Felix. I then dropped him to the ground, annoyed that my arms didn't want to work. I lifted my leg back and slammed the tip right into Felix's ribcage, the same feeling appearing again in my foot. 

My eyes widened and I took a step back from Felix, confused about what was going on. I wanted to hurt Felix, but somewhere deep inside of me, I felt bad for doing it. Before I could stop myself, I had turned around, unlocking the door and I bolted out of the room and away from Felix as fast as I could. 

*Over*

That night the dreams started. They weren't ordinary dreams, they were about Felix— and he and I were together— doing stuff, like sexual stuff. It freaked me right out, but after a while I liked it— I liked him. At least I think I did. It took a bit of getting used to, but soon enough, my feelings for Felix really were real, and all I wanted was to be close to Felix. 

But I knew I couldn't do that. I was his bully, and if I were to be close to him, it would be to bully him. And if Trent and Dylan are around, then I really can't do it. Every time Trent or Dylan suggest we should beat Felix up, my stomach churns and I want to hit them for suggesting something so stupid.

Then today I lost control. I made sure not to mess with Felix. Trent and Dylan never start anything unless I start it first, so we just walked past. But I needed contact; so I ditched Trent and Dylan and went out looking for Felix. When I found him, he was having a heated argument with Sam Conte, my sort of friend.

When I cut in, Felix was pissed. But his demeanour changed the second he looked at me. I made sure not to look at him because I knew I would be screwed otherwise. That's when I looked at him, and I knew I had to do something, even if it would screw me for life, my feelings beginning to take over control of my body and brain. 

"Sam, I think it's time for you to go." I panicked as soon as the words left my mouth; I know I would now be alone with Felix. I watched Sam nod. Sam may have been my friend, but when he is a part of an awkward situation, that boy gets out of there quicker than lightning. 

"Yeah, me too— Later Dudes." I watched as Felix tried not to scoff. I smiled at him, but it disappeared quickly so he wouldn't see it if he did I think I would be screwed. Felix wasn't concentrating on me, so I took the opportunity of Felix being distracted to move close to him, so close I was touching him. I wanted to cry out in happiness. Felix was about to scream out so my hand quickly lashed out to cover his mouth, 

"Make a noise and they will find us okay?" Felix nodded as I whispered those words to him. I instantly knew that he wouldn't say anything now. I had control over Felix, but it was through fear. He was the only person I want to control with love. But I can't ever let him see that side of me.

"I'm going to take my hand away now okay?" Felix nodded and I resisted the urge to smile when Felix didn't move or scream when my hand left his mouth. I didn't move away, as Felix talked sassily back to me, 

"What do you want?" I sighed before moving even closer. Felix yelped, it was so cute, but I had to cover up so I placed my hand over his mouth again. Felix sighed rolling his eyes again, he was so cute— he then looked into my eyes, as I looked into his. I sighed and asked the question that has been bugging me, ever since the feeling started, 

"Why do I bully you?" Felix's eyes widened at my question. Felix squirmed as much as possible to try and get away, but I was too close, it was inevitable; he wasn't getting away until I moved away. Oh, I wanted to kiss him so badly. But by being so close, meant that I was that almost all of me was touching almost all of him. 

Neither of us could move without feeling awkward, well I guess that it what Felix is feeling, I felt so happy right now, but I couldn't show it. I finally moved my hand away from his mouth again. I then moved my hand to hold Felix's wrist. Felix's face changed, as if he was thinking about something, or feeling something. He finally answered my question,

"You bully me because I'm a 'Freak'." I sighed. Felix, you're not a freak I am. My face saddened. Does he actually believe that he is a freak? Was that my fault? Oh god, if it was I want to take it back. Felix, you aren't a freak! 

"But you're not a freak. I'm a freak, or— I think I am I don't like labels." My choice of word caused Felix to scoff at me. I frowned; I can't believe I made him hate me so much. I don't really know where my original stemming of hateful bullying came from, but sometimes I feel like I do it to try and get my father's attention, and fail. 

"Yeah right— you don't like labels when you're the one that gave me that name." I couldn't believe he hates me so much. I didn't know he actually hated me so much. Well, I mean of course he would. I'm the asshole that has spent the last two years bullying him! I'm surprised he's not trying to hit me right now, he just looks— scared. 

"I think I was reflecting my self-vision onto you, Felix. You were the perfect candidate." I think Felix was officially confused, Felix looked so scared. 

"Jake— please just get off of me." My name. I raised my eyes from the ground as I caught Felix's gaze, causing the Gothic boy to freeze. 

"What did you say?" I asked, what did he say; I needed to know why can't he just say it? Felix's silence was horrifying. Does he think he'll disappoint me? Impossible, I know he doesn't like me. This is all just one sided, but really, what did he say? "Did you say please Felix?" I could tell I affected him by saying his name. 

Felix nodded in answer to my question, unable to form words. I frowned but moved closer to him; so much my legs and chest were touching his, with no space at all. My nose touched his and I watched as he gasped. 

At this proximity, I could see Felix's face clearly. His pale skin, bringing his soft brown eyes out. It was cute because around his eyes was black smudged eyeliner, and it looked adorable and I just wanted to see him wearing it properly and not just leftovers.

"What are you doing Jake? Get off me," Felix's reaction to my proximity was to begin fighting, but I didn't want that. My brain wasn't working as Felix almost screamed, but he didn't. After quietened down, he tried to push me away, but all I had to do was grab his wrist that was not already in my grasp. It was too easy for me to grab it. I had to tell him, but I couldn't, I knew I couldn't tell him; otherwise I would be done for—Felix was everything in my eyes, and I was acting like a five-year-old having a tantrum in a candy store, and Felix was my candy. 

"I don't know why I'm doing this Felix. Just don't go," Felix winced as I moved my face from in front of his to in the crook of his neck. Felix froze again and stiffened. I felt so happy I was affecting him; I was just hoping it was in the way I hoped. Felix was stuttering as I lightly smelled him. 

"Jake, I— you hate me— you bully me— you can't be doing this. I have to be dreaming, or you're just playing a joke on me— just please let go of me." I gasped, before nodding. He thought I was playing a joke on him, or that he was dreaming— does that mean he dreams of me like I dream of him? I smiled quickly before it faded. Of course, he doesn't, I was just thinking stupidly like a love struck puppy.

"Just one thing," I muttered and Felix sighed, I get the feeling he didn't want to be here right now. Well, I'm his bully, I'd want to run away too if I were him. 

"What is it, Jake?" I froze before moving slightly and biting down on his neck. My brain didn't ever register that I was actually biting someone. Felix cried out at the feeling. 

My senses were simply overloaded with Felix. He tasted even better than he smelled. For some reason, my brain just thought of vampires from weird movies saying that, but I wasn't drinking his blood, merely— tasting his skin. Yeah, that's not any better.

It's just Felix smells so— yum, it must be his deodorant or something. Felix froze again, before squirming hard. I sighed in my head, finally let go of his wrists, meaning he was finally able to use his hands to push me away. After I was off him, one of his hand lashed up to his own neck, it seemed he was checking for blood because he quickly pulled it away. He looked happy about the sight of his hands— what? 

"What the hell was that for? You don't just go around biting people," I sighed, before collapsing on the ground and staring at the ground. Felix took the time to run off. I felt like crying, fuck I scared him. That wasn't supposed to happen, jeez, I wasn't even supposed to like him.

I need to go find him and apologise. I sighed, standing up and followed him in the general direction I could see him going. When I almost caught up to him when he spotted me and merged into the crowd. Fuck, now I can't see him as well, because you have to admit, if you are going to wear all black to school, you are going to stand out like fuck.

I smirked as I spotted him in the crowd, running over to him, before dragging him into an empty classroom. Seriously, what is it with all the empty classrooms in the school? I sighed before closing and locking the door, giving me a sense of déjà vu. 

Felix's P.O.V

I couldn't scream, it was caught in my throat. I get the feeling this is where Jake is now going to beat me up— ah fuck, I'm done for. Everything that just happened outside ran through my head. What does that all mean? 

"Felix, calm down." I froze at Jake's calm use of my name. He seemed different, again. Why does he have so many personalities today?! 

"Why Jake? What do you want? To freak me out like before? Don't Jake, I just— don't understand, why would you do something like that?" Jake sighed. Why was I reacting this way? Where has my cool, level head gone? Is it because it's Jake? What's so special about him? 

Only just now, I realised his back was to me. I frowned, walking over to him, touching his shoulder. Why was I so concerned about him? This guy was my bully, bully! Not friend, bully! Yet, all I want to do right now I comfort him. 

"Jake— are you okay?" I asked as my hand touched him. Jake froze before grabbing my hand, turning himself, and myself around, so now my back was to him, and my back was touching his chest. He used his arms to trap my own arms around my waist. I yelped at the feeling of his arms around my waist, I tensed at the feeling of Jake's breath on my ear, 

"Why is it like this Felix? Why can't we be friends?" I stiffened at the feeling of Jake's lips on my ear. 

"Because we're different, you bully people, and I'm the freak with a disabled brother because it's my fault." Jake sighed, tightening his arms around me, 

"It's not your fault your brother is in a wheelchair," I growled, and managed to turn myself around in Jake's arms. His grip tightened even more. My arms moved up to sit on his chest, 

"Seriously just let me go, Jake, you're just messing with my head." Jake sighed, before looking me in the eyes, 

"Is this messing with your head?" With that, he kissed me, on the lips— hard. My eyes widened at the feeling of Jake's chapped lips on mine. What is this? This can't be real.

"Jake—?" I mumbled out Jake's name in the kiss but he cut me off. 

"Don't talk— just kiss," As Jake spoke, he didn't break the kiss. But for some reason, I couldn't fight it, so I kissed him back. My mind no longer in control as my hands moved from his chest to have one sit at the back of his neck, and the other holding his cheek, moving him harder against me. My mouth opened up as I began to kiss Jake harder. These feelings were weird, but I didn't care. 

"Felix—" I sighed, suddenly annoyed that Jake was trying to talk. I continuing to kiss him, hoping he would be quiet. "Felix."

"What?" I mumbled and Jake pulled away from me.

"We need to go," I frowned, a confused look crossed my face. Why did I feel so stupid at the moment, this was my chance to get away, yet here I was, standing here stupidly. 

"Why?" Jake laughed, his cheeks tingeing red slightly. 

"The bell went. We'll be late for class." I gasped, my eyes widening as I pulled away from Jake, the taller boy letting me go for the first time ever. 

"Sorry— that shouldn't have happened. I need to go," The words left my mouth and Jake nodded sadly as if knowing something I didn't. 

"Yeah, of course," I frowned as I grabbed my bag, which had dropped off my shoulder as I was pulled into Jake's grip earlier. I was about to leave when Jake called out to me, 

"Felix." I froze, turning around to face him. 

"What, Jake?" Jake sighed, a shy look on his face. 

"Meet me here at the break. Please?" I didn't agree or disagree.

"Maybe," And with that, I ran off to my locker where Ellen was waiting with a pissed look on her face, 

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Ellen scoffed at me. 

"You ditched me." I let out a bitter laugh at her, confused about her actions today. 

"Ellen, you ditched me." Ellen scoffed again. What is with her? No, what is with everyone?! Are we in a weird world?! 

"No, you ditched me," I frowned, confused about why Ellen was so adamant about me being the one to ditch her when she ditched me.

"Ellen, you ditched me after I made that comment about Jake and his gang," Ellen growled at me, a pissed off look on her face. 

"To think I like you. Leave me alone," My eyes widened as I backed away from Ellen. Did Ellen just confess to me? What— what the fuck?! 

"You like me? Like— a crush like?" She scoffed and nodded lightly, 

"Of course I liked you. Do you really think I would hang out with you all these years if I didn't? God, you're horrible, I can't believe I liked you. Don't talk to me again— ever." With that, she stormed off. Okay, that was weird. Did she expect me to realise my feelings for her and run off after her, confessing my love for her or some shit? Oh my god, today has been insane and it's not even nine. 

I shook my head, dropping the thought from my head. I grabbed my books from my locker and shoved them in my bag running to class. I arrived right on the bell, so technically, I wasn't late. My teacher, Mr Bates, turned to the door as he saw me, 

"Ah, Felix, just in time, that's new," I rolled my eyes before taking a seat up the back. There was still an empty seat next to me, but everyone was in class— except for Ellen. I sighed resting my head on my hands which were in front of me on the table.

The class flew by, and it was now break. In the whole hour and a half, I had been locked in that room, I couldn't stop think about Jake. The kiss we shared before— the one I didn't reject. It just— I liked it. I just— I have never been kissed before, but it sure seemed like Jake had. 

Sudden thoughts about how many other people Jake kissed in his life came into my head, and I was extremely worried now. I refused to believe that no one had kissed him before. I furrowed my brows as I thought more about whether or not to go to the classroom or not. If I go, will he pull a prank on me, or is he serious about this whole thing? Because I have no fucking clue. 

Jake was being one of the most bipolar people I have ever met, and I'm friends with Ellen who ditched me, then comes up to me saying I ditched her— and then she confesses— oh yeah, I am so done with today. 

I sighed as I walked to the classroom. I know I am going to regret this. I stood out front of the door for a minute before actually going in. If I get attacked, I need to remember to stay away from Jake as much as possible, and even if I don't get attacked, I am going to stay away from him as much as possible, which may be hard because, for some annoying reason, I really don't want to be away from Jake.

Great— I am either going to my death or going to my death. This is going to be fun— not. As I slowly slid the door open, there was Jake sitting on a table. His head lashed up and he smiled lightly, this new side of Jake weirding me out. 

"Hi." I frowned as I closed the door locking it. Yep— I just got myself killed, 

"Hi Jake, what do you want this time?" Jake frowned, confused about why I didn't know what he wanted. Well, how was I supposed to know? I'm not telepathic! 

"You couldn't tell?" I shook my head at him, annoyed that he thought I was that smart because honestly, I'm not. 

"No, you didn't give me that many hints. How the fuck was I supposed to know?" Jake smirked suddenly and fear pumped through my veins.

"I thought it was obvious," he said as he hopped off the table and moved towards me. I felt like I should back away, but my body refused and I moved closer and closer to my doom. 

"Why are you doing this Jake?" Jake smiled, his smirk now gone. He looked nicer when he smiled, not as— sad. 

"I don't even know, but I like it. I like you, a lot. And I can't control it anymore." I frowned, his words baffling me— is he confessing now too? 

"And how long have you been controlling it exactly?" By now I was right in front of Jake. He placed his hands on my hips and lifted me up sitting me on a table. I squeaked and grabbed the table as soon as I was sitting. 

"Do you remember the last time I beat you up?" I stopped and thought about it for a moment, 

"Was that the time you stopped after only hitting me a few times?" Jake nodded, spreading my legs to stand in between them. I gasped as his hand rested on my leg, 

"Since then— that's how long I have liked you. When I was hitting you, I felt something. And it scared me so I ran off. After that, I couldn't touch you without feeling that feeling. And I loved it, so I stuck with just bumping into you and not hitting you. I can't stop thinking about you Felix— I just—" he trailed off. I rolled my eyes, a new courage taking over me, 

"Oh just shut up." And with that, I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him. I watched as his eyes widened at my advance, before smiling and returning my kiss. The hand that wasn't on my leg moved from where it was onto my cheek, holding me close. While my hands moved from holding the table to holding onto Jake's neck.

It was bliss, and both of us knew it was very wrong, but for now. We would forget about the truth because quite frankly it hurts. For some reason, it hurt to know that Jake liked me— I mean, he bullied me for years! And now we are making out in a school classroom, I don't believe it. And I really, really hope that I am not dreaming right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Felix's P.O.V

It was weird. I've never felt like this before, well, I've never kissed anyone like this before, sorry, correction, I've never kissed anyone at all! Jake's lips were pressed to mine and they were moving lightly, my own moving in return. It baffled me how we were going this, but we were doing it, and I wasn't hating it. 

Soon, the time came when the bell rang and we had to pull away. The weird part about that is that it meant we had been kissing for almost twenty minutes. How the hell did we manage that, because I am pretty sure we didn't pull away at all? 

"We need to go," I muttered and Jake nodded, resting his forehead on mine, his breathing laboured. My body rang with tingles and I felt so excited. I wanted to keep kissing Jake, but I both knew that was wrong, and almost mostly hormones speaking. 

"Yeah—" Jake leant in and kissed me again, snatching my breath away with every touch. I sighed lightly, nipping at his lip lightly causing the taller boy to pull away. 

"I—" I wanted to say something but now, I couldn't find the words. Jake sighed and kissed me again, and continued kissing me in between every word he uttered. 

"Felix—" "I—" "Just—" "Don't—" "Want—" "To—" "Leave—" "You—" "Alone—'" I smiled I smiled at his words and leant in, pressing my lip to Jake's, 

"So, is this it?" I asked, confused about the events that were about to unravel. Jake frowned at me, at my words. 

"What do you mean?" I frowned and jumped off the table, Jake moved back to give me space but kept a hold of my hips. I honestly didn't want him to let go of my either, but deep down, I knew this was just hormones. Everything about this situation was, there was nothing real to it. 

"I mean, we aren't anything right. We are just two guys that kiss right? I mean we can't be anything else right?" Jake's face looked crestfallen. It was just an act, he didn't think he would lose the boy toy he teased so quickly. He had to know that I had a brain, that I wasn't stupid. 

"Yeah— of course, why would it be anything else, right?" I nodded. What was with the 'right'? I knew I was hurting him, but it was the truth. He didn't want anything serious from me, and this was mostly against my will at the start of it. 

"I mean, we aren't even friends Jake, how could we be anything else?" Jake frowned, dropping his grip. Where were my words coming from? 

"We could be friends." I froze, my eyes widening. He can't actually be serious? I shook the thought of his actually planning this out from my head. There was no way, this was just a one-time thing and it will never happen again because he hates me and I hate him. 

"Now is not the time to talk about it, or we are going to be late for class." Jake nodded and followed me as I left the room. No one noticed because they were all too busy getting their things for class. I let out a breath of relief but hid it when I saw the hurt look on Jake's face. Did I just hurt Jake's feelings by saying we weren't even friends, we were just two people that kissed, for long periods of time? Did he really like me? Oh god— what have I done? 

Jake's P.O.V

He doesn't really like me— why— I told him my feelings, did he not believe me? My chest hurt— was he lying to me? Did he just not want to get close to me? I need to talk to him— no I don't, he hurt me— I just need to stay away. That's all I need to do, then maybe he won't hate me. Yeah— that's what I'll do, just disappear for a few days, keep my distance from Felix, and maybe he won't hate me. That's all I have to do, just stay away. 

With those words, my choice was made. I left school after break and went home. I sighed looking around the house to see Mum wasn't there. I frowned, she works too much, why can't she just have a day off? Oh well, at least I won't get in trouble straight away, I won't get in trouble until she gets off work, which is at six, and it's only eleven now. I sighed, collapsing on the couch. 

"Why me?" I frowned, before rolling onto my side and falling asleep.

***************************

"Jake, wake up sweetie." I moaned and opened my eyes to see my Mum, Sarah, sitting on the couch next to my body. Crap, how long did I sleep for? Does she know I cut class? She isn't acting like she knows. 

"Mum— what are you doing home?" Mum smiled weakly down at me, a sad look in her eyes. Oh, I think she knows I cut class. She never has that look unless she is having a really bad day, but that's when she tried to hide it from me. 

"Works finished, and I came home straight away because I got a call from your school saying you weren't in class." I frowned and sat up. Why isn't she yelling at me? I cut class, I did something bad, why isn't she mad? She just looks— sad. 

"Yeah— look, Mum, about that. I can't go to school. Just for a week or so, but I just— I—" How do I explain this without sounding creepy? Yeah, Mum, I like this guy at school, but I used to be his bully, but then today I kissed him and he kissed back, but then he went and broke my heart? I sighed. That is so not coming out of my mouth. 

"Is it someone at school?" I nodded stiffly, wondering how she knew. Mum smiled down at me, 

"Okay, do you like them?" I nodded again and looked away. She knew me too well, now I know why she was my mother. 

"Is it a he or a she?" My eyes widened and looked to Mum. What the hell happened while I was asleep?! Who the fuck did she talk to when the school called her. As far as I know, Felix and I were the only ones that know I like Felix and there was very little chance of Felix telling anyone, he wasn't up for more bullying. Maybe that's why he rejected me because he thought I was fucking around with him. 

"Why would you ask that question?" Mum laughed, her face a light red. I suddenly grew concerned. 

"Because I am pretty sure no person would name their daughter Felix." My eyes widened again. Oh shit—

"How do you know that?" Mum smiled at me, sitting her hand on my shoulder, her face darkening even more. Her touch was different from Felix's, this made me relaxed. Felix's woke me up and made me feel alive. Mum made me feel like a child again. 

"Because you talk in your sleep, it's something you have always done, and so when you have those dreams— you tend to say his name— a lot, loudly." I blushed deeply, the memories of wonderful blissful dreams and annoying bullshit to deal with in the morning returning to my head. 

"So you know? And you're okay with it?" Mum smiled at me and confused look on her face. 

"Of course Jakie, I'm so happy you're growing up." Mum's smile grew and I smiled lightly at her, my face flushed. 

"Does that mean I can stay home? It will just be for a few days," Mum nodded while sighing lightly. 

"Of course, I just— I am hoping you don't get hurt." I smiled weakly at her, "And you can't stay from school too long. You have to go back next Monday, or Friday if you can, okay?" 

"I'll try not to get hurt, Mum." A memory from something suddenly came into my head. "But Mum. Doesn't it mean if it hurts, you're really in love?" Mum froze at my words, but nodded sadly, seeing the meaning in them. 

"I hate that you know that son. Now— how about take away tonight since it's too late for normal food." I nodded at her, worried about what she was going to do. Can she even afford to buy takeaway tonight? 

"Sounds good Mum," Mum smiled at me and stood up and started moving out of the room.

"Now why don't you go have another sleep and I'll go get tea." I nodded, as I stood up to follow her as she left the house. Once she was gone, I walked to my room. I felt tired again. Once I reached my room, I fell on my bed and fell asleep instantly. Damn, this day took more out of me than I thought it would. 

"Jake, wake up." A voice interrupted my sleep and I almost screamed. I jumped at the sound of his voice. I knew it anywhere; I opened my eyes to see Felix sitting on my bed, next to me.

"Felix— what are you doing here?" I was so confused. This wasn't possible, did Felix even know where I lived? Felix smiled down at me, 

"Your Mum let me in. I came over to see if you were okay, you disappeared after the break." I frowned, sitting up. Why would he care that I left after break? It's not like he cared for me or anything. 

"Yeah, I know. I left on purpose; I left to get away from you." Felix's face skyrocketed from happy to sad and confused. Why was he acting so oddly?! 

"What? Why? Did I do something wrong?" I shook my head, trying to get the pounding thoughts away from my mind. 

"No, it was me. I thought I needed to get away from you so you could get used to me being around you. I thought you didn't want me around you." Honestly, I think I was mostly planning on giving up. I knew there was no use in a relationship like this and I knew Felix was never going to feel the same about me. Felix looked happy and sad at the same time— honestly, I don't know how the boy looked like that. But it didn't stop his from looking beautiful. 

"Oh Jake, I love you," With that Felix leant forward placing his lips on mine. I smiled moving my hands to his neck to pull him closer. I know what's going on now. Why would Felix ever come and visit me? Felix pulled away, smirking down at me. 

"Nope, my turn." I frowned and cocked my head at him. Felix then proceeded to grab my wrists and pin them to the bed. Felix then climbed on top of me, so he was straddling my hips, as he reconnected our lips. Felix bit down lightly on my lower lip, causing me to moan lightly in the back of my throat.

"Felix, what are you doing?" Felix pulled away smirking, 

"I'm taking care of you." He then proceeded to move his lips to my neck, to the exact spot I hate bit him earlier and started sucking. I moaned and moved my hips up, feeling Felix in his sexy black jeans— which were now gone— the same with his shirt and my shirt— oh crap— I knew it was too good to be true. I yelped as Felix bit down hard on my shoulder, 

"No getting distracted Jake, pay attention to me." I nodded and gulped— what is he going to do? I closed my eyes as I felt Felix slowly kissing down my chest, getting lower and lower, before moving back up. I growled at him and he laughed, 

"Oh, Jake— I wouldn't do that if I were you. Now just relax and let me take care of you," I nodded and did as he said. I had suddenly entered a world of bliss when I was awoken, 

"Jake, wake up." My eyes shot open against my pillow, and I launched up, almost knocking mum over in the process, 

"Oh— Mum, sorry. You back already?" she smiled at me. 

"Jakie, I've been gone an hour. You were asleep— and having a dream. Now tea is in the lounge, come out when you're ready." I nodded confusedly about what she meant. Once she was gone I stood up and I noticed it— I looked down to see myself— I was seriously? I— but how— it was a dream— I thought it wasn't possible. I blushed as I realised I just dreamt about Felix coming onto me— I had never dreamed like that before, it had always been the other way around. I blushed even harder at the thought, 

"Oh god, I am so, so, so, so, so screwed." I laughed bitterly throwing my head back and groaning. How the hell am I going to put up with this?

Felix's P.O.V

Jake wasn't at school for the rest of the day. I frowned, was it something I said or did? God, I hope not. I went through the day, as per normal, but with no one annoying me, and no one to hang out with. I sighed as the final bell went dismissing everyone from class. Finally free for the day.

I thought I was going to see Jake at school the next day, so I could apologise, but he didn't show. All week he was a no show, and I was worried. Did I really say something that could have hurt his feelings? Did he even have feelings? Well of course he did, he said he liked me right? So that means he must have feelings.

I sighed slamming my locker shut. It was finally the end of Friday which meant the end of the week. I smiled lightly but frowned remembering Jake wasn't at school. I sighed, why was this affecting me so much? I just need to drop it, and forget all about it. But how can I? I mean come on; the guy took my first kiss. Plus we made out— like a lot. I growled, 

"Seriously Felix just get it out of your head." I hit myself on my head for good measure. I sighed before looking around the halls finding them empty; I banged my head on my locker a few times for good measure.

"I would stop if I were you. We wouldn't want to damage any more of those beautiful brain cells of yours do you?" I instantly stopped as my head lashed up to see Jake leaning against a locker a few feet away from mine, 

"What do you want Jake?" both anger and happiness were bubbling in my stomach. Jake frowned, 

"I wanted to see you," I rolled my eyes, 

"Yeah— well it only took you four days." I was mad. I frowned and leant my head against my locker, not really wanting to look at Jake, who was acting like nothing over the past week has happened. "Did I do— something wrong?" Jake gasped and ran over to me, grabbing a hold of my shoulders and shaking me lightly, trying to capture my complete attention. Well, it was already on him, so what's the use? 

"God no Felix— it was just me and my brain being all stupid. I just, made a mistake with something— no— I— ugg— why is so hard to talk to you?" I smiled at him. 

"You're cute when you stutter," I muttered. Jake froze and I gasped, my brain finally realising what I just said. "Oh my god— I am so sorry, I didn't mean to say that— at least I don't think I did." Jake smiled lightly at me, a sad look in his eyes. Just how much did I hurt him? 

"Oh, Felix— you are much cuter than me." I smiled, grabbing a hold of Jake's shirt and pulling him close, confidence suddenly pouring from me. I smirked at him, 

"Say 'I'm cute' again?" Jake looked resistant. I raised an eyebrow at him, 

"Say it, and I'll let you go." Jake frowned, not understanding where this situation was going. To be honest, neither did I.

"But I don't want you to let me go," I rolled my eyes. My face flushing at Jake's bluntness. 

"Just say it!" I yelled, getting slightly annoyed at the game Jake was playing. Jake smirked; happy he made me lose my cool and I growled lowly, frowning at Jake. 

"You're too cute," I smiled, using one of my hands to grab the back of Jake's head and pulled him in for a kiss.

I almost moaned at the contact. I felt like I had been missing this for years. I had never felt anything like it— oh Jake— why didn't we do this sooner? Oh yeah, because I'm an asshole and Jake was AWOL. I smiled at my question and blushed as Jake's arms moved; one came up to hold my cheek, and the other moved to my lower back, right above my butt. I squeaked as my back arched in attempt to move away from his hand, but all the happened was my chest crashed into Jake's, causing the taller boy to laugh at me, 

"Not funny— why would you do that?" I asked causing Jake to shrug in response. 

"I don't know, I guess I felt like it. Now— how about we go back to your place and hang out? Just as friends I swear— and it you want there will be no kissing— or if you want kissing then us— I um— I forgot where I was going with this." I smiled at the boy, lost for words. I quickly pecked him on the lips, 

"Sure, just as long as you promise not to do anything weird." Jake frowned, and looked at me confused, 

"What do you mean by weird?" I sighed and pointed to my neck where a fading bruise of Jake's crazy ass bite resided all week. Jake let out a laugh, before quickly blushing, 

"Yeah— about that— sorry." I shrugged at him, the bite not really concerning me too much anymore. If I were being completely honest, I wanted more.

"Eh— let's go, it's finally the weekend and I am sick of this school," Jake laughed at me, 

"How come?" I shrugged. Why was he asking why someone hated school? Doesn't everyone hate school? 

"Just sick of it, Ellen's been acting like full on weird and is now avoiding me all day everyday— kinda like you were— you were avoiding me right? That's why you didn't come to school all week." Jake sighed and I knew I hit the nail on the head. I knew I fucked up. 

"Almost correct, it was more for your safety than of you doing something wrong. I uhh, was scared I had scared you when I bit you on Monday, so I guess I just wanted to give you some time away from me. But it was too hard to wait to see you until next week, so I came to school at the end of the day, and I had the feeling you were going to be the last one here aside from the teachers, so I waited till every student was gone, before finding you and seeing you smash your perfect head on the locker." I instantly blushed at his words, 

"You like my head?" Jake laughed as we walked, 

"No— I like everything about you. As creepy as it may sound, I mean everything." I blushed hard and bit my lip.

"By that do you mean my—" I gestured downwards with my eyes and Jake nodded. My eyes widened and I couldn't control myself as I grabbed Jake's neck and pulled his lips onto mine. 

He moaned lightly, grabbing my cheeks and opening my mouth, sliding his tongue in. I moaned as his tongue slid against mine. This was the first time we have done this, and it was fucking awesome! I raked my teeth over Jake tongue, then forcing it out of my mouth, and forced my tongue into his mouth. It was Jake's turn to moan. Things were just getting heated when we heard it— footsteps close by. We pulled apart and quickly hid in an open classroom. We both watched as Mr Bates walked past, without a care in the world. I get the feeling if we were to continue standing out in the hallway making out, Mr Bates wouldn't even notice.

"That was close," Jake muttered in my ear. I groaned, turning around and placing my lips on Jake's again. Jake quickly kissed back before pulling away, 

"We need to go unless you really do want to get caught," I frowned at his words, a part of me wanting to get caught. But then, I wasn't stupid. I was going to fuck up here. If someone else was to know about the two of us kissing, I would deny everything and hurt Jake again. But, all these emotions bubbling up inside of me made me happy and I didn't want to lose this feeling. I haven't felt this alive in years. 

"As much as I don't want to get caught, I really just want to stay here and make out with you." Jake groaned and I smirked knowing that it was what we were both thinking. 

"Hey, I had to— now come on, before someone else walks by." Jake nodded as we both stood up moving out of the room cautiously. I fixed my bag on my shoulder as we ran, laughing lightly.

At this rate, we were going to get back to my place quickly— is that what he wants? Well, I guess that two of us being seen together in public would be pretty weird to anyone that knows us. I shook the thought from my head. Once we were away from the school we slowed down to a pace where we were both walking next to each other, 

"Twenty questions?" Jake asked. I nodded, suddenly confused about the sudden game. 

"Sure— it would be nice to be able to get to know the schools bully," Jake frowned, as the words left my mouth in a tease. 

"Please don't call me that," I frowned, 

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was just joking," Jake sighed shaking his head, 

"Yeah I know, I didn't mean to snap sorry. So you go first," I laughed, at his enthusiasm. Hmm, what do I want to know about Jake? Let's start with something nice and easy. 

"Okay— um— favourite colour?" Jake laughed and smiled brightly at me, his knuckles slipping past mine every so often, causing my face to redden. 

"Brown or green I guess. I don't really know," I smiled, at his answer. It was such an odd answer. 

"Those are cool colours, your turn." Jake thought for a moment before asking, 

"When's your birthday?" I laughed and blushed, 

"24th of July," Jake stopped and thought for a moment, 

"So it's still a few months away?" I nodded and start to cross the road, eager to get back to my house and be alone with Jake. 

"FELIX, LOOK OUT!" My head lashed up, and suddenly— everything was a blur.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Jake's P.O.V

"FELIX, LOOK OUT!" I called out as I watched Felix walk out onto the road without looking. He looked up with a dazed look on his face. My hand quickly launched itself out, grabbing a hold of my gothic boy's wrist, and pulling him toward me. I wrapped my arms around him. The car that he was about to walk into zoomed on past, tooting it's horn at us.

"Holy shit that was close." I wrapped my arms tighter around him, one hand sitting on his head, and the other around his waist. My body shivered slightly at the shock of seeing Felix almost be hit by a car, but I began freaking out more when I turned my gaze to Felix.

Felix's arms just lay limply at his sides. I was confused; I pulled him away from me and placed my hands on his shoulders, shaking him lightly. Is he in shock? Is there anything I can do to wake him up from it?

"Felix— look at me," His eyes refused to come up and meet mine. His body tensed, so I knew I got his attention, but it wasn't fully on me. I growled grabbing a hold of his chin and moving his head so his eyes were connected with mine.

"Why did you do that?" I frowned confused at his question. What does he mean by that? Did he think I wasn't going to grab him?

"Felix, what do you mean? Why did I save you? Is that what you mean?" Felix nodded shyly, his face flushing with embarrassment. Why wouldn't I save him?! That's the human thing to do!

"Yeah— I mean come on, what difference would it of made? It was probably just karma coming back to get me after two years." When those words left Felix's mouth, I just wanted to cry. For a moment, I was lost to what he meant, but then I remembered. His brother's accident.

Was that Felix's fault? Or did he just believe it was his fault? I don't know the actual story behind it, but I knew enough to know that Felix changed after it, and Oscar was bound to a wheelchair.

"Felix, how could you say something like that? I never want to hear you say that again! Oscar accident was not your fault, okay! I just— I don't know what to say, but I will say this. If you ever, even consider doing something like that, I will— I don't know; punish you somehow without killing you, or hurting you for that matter. Okay? You are not ever leaving me." Emotions slammed into my body at the thought of losing Felix, even though I just got him and I shouldn't be acting like but the thought of Felix thinking his life was worth nothing to anyone was something I couldn't handle. Felix looked into my eyes, tears welling up.

"No one has ever said something like to me before." I smiled weakly at him, my emotions still controlling my body.

"That's because I needed to say it first." Felix smiled weakly back at me and it caused my smile to grow. I wish Felix would smile more often. I just wanted to be able to see it more.

"I think I need to get home and sit down." I nodded as we started on our way again, and this time, crossed the road after checking and continued on our way to Felix's house.

So many thoughts were running through my head at the thought of going to Felix's house and not doing anything bad. Was his family going to be home? Do they know I bully him? What about his brother?

But when we got there, the house was empty. I looked around confused; didn't he live here with his parents and his brother? New questions ran through my head as I pondered where his family was and I guess Felix knew what I was thinking.

"They're at the doctor's again." I turned to Felix who had his head in the fridge, his butt sticking out. I bit my lip and resisted the urge to giggle; my mind constantly on the subject of something about Felix's body. It was just so cute, and the reactions I got out of him! I shook my head losing the thought and asked,

"How come?" Felix sighed standing up, turning to face me, a grim look on his face. This wasn't going to be giving me a good answer, will it?

"Ever since Oscar's accident, it's really easy for him to get sick, and so he ends up going to the doctors once or twice a week for a fever. With someone else, it would be fine, but with Oscar— not so much." I sighed, walking over to Felix wrapping him in my arms. I knew things were bad, but I guess I never even considered it to be that bad. I guess that helps to explain why Felix still blames himself as much as he does. His brother's life is always in constant danger, and that would freak anyone out.

"Felix, this really isn't your fault. Sometimes certain things have to happen for everything, which allows everything else to fall into place. Now please, I don't ever want to hear you blaming yourself for an accident, okay?" Felix sighed before looking up to me, pulling from the hug slightly.

"But it is my fault, if I didn't tell him to climb the tree with me, he wouldn't have fallen and then he woul—" I cut him off by placing my lips on his. Felix sighed, giving up his argument and kissing me back. I smiled placing my hands on the smaller boys' hips while he moved up to sit around my neck holding me close. We walked until Felix was pushed against the bench.

"We shouldn't do this here," Felix muttered in between my kisses. I rolled my eyes; I knew he was right, but I honestly couldn't care.

"You're right, but I just don't want to stop." Felix laughed, using his arms to bring me away from him, sitting my body an arm's length from his face, with my hands still on his hips.

"Jake, maybe later okay?" I sighed nodding. I get that Felix isn't used to this, but there's just this part of me that wants Felix all to myself, and I simply want to kiss him, all— the fucking— time. He was just too adorable. I turned my gaze back to the fridge, which Felix was in before, yet he didn't pull anything out. I was a little confused.

"Sure. Were you looking for a drink before?" Felix nodded at me and turned back to the fridge.

"Do you want one?" I nodded pulling away from the gothic boy, letting him access the fridge. I sighed lightly as I leant against the bench as I followed Felix's movements.

"Sure, what do you have?" Felix reopened the fridge, looking through it again. This time, I made sure not to look at his ass— well I tried to. It's just a really cute ass.

"We have Apple juice, Grape juice or milk." I laughed as I sighed at his ass and the weird way his voice sounded from coming inside the fridge.

"I'll just have an apple juice." Felix smiled lightly at me as he came out of the fridge, apple juice in hand. He sat it on the bench as he closed the fridge.

"That's what I'm having." I smiled brightly at him, wondering if I was about to learn one of those silly little things about him, like his favourite drink. I smirked as I asked,

"Is it your favourite?" Felix gave me a fake scolding look as he pulled two glasses out of the cupboard below him.

"No more questions yet— not till we get to my room." I sighed and nodded, as he poured the drinks.

"Of course," I walked over to him as he poured the drinks, standing behind him. I was pretty sure he knew I was there, but I just wanted to hold him. So that's exactly what I did, I wrapped my arms around his waist, sitting my head on his shoulder. "You okay?" I muttered and Felix sighed, nodding placing his head back on my chest,

"I guess. I just— I haven't done anything like this before and I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it, so I don't even understand anything." I frowned before placing my hand over his mouth cutting off his words,

"Felix, I swear if you keep on babbling, I am not going to be able to stop myself from kissing you." This caused Felix to gasp. He turned around in my arms and placed his hands on the back of my neck, one in my hair, the other sitting right below.

He then forced me down to him; I squeaked at his suddenness but smiled at the taste of him. One of my hands moved up to his neck holding it tightly. He smiled right back at me, opening his mouth, allowing me to enter his mouth again. It was just like earlier; perfect— oh god I wished I had never bullied him so I could have this sooner.

"OH MY GOD!" We both jumped apart at the sound of an older man's voice. Felix turned around in my arms to see a man standing there staring at the pair of us.

"Dad— um— we can explain— I think?" I bit my lip trying not to laugh at Felix's nervousness. I pulled away from Felix and walked over to Mr Ferne, holding my hand out for him to shake. This is not how I wanted this meeting to go— frankly, I wanted to hold this off for as long as possible.

"Hi, I'm Jake; I go to school with Felix. I'm sorry we had to meet like that; I would have preferred to meet you on better terms." Mr Ferne relaxed a little, hopefully, that was from how polite I was being.

"Sorry, it just shocked me. It's not every day I see my son kissing another boy— let alone kissing anyone for that matter." I laughed lightly and stared at Felix who was blushing. He saw me staring and blushed even harder before coming over grabbing my hand and began to drag me away.

"Sorry Dad, say hi to Mum and Oscar for me," I laughed at his want to get away and when we just exited the house, I remembered something. I smirked lightly as I muttered the words into his ear, causing him to jump slightly.

"Felix, the drinks—" Felix froze before slapping himself on the head groaning, letting go of my hand as he turned back to the house.

"Oh shit. I'm blaming you," I laughed at him and he frowned at me, a slight glare in his eyes.

"What for?" I asked innocently and Felix's frown grew,

"You made me forget the drinks," I laughed, using the hand that was holding his before, I grabbed him, pulling him close.

"Really Felix— you're playing the blame game?" Felix smiled sweetly at me, pretending that he never dumped the blame on me.

"No—" I laughed at him. I never knew that Felix could act like this. God, sometimes I true do regret my life choices.

"Oh Felix, you're too cute." Felix blushed again and my smirk grew as his smile faded shyly.

"I'm gonna go get those drinks— you just stay— there— now—" I laughed as I watched the boy run off back into the house.

"He's been funny all week you know," I jumped at the voice coming from behind me. I turned to see Felix's Dad. He must have gone out the front door and come up the driveway.

"Oh, Mr Ferne, sorry I didn't see you there." He shrugged at me as if he didn't have a care in the world, but his words confused me.

"Please, just call me Ken," I nodded at him and turned my gaze away, scared to meet his eye.

"I'll remember that— Ken. So what do you mean he's been weird all week?" Ken sighed moving closer to me as if what he was about to tell me was a secret.

"I know it may not seem like Kathy and I care much for Felix anymore because of Oscar, but we do— we really, it's just hard with Oscar being sick all the time. I don't know how much Kathy picks up on, but I know something has been different with him this week. His friend, Ellen, hasn't been coming around, I don't really know anything about that. But now that I saw the two of you, I want to know what's going on between you exactly." I frowned,

"The truth is Ken; neither of us really know what's going on— we haven't really had time to discuss it. We were—" I cut myself off because Felix had returned,

"What are you talking about?" I smiled moving over to him and taking the drinks off of him.

"Nothing you need to worry over. Let's go," Felix nodded, but his eyes never came off his Dad. I smiled at the way Felix stared at his Dad. I then frowned wishing I could stare at my Dad like that, it too bad he is too much of a deadbeat to be a Dad. I shook the thought from my head and followed Felix through the backyard when I grew confused.

"Felix, what are we doing out here?" Felix frowned. From what I thought, we were going to Felix's room.

"We're going to my room— what did you think we were doing?" Okay, now I was really confused,

"Your room is out the back?" Felix nodded, stopping and turning to me,

"There were only two rooms in the house and the bungalow. Oscar used to sleep out here, but after the accident, we swapped. I didn't really care, I was grateful actually because out here, their arguing isn't as loud as it would be in the house." I frowned,

"Oh Felix—" Felix cut me off,

"Don't say anything— let's just go and sit down and play twenty questions again." I nodded, feeling bad for prying,

"Sure, whatever you want." Felix nodded weakly before entering his room. I entered after him, smiling at how much his room represented his personality. There were fake cobwebs and spiders all over the walls, with Gothic posters decorating the walls and part of the roof. There was an electric guitar in the far corner of the room. Sitting next to it was an amp and a double bed, which looked uninhabited for a long time. I frowned,

"You don't sleep?" I don't know why I asked, I just felt like the thought had to be put out there. Felix shook his head,

"No— I just don't sleep in my bed. I normally fall asleep on my couch at about five or six in the morning," I frowned, placing the cups on a small table in front of the couch,

"Felix, why don't you sleep? Twenty questions remember?" Felix sighed before going to sit down on the couch, but I stopped him and dragged him over to the bed, pushing him on it playfully, before sitting myself at the end of the bed, crossing my legs and staring at him. Felix sighed before pulling himself up grabbing a pillow and throwing it to me. I quickly caught it, placing it on my lap.

"So go," Felix sighed at me, but didn't put up a fight and answered the question with an ease.

"I don't sleep because I have nightmares about Oscar's accident. But in the nightmares, Oscar died when he fell, and everyone was claiming that I pushed him out of the tree," I gasped,

"Holy shit Felix! Why haven't you told anyone?" Felix sighed,

"Because they would all react exactly the same as you did or worse even. I don't want that, I just want to be left alone," I frowned and crawled over to where Felix was sitting with his legs crossed, copying the way I was sitting. Felix was staring down at his hands. I quickly grabbed his hands, causing his eyes to follow his hands which I had raised to my lips, pressing a kiss to each of them,

"If you ever think that about me and then tell me and I will change your mind in an instant got it?" Felix nodded. I smiled at him, "Your turn," Felix's eyes widened and stared at me. Felix looked flustered, I let go of his hands, getting up and walking across the room where our drinks sat. I quickly grabbed them walking back over to the bed, and sitting down. I gave Felix his drink, taking a drink from mine and sitting down again.

"Thanks— I don't really know what to ask, so I'm just going to ask, what your favourite food?" I smiled at him.

"I don't know. I have so many foods that I can't pick, but if I had to I would say I am turning into a cannibal and say you." I winked as Felix blushed,

"Jerk," I smiled,

"You know you love it." Felix blushed harder and looked down. I smiled at him,

"But nah, to be serious I would have to say steak and chips." Felix cocked his head at me,

"Seriously?" I nodded,

"Yeah, it really is. I love steak, it's something I have the most often because it's nice and easy." Felix made a face. I couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad one.

"I don't normally eat steak—" he trailed off muttering something under his breath. I sighed,

"What did you just say?" Felix looked to me,

"What?" I sighed, pondering about what was going on inside Felix's mind. I guess it was going to be a bit harder to get to know him aside from twenty questions.

"It's my turn to ask a question, and I asked what did you say?" Felix looked scared and searched around frantically as if looking for a way to get away from me. My eyes widened as he made a run for it, after sitting his cup on the bedside table.

"Shit! Felix, get back here!" I caught him before he made it to the door. I tackled him to the floor, with my arms wrapped around him. I felt his body shaking, so I pulled away and rolled him over to find him sobbing. My eyes widened and I pulled him close,

"Oh shit, Felix what's going on? Was it something I said?" Felix shook his head, wrapping his arms around my neck. I sighed and stood up, walking over to the couch and sitting us down on it. Oh, Felix— what's wrong with you? I closed my eyes and moved my head so it was resting atop of Felix's which was buried in my neck. I tightened my arms around him, I can't believe I made him cry— and it probably isn't even the first time.

"Oh Felix, I am so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have pried, please don't hate me," Felix nodded and pulled away from me,

"Please just go," I nodded, walking over to the bed where my drink was. I quickly finished it, before placing it back down, picking up Felix's and taking it over to him. I sat it on the bench before walking to the door. I stopped with my hand on the handle,

"I am really, really sorry." Felix didn't reply.

Felix's P.O.V

I couldn't tell him. He didn't need to know, if he knew how broken I really was, he would lose interest— but that's what I wanted— right? But now I can't stop thinking about him— I haven't been able to stop thinking about him ever since we first kissed. Because it was my first kiss— what the hell is happening? I don't want Jake around, but I do. If I don't get rid of him, then I will have to tell him eventually.

I sighed getting up off of my bed. I walked out back into the house and wandered around cleaning up for a bit. Anything to distract me from the hunger I was feeling.

"You better eat," I screamed and lashed around; dropping the pile of dirty washing I was holding,

"Holy— god Dad— what the hell?" dad sighed before walking over to me,

"I know what you're doing," I looked at him with confusion, even thought it was fake.

"Dad, I don't know what you mean," Dad sighed,

"Felix— your mother told me about your eating disorder. Please don't do this; we all know that when you clean around the house, you are distracting yourself from eating." I gaped at him,

"You know about that?" Dad nodded,

"No one wants you to do that to yourself," I sighed,

"Does that mean Oscar knows?" Dad nodded and I growled,

"FUCK!" I screamed right before I punched the wall next to me. Dad quickly ran over to me,

"Felix— why did you do that. Let's go and get some ice on it and something for you to eat." I frowned and nodded. I couldn't really feel the pain, I don't know if that was a good or a bad thing. But all know is that right now— all of me hurts, most of all— my heart hurt, and I think I know why.

Sam's P.O.V

I was on my way to meet my girlfriend Mia when it happened. I didn't mean to crash into the little nerd, and by little, I mean little. He was small, I knew who he was. He was the grandson or whatever of the owner of the Chinese place— god I love the food there. But it's not as good as my Mum's fried rice. God, it was the best.

But moving on— who knew that crashing into people changed a lot of things. I watched across the school yard as Andy Lau sat down at his usual bench, with his usual dumplings. He was so cute and oblivious,

"Sam, are you even listening?" my head lashed up to look at my girlfriend Mia— who I don't want to be dating anymore.

"No, sorry, what were you saying?" she sighed, causing her curly black hair to move around her shoulders,

"I said we need to go on a date. We haven't done anything in over a month." I nodded, yeah that's because a month ago I crashed into Andy Lau, and haven't stopped thinking about him since.

"Mia— we need to talk," Mia nodded,

"Yeah I know, we need to talk about our date." I shook my head, at her. This is it. This was finally the time I was going to do something for myself, and I was going to tell her.

Well, not tell her that I was not straight and had a crush on the little Asian nerd sitting not too far away from us right now and that I absolutely hated her guts because we were dating. No, there was no way I was going to say that. I'm not that mean— right?

"No— I think we need to break up."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: 

Felix's P.O.V 

It's been the whole weekend since I last talked to Jake. I've seen him all day at school, so he isn't exactly avoiding me, he has— we have just been keeping our distance from each other. I sighed as I dumped my bag on the table in front of me, plonking down in the chair, staring up the front. I was early, so when Mr Bates saw me in class already, he had a little freakout. 

I sighed closing my eyes as the bell rang through school, shocking me slightly. I sighed opening my eyes to see a girl sitting next to me. My eyes widened when I realised who it was. The long brown hair, the short height— what the hell?

"Ellen?" The girl turned to me with a small smile on her face, 

"Hi, Felix." My eyes widened. I think it was the clothes and make up that did it. I never knew my best friend could look so— normal. She wore the school dress, and jumper like it was a normal part of her routine, but from what I remembered, she hated the school dress and never wanted to wear it. 

"What happened to you?" Ellen shrugged as if the question I was posing was completely unimportant and didn't matter if it was disregarded. 

"I realised I was pretending to be someone I'm not, for someone who doesn't even like me, so I went back to my normal self. And as if you care, you've been a jerk to me the last few days." I scoffed at her, still confused about the entirety of the situation. 

"Ellen, you've been avoiding me or ignoring me. I haven't even had a chance to talk to you. That and I was giving you space because you seemed pretty pissed last Monday." Ellen stopped and thought for a moment, 

"But what about before that? When we were walking to school? You were a jerk to me then," I rolled my eyes, 

"We both said we had this weird feeling that the day was going to be different, and we were right, I was just acting weird because of the feeling." Ellen just continued to stare at me, 

"So it was all me?" I nodded lightly. Ellen gasped, 

"Oh god Felix I am so sorry— oh god— and I said I liked you— oh my— I urr— I'm really sorry." I shrugged at her, not really bothered by the notion of her liking me anymore, I was worried about if Jake still liked me, 

It was so hard to reject him and not tell him about myself when he asked, but the look on his face when I told him to leave, tore the tiny fracture of my heart that I had managed to rip back together, almost ready to give it to him. 

"Trust me, last Monday was really weird, so don't worry about it— but what is with the clothes?" Ellen sighed, almost slipping back into the Ellen I used to know, but she didn't. 

"I just wanted to fit in again. Felix, I am really sorry, I hope you know that." I smiled weakly at her. I knew where she was coming from with that one. I guess she was sick of all the bullying and ridicule. 

"Yeah, I know. But it doesn't change anything. Now you can go and be whoever you want to be, and I guess we can go what we call 'Our separate ways' yeah?" Ellen nodded, 

"But we can still talk yeah?" I nodded, 

"Sure— but right now, we need to be paying attention in class." Ellen nodded before pulling out a book and getting to work. I followed suit. Eventually class was over, and Ellen left me and went straight over to one of the popular girls, Mia. I scoffed, a look of disgust crossing my face, 

"Weird—" I muttered, but someone else muttered it from behind me as well. I turned around to see Jake standing there. I closed my eyes, turning around again, pretending I didn't see him, 

"So what, are you just ignoring me now?" I rolled my eyes and did really ignore him. Jake sighed before sadly following me. I quickened my pace by just a bit, and in no time, I made my way to the back of the school. I stopped when I was sure no one would see us, 

"Why are you talking to me right now?" Jake sighed, 

"The better question is why aren't you talking to me right now?" I sighed turning around to face him, 

"Jake— it's a bad idea to be seen with each other at school unless of course, you want to become the bullied instead of the bully," Jake growled before coming over to me, grabbing my hips and shoving me against the wall. As hard as it was, I really liked Jake doing that to me. My eyes widened and I shook the thought from my head, 

"What were you thinking about just then?" Jake asked. My eyes widened again and I shook my head. The consideration of even considering saying that thought out loud was blasphemy, and I wasn't going to ever say it— I think— 

"Nope— not telling you," Jake growled, pulling me away from the wall and shoving me into it again. I bit my lip, holding back a moan— I never knew being thrown against things felt so nice— 

"Do it again," Oh shit my eyes widened as Jake stared at me confused, 

"Do what again?" I groaned, throwing my head back against the wall, annoyed that any sound even left my mouth. I wish that I could just find a hole to crawl into and die! 

"Don't worry," Jake smirked, pulling me from the wall and throwing me back against it. This time I moaned. Jake smirked, 

"You little— god you just get better with every passing day." I blushed looking away from Jake. The thought that something like that aroused me, made me both very confused and very excited. 

"What do you want?" Jake sighed at me, a shy look on his face. From the sounds of it, he doesn't hate me just yet. 

"I wanted to make sure you were okay after last week." I frowned at the memory of what happened last Friday when I almost blew my cover. I didn't want Jake to know I had anorexia— I mean, I fucking lost it when I found out Oscar knew.

"Oh— I'm fine, I just— you just asked a question that I coul— didn't want to answer." Jake made an 'oh' face as if understanding where I was coming from. 

"Right— sorry, I didn't mean to tackle you, and I really didn't mean to pry. I hope you know I mean that " I nodded, smiling weakly at him because that tackle didn't at all hurt me. I was so frail under my clothes, but no one ever notices, thankfully, of course, it was going to fucking hurt like hell, 

"Don't worry— I know you didn't mean it," Jake's smiled turned into a smirk, 

"Well— now that I have you alone for the next half an hour until lunch is over—" I smirked at Jake, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him hard onto my lips. His lips were chapped again— this was seriously the first thing I noticed? Why? I sighed into the kiss as I trailed one hand from its place around Jake's neck to the bottom of his shirt where I grabbed a hold. 

Jake stiffened and gripped my hip tighter, pushing himself into me more. I smiled and almost laughed, which allowed Jake to enter my mouth. I moaned as his tongue explored my mouth quickly and viciously. I groaned grabbing a hold of the hair at the back of his neck and pulling, this caused Jake to throw his head back and groan. I smirked and attacked his neck with my mouth, kissing his Adam's apple lightly causing him to groan. 

One of his hands lashed up to grab my head and forces it into his neck more. I laughed, my tongue flicking out and licking his Adam's apple. This caused Jake to grip my hair tighter causing me to moan and throw my head back giving Jake the advantage to my neck— not that I cared, 

"Your turn Felix," Jake smirked up at me. I groaned closing my eyes as Jake's lips moved ever so slowly along my neck, from my chin to just below my ears, which made me groan. Jake smirked and kissed my spot, before biting down and licking. I moaned gripping his head, 

"Jake—" I couldn't say anything else, it was too good. I was blinded by— who knows what; that I didn't see the head in the far corner of my eye. Jake finally pulled away I sighed and leant more into the wall. 

"Whoa," I muttered and Jake nodded, agreeing with me. 

"'Whoa' is right," Our breathing was in laboured pants. Geez, if I knew kissing someone would give me so much energy, I might consider participating in sport sometimes. But maybe it was only kissing Jake that did that to me. I wouldn't know— Jake then suddenly laughed; I was confused as hell, 

"What?" Jake laughed even harder moving away from me. I frowned, "What?" Jake laughed even harder, before waving his hands, 

"Don't worry, it's nothing, you just have a hickey." My eyes widened and lashed up to the place under my ear. I growled but then smirked, 

"Okay— you're a jerk, but you have a very red mark on your neck," I muttered before running off, leaving Jake standing on his own in his own wave of shock. 

Sam's P.O.V

I swear I didn't mean to find out— I was just looking for a place to hide from Mia so she doesn't kill me. I mean— I know I'm not going to tell anyone— it's just wow— I have never seen two guys together before, let alone two polar opposite guys. It's weird because I had never made out with Mia as passionately as they made out with each other.

I kinda understand what they're feeling— or I think I did because right now that is all I want to do to a certain nerd boy. I sighed before running from the couple, I suddenly felt lonely. I wanted someone I could talk to. When I saw him again, he was what some people would say close, by that, I meant he was a few metres away. I gasped— this was it. I had to talk to him— get to know him, have him get to know me. I am so talking to Jake after this.

When I knew I was finally close enough to Andy to talk to him, I finally talked, 

"Hey, Dude—" Seriously— that's what I say? Oh god, I'm turning into a dork. Andy looked up and looked around himself, before looking at me, 

"Are you talking to me?" I nodded smiling lightly, 

"Yep, the one and only— I guess." Andy looked confused. He was so cute, 

"Statistics say that when a person of a higher class is talking to someone of a lower class, they generally want something or they wish to beat me up," I let out the laugh at the random fact, 

"Well, it is a no, to both of those facts from me. I just wanted to talk to you," Oh my, god how does Jake be around Felix without losing it?! Andy looked confused, 

"Did you want me to do your homework or something?" I scoffed, 

"I ain't that dumb, I know how to do my own homework— it just takes me a while sometimes—" Andy let out a little laugh. I looked around confused, 

"Are you laughing at me?" Andy nodded lightly, and I laughed with him, 

"Okay, I admit, I am a tad bit stupid. But that doesn't mean you get to laugh at me!" I nudged Andy lightly on the shoulder and he froze. Oh crap— did I do something wrong? 

"Why did you do that?" I shrugged, deciding to play it cool, 

"That's what friends do." Andy looked confused, 

"We're friends?" I don't think this is going how I planned— 

Felix's P.O.V

I stopped running shortly after ditching Jake. I laughed lightly at his memory of his face as I ran off. I looked up from the ground to see Sam talking to the uber nerd, Andy Lau. They must have heard me because Sam turned to face me. The second he saw me, he blushed and ran off after giving Andy a quick goodbye. There was a look in his eyes that said he didn't want to leave Andy and I knew instantly— he likes Andy.

Then something popped into my head— to be exact Sam's head. My eyes widened and I realised it, I didn't properly see it before, I was distracted. Holy crap— Sam caught Jake and I— oh shit are we screwed.

Jake's P.O.V 

I sat on the ground behind the building that I had followed Felix to after class. I smiled to myself, I can't believe it. Felix is finally mine, after almost two months of weirdness, Felix is finally mine, and if anyone decides to say he isn't, then you better run fast. Unless it's Felix, then I'll just kiss it out of him.

My thoughts were interrupted by footsteps coming around the building. I looked up hoping it was Felix coming back, but I was saddened to see it was only Sam, 

"Hey— how did you know I was here?" Sam blushed, 

"Hey, Dude— I followed you and Felix—" he trailed off and prepared himself to run. I sighed and gestured for him to come over. I rolled my eyes, 

"Well I'm not going to hit you, and there is no way in hell I am getting up until the bell." Sam laughed lightly and came over, sitting down in front of me. It was obvious Sam didn't know what to say, so I asked it for him. 

"Let me guess. You want to know what's going on between Felix and me." Sam shook his head, "Then what do you want?" Sam sighed, 

"When I said I followed you earlier, I saw you and Felix— you know— getting whatever it was on— and I knew I needed to talk to you." I frowned. What on earth can Sam possibly be asking me about when it comes to relationships?! He should know more than I do! 

"Talk about what to me?" Sam sighed blushing looking away. This was weird. I've never known Sam to be so evasive about something before. Has something happened and I didn't notice? 

"I um— well you know how I broke up with Mia?" I nodded as Sam continued. This story was going somewhere, yet I still had no clue. All I can think I relationships, yet I can't think of anything for Sam— 

"Yeah, well that's because I like someone else." I nodded before asking, 

"It's not me or Felix is it?" Sam's eyes widened and he laughed lightly. Honestly, I don't know why I asked the question, I just wanted to get it in the air and off my chest; although I don't know why it was there in the first place. 

"Oh god no, I could never— just no. Felix is too weird for me and well— you're my mate so if there was any ever chance. Just no." I laughed, 

"Okay, so who do you like?" Sam sighed blushing again. 

"Okay, so you know that nerd boy, Andy Lau?" I nodded seeing where this was going. 

"You like Andy?" Sam nodded blushing. I couldn't help but— 

"Aww, that's so cute— does he know?" Sam's eyes widened, 

"Oh god no, how long was it until you said something to Felix about your feelings?" I frowned and looked down, 

"Almost two months and I said something only a week ago. But I guess if you were to look at us now, you wouldn't be able to tell." Sam shook his head, his usual smile back on his face, 

"Nope, I would have guessed you'd been together for months." I blushed and punched him in the shoulder. 

"I don't know if what you said was a good or a bad thing." Sam laughed just as the bell went off. I sighed standing up, 

"Come on Dude, let's get to class." I nodded, helping Sam up. As we walked out from behind the building, no one noticed us, which was weird. It's like everyone has been acting really weird lately. I shrugged the thought and moved on with getting to class.

Felix's P.O.V 

The bell rang shortly after my conversation with Andy. Well, it wasn't as much as a conversation as it was a questioning, but now I knew Sam told him nothing about what he saw happening between Jake and I. While I was at my locker, I quickly slid in my snake bites which I had gotten rid of for the last few weeks.

I was still tense as I arrived to class but when I arrived, Ellen had already taken the seat next to Mia, which left me with a seat next to— Sam. Oh, fuck off! This can't be happening. I groaned throwing my head back and going to my seat. I sat down, I tried to have as little communication with Sam as possible, but it seemed he didn't want that, 

"Hey Dude," I sighed turning slightly to him, 

"Sam." I only acknowledged him, I am not going to have a conversation with this— oh I can't think of an insult right now. I'm too tired; I really need to go to sleep sooner— but then if I go to sleep sooner, there's that higher risk of me having a nightmare. Yep, I am so sticking with only two hours sleep. I placed my head on the desk, as usual, that is something I am not changing just because I am stuck with Sam sitting next to me.

"So what you been up to?" I jumped at the sound of Sam's voice. I turned to check that he wasn't talking to me— but sadly he was. I sighed rolling my eyes turning back away. Sam sighed in return, "Look, I know about you and you know who. I'm not gonna say anything if that's what you're scared of Dude. Look trust me, I've already talked to him and he is fine with it. Because trust me, I'm just like you guys." I frowned sitting up and turning to Sam, 

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Sam sighed before surveying the room. When he knew no one was paying attention to us he continued on, 

"I'm well, gay— or bi, I don't really know." I scoffed rolling my eyes, 

"What makes you think that I am gay or bi?" Sam smiled, 

"Well that bruise doesn't look very normal— and neither does that hickey of yours," I instinctively moved my shirt around to cover the bruise which was still fading, and the new hickey,

"That and I saw you with Jake doing some pretty intense things." I scoffed but gave up sighed, resting my head on the desk again. I really need to get some distance between Jake and me, when I realised something. Without raising my head off the desk, I continued talking to Sam, 

"So who made you think you were bi?" I tacked on afterwards "Or gay?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sam make a face. 

"I so know you won't believe this Dude, but it's Andy Lau." I nodded, I guess I assumed right with the way he was talking to the nerd earlier. I smirked but hid it well, 

"I guess I could believe you." Sam smiled, 

"Thank god, just as long as you don't hate me for accidentally catching you." I shrugged, 

"Doesn't matter now, especially now that I know you aren't going to tell anyone because now I have something that will go against you too. So if you talk— I talk got it?" Sam nodded. I really need to re-brush up on my blackmail skills, I haven't used them for so long. 

I sighed sitting up and pulling my book out, as I did so, Sam poked me in the shoulder while still looking at the teacher. I looked at him to see he was holding a piece of paper to me. I sighed taking it from his hand and quickly reading it to myself, 

'Hang out after class?' I sighed before nodding, knowing exactly who it was from. Great— this is gonna be a long day.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Jake's P.O.V

Trent sniggered from next to me. God, it was so hard to get that note to Felix, I had to stop myself from smiling when he nodded. I knew he was agreeing instantly. I turned to Trent to see what he was laughing at. I didn't actually know so I just fake laughed along, but as if they could tell the difference from my real and fake laugh.

God multitasking was hard. For one, I was actually listening to the teacher; I really don't want to fail year ten. The next one was pretending to be paying attention to Trent and Dylan. And of course finally, if it weren't obvious, was watching Felix from the corner of my eye.

Felix was so cute when he was in class. I watched slightly more intensely as he took his notes, watching as he bit down on his snake bites— weird, he didn't have them in earlier. Actually, he hasn't had them in for weeks— yes I am that creepy; I know how long it's been since he last had his snake bites in. Oh, what it would be like to kiss him with those in. I have always wanted to actually know if kissing someone with lip piercings made the kiss hotter. I am hoping I get to find out. I just never thought it would be a guy, not that I care

But moving on, I watched as he let go of the first lip ring, moving onto the second one, leaving the first one glistening in the light of the room, I sighed before looking away before I got overly distracted by Felix. I knew if I didn't stop now, I would be having a lot more problems, and I really don't need that in class. 

Trent nudged making my attention turn to him; I frowned when I saw what he wanted me to see. It was Mike all covered in food and his unicorns were taken from him. How the teacher didn't notice this I do not know. I 'laughed' again before turning away not wanting to see anything. I can't believe I used to be that mean, oh well, at least this is the last class of the day and I can hang out with Felix more.

The time came when the final bell rang letting us out of this hellhole. I smiled but hid it well when I saw Felix talking to Sam, I so hope they get along well. Does he know about Sam's situation? I looked and saw Felix looking to Andy— okay I take that as a yes. Felix looked back to Sam nodding, before walking off. I continued walking with Trent and Dylan, still not fully paying attention to them.

"Look, I'll see you later yeah?" I quickly asked Trent and Dylan knowing that that wasn't going to see them anyway. The pair nodded, not even giving me a glance before running off and chasing after some poor kid. I can't believe that if I never liked Felix, I would be doing that with them right now— weird. I sighed as I slowly walked until the school slowly emptied out. I walked to my locker which evidentially was just a few away from Felix's. 

By the time I made it to my locker Felix was already leaning on it, his usual black bag, sitting on his shoulder and face blank. I sighed at the way he looked, why isn't he showing emotion around me like he normally does?

"Hey Jake," I nodded smiling widely hoping he would do the same, but it never happened. I quickly came over grabbing his shoulders before pulling me into his arms. Felix instantly froze, 

"What are you doing Jake?" I sighed holding him tighter, 

"I'm hugging you, Felix. Isn't it obvious?" Felix nodded, 

"I just don't think this is something to do at school." I smiled at him letting go of him as he moved away from me. 

"I don't really care about the whole image thing. I like you Felix; I'm waiting for you to get that, but—" I trailer off after I saw the look on Felix's face, 

"You care if we get caught; you don't want people to know do you?" Felix froze looking up to me. He stared into my eyes, before frowning, 

"I just— look it doesn't matter. I— let's just go," I nodded grabbing my bag and locking my locker. 

"So how was your afternoon?" I asked. Felix shrugged, 

"Fine, I guess. It was weird seeing Ellen and then having to sit next to Sam. Plus I know he knows, and I guess I just— if we hang out too much I'm scared people will notice." My eyes widened and I grabbed his wrist since he was walking a few paces ahead of me. 

"Felix I don't care if people find out about us." Felix scoffed, 

"Of course you do. All you care about is your image, the same as everyone else in this school." I rolled my eyes, pulling Felix close to me. He was expecting it and fought against me; I smirked and pushed him against the wall, trapping his arms next to his body.

"Felix— I don't care about image, I don't care if a teacher was to walk past us right now and catch us. Whatever you are thinking, is all in your head, and as awesome as it is to have you thinking about me, I don't want you having those negative thoughts blocking you from being with me." Felix scoffed looking for a way out, just like the first time I held him like this, 

"I don't believe you, Jake. Because I trust me and only me, I know I am right." He muttered something under his breath but I was close enough to hear it this time, 

"— Because I lie to myself every time I wake up." I gasped, gripping Felix's wrists tighter, 

"Felix— Why do you lie to yourself?" Felix froze, 

"Fucker— You weren't supposed to hear that." I scoffed, 

"Yeah— Well I heard it, and I want you to answer my question." Felix whimpered and stared at me with sad eyes as if hoping I would give in and drop it. But I couldn't, not right now, I needed to know. Felix sighed giving up, before looking down, 

"I lie to myself every morning because—" I encouraged him as let my grip on him loosen just the tiniest bit. 

"— Because I need it to get through the day, every day. I say 'don't worry, you don't need to eat— you'll be fine.' I just—" he trailed off as tears began running down his face. I was confused, 

"Felix— what do you mean you don't need to eat?" Felix sighed before burying his face in my neck as much as he could. I let go of his wrists and he wrapped his arms around my neck. He sighed before pulling away enough that he could talk to me. 

"Pull my shirt up." I frowned, 

"What?" Felix sighed before pulling away from me and pulling up his top shirt which then showed a long-sleeve tucked into his jeans. He quickly untucked it and placed the bottom of it in my hand. Tears were still running down his face, 

"You want to know what's wrong. Pull it up and find out." I squeezed the shirt in my hand and slowly pulled it up. It was now sitting above his belt line and was slowly moving up his hips. I froze; no I can't do this to him. I quickly let go of his shirt and stepped away.

"No— I know you truly don't want me to know, and so I won't. Keep me in the dark as long as you like, but when you think the time comes, tell me— and I will believe you. Just take as long as you like," Felix looked up to me, his eyes glistening with tears, but a smile on his face, 

"You don't care?" I nodded, 

"I do care, but I am doing what you want and leaving it alone. I don't want to get kicked out like last time." Felix laughed, grabbing my neck and pulling me close, placing his lips on mine. I smiled and kissed back slowly, not letting it go anywhere from there. Felix tried but I kept on stopping him and not letting him move. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone— I so hope that isn't Trent or Dylan.

"Felix, are you okay with us getting caught?" I muttered into the kiss. Felix nodded, 

"I guess— it just depends on who it is." I nodded pulling away, 

"Good— because someone's here." Felix's eyes widened and he pulled away from me as much as possible. We both looked to see Mr Bates standing a few metres away from us, staring at us— oh crap— but at least it wasn't Dylan or Trent.

"Mr Bates— we urr— we can explain." Bates shook his head, 

"I am not even going to comment, in this situation, but I will give you some advice, don't keep it a secret— It's too cute." We both froze— Felix spoke first, 

"Please god, don't ever— say that again— it's just— way too creepy." Bates nodded, 

"Oh course, I'm just saying don't keep it a secret." We both nodded slowly and watched Bates as he walked away.

"That was weird." I nodded agreeing with my gothic boy, 

"You're right, that was really weird." Felix nodded in agreement with me as I did him. I sighed turning back to Felix who was still looking down the hallway. I smiled, grabbing his chin and pecking him on the lips before grabbing his wrist and pulling him down the hallway, 

"Come on; let's go back to your place— we need to talk," I said in a joking voice so I was hoping he would understand I was making a joke. Felix laughed lightly before walking at a pace that was level with mine. 

Felix's P.O.V

I can't believe I almost let Jake know my biggest secret. I can't believe I almost told him about my anorexia— if Jake knew about it, then he really wouldn't want to be with me. I only had anorexia because I wanted control in my life after Oscar's accident, so whenever I was hungry, I distracted myself by doing housework. I was fine, until one day I collapsed, and Mum found me. I told her it was nothing and that I slipped over and hit my head, but she didn't believe me. And so that's how I ended up diagnosed with anorexia, I got a little better after some time— but my body didn't change back, and there are days where I still don't eat. 

"So what are we going to do when we get back to your place?" I looked at Jake who was staring at me, a light smile on his face. I shrugged and pulled my hand from his, fixing my bag and shoving my hands in my coat.

"I see you put your snake bites back in." I nodded and looked away, 

"I didn't think you would know what they were called." Jake shrugged, 

"Let's just say I know more than you think, and I am very good at eavesdropping on conversations, mainly your conversations." I felt my cheeks flare up bright red. I growled at him before ripping my hand from my pocket and shoved it back into his big hand. I never knew how big his hands were, but now I do. My own hands swim when in his. He wrapped his fingers around my hand and pulling it close to his body, I followed, my body bumping against his.

"Sorry," I muttered. Jake looked confused, 

"Felix. Are you okay? You've been acting really weird lately; you have really been showing me much emotion. And please don't lie to me." I sighed looking into his eyes. 

"It's just— there's a part of me, that I almost forced you to see, and I didn't want you to, because I was scared you would hate me for it— and so now I just keep on thinking of what would have happened if I showed you—" Jake cut me off.

"If I really truly wanted to know, and you didn't want me to know. I would never ever push you— that's why I stopped Felix. And when the time comes you want to show me, and I mean you want. Not me, not your parents, not anyone else, you— when you want to show me, I will be there and I will not hate you for it okay?" he muttered something else under his breath, I couldn't hear him, but I was too happy to care.

"I— I can't believe you said that. I—" I wanted to say something but there was too much to say, so I pulled Jake down onto my lips, in the middle of the street. I so hope he gets the message. Jake tried to pull away, but the grip I had on his neck was too strong.

"Felix— we're in the middle of the street." I nodded, 

"Yeah I know Jake— that's why I'm doing this." Jake gasped.

"You want to?" I nodded. Jake smiled pushing himself back onto me, his tongue instantly invading my mouth. I groaned as he pushed me up against the nearest car, his arms wrapping tight around my waist. One of my hands made it into his hair, while the other sat on his shoulder. Jake groaned pushing harder, causing me to groan again.

"OH MY GOD!" We pulled away from each other to see a small crowd standing near us. Most of the group consisted of teenagers from our school and adults from around the area. But what stood out most were Ellen and Mia, who were standing at the very front of the group. It was obvious that Ellen was the one that called out. Both Jake and I sighed and moved away from the car. I knew I was blushing hard and it was obvious, 

"Look Ellen— we urr—" I really didn't know what to say, and I am really hoping Jake doesn't turn on me right now. Jake grabbed my hand with his, 

"Look everyone— I know this looks weird but Felix and I are together." Everyone gasped and Ellen growled, 

"Felix, why didn't you tell me?" I frowned moving closer to Jake, although Ellen was small, she was really terrifying.

"It only started the day you ran off. It's confusing for everyone, and Jake and I don't fully understand where this is going— we haven't really talked about it much," Ellen scoffed, 

"Yeah, it just looks like making out and nothing else. That probably all it is, you two just kiss each other and never talk. If we were together Felix, we would always talk." My eyes widened and I took a step back. Jake growled, 

"Well he isn't with you Ellen and he never will be— he is mine, not yours, if you ever think that he was ever or ever will be yours, you won't ever be happy. Just move on and find someone who will love you for who you are—" Ellen had tears in her eyes, and she looked at me creepily, 

"Are you saying you love me? Is that why you're being so nice to me?" Jake's eyes widened and took a step back with me, 

"No I am not in love with you, and I will never love you I love Felix." I froze, and Mia 'aww' I stared at her— what the hell? Ellen turned to glare at Mia. Mia froze, 

"Sorry, but that's cute— or not." Mia trailed off at Ellen's glare. I quickly leant into Jake, 

"Run?" Jake nodded and we turned bolted. It was hard for me at first but I soon shook the pain away as we ran towards my house. When it was finally in view, we slowed down and walked. 

"That was fucking creepy," I muttered, Jake nodded, 

"Yeah— what was up with Ellen? Did you know she liked you?" I nodded, 

"Yeah, the day we first you know—" I trailed off not really knowing what to say or call it, 

"The first day we kissed?" I nodded, 

"Yeah, then— Ellen and I had just walked into school when you walked straight past us, and I commented on how weird it was because you didn't do anything. And she started acting all weird and ditched me. That's when we talked— somewhat normally, and then I saw her at my locker, and she was pissed because I ditched her. And then I told her it wasn't me that ditched, it was her. And then she vanished and I didn't see her again until this morning where she took her seat next to me in class. We only talked a little bit, but then we didn't talk after a whole bunch of confusing things. Because of obvious reasons," Jake nodded taking in everything I just said with a creepily easy understanding of it all. 

"You are talking about the whole, being 'normal' again yeah?" I let out a little laugh as we arrived at my driveway. We started up when I answered, 

"Yeah, I am. I just don't understand, not that I really know much. But why would someone change themselves, for someone? I don't get it, not to sound rude, but I would never change for you, Jake." Jake laughed as we finally reached my bedroom, 

"Well, I would never want you to change. You are my Felix, and if you were any other way, I don't think it would be the same." I blushed and slid opened my door, allowing Jake to enter first. I quickly followed and saw Jake heading towards my bed, which I still hadn't been on or in since the last time we were on it together.

I frowned slowly walking over. Why the bed— couldn't we just talk on the couch like normal people? I resisted to growl, I don't like going on my bed, why can't he see I don't like my bed? Jake looked at me sadly, 

"I know you haven't been anywhere near it Felix, but it's good for you. You can't live your life sleeping on the couch, but only getting two or three hours sleep anyway. And I know you have been getting less sleep lately." I frowned, looking far away and I subconsciously covered my eyes with my hair. The rings under my eyes were the only obvious ways one could tell that I was lacking sleep.

"It's not just that Jake. I just can't get to sleep, not anymore." Jake frowned but then smirked. He moved to stand right next to me, where he grabbed my hand pulling me to the bed.

"Well, then I guess that is what we are going to do." I was confused as hell, 

"Jake, what do you mean?" Jakes smirk grew. As he pulled back the blankets on my bed and set the pillows up all without letting go of me.

"Jake, what are you doing?" Jake stopped his actions and turned to me. 

"Felix. Right here and right now, we are going to sleep in this bed. You need it, Felix," I frowned knowing he was right. He was always right, 

"When did you become so wise?" Jake smiled, 

"I think it's a natural thing." I laughed as Jake pulled me so I was now standing right next to the bed. He gestured for me to get in first, I sighed knowing he was not going to give this up. I let go of his hand and slowly moved into the bed, the softness of the mattress freaking me out. I quickly lay down, Jake soon following me.

Jake pulled the covers over us and pulled me close. I tensed up and tried to move away, but Jake kept his grip on me tight. I knew there was no chance of me getting away, so I gave in. our legs intertwined and our shoes were probably the most annoying things in the world. I growled sitting up slightly and pushing the blankets off.

"Felix, what are you doing?" I rolled my eyes, 

"I am taking these bloody shoes off. Take yours off too," Jake's eyes widened and we sat up together, taking our shoes off, 

"I didn't even notice." I laughed at him as he blushed, 

"I kind of guessed that, but hey, I don't mind, it's cute." Jake blushed, even more, reminding me of the last time I called him cute. Once all shoes were removed we lay back down, our legs intertwining again, but this time it was comfortable, I soon felt sleep falling over me. I groaned and moved in closer to Jake, whose warm body was blocking out the unusual feeling of coldness. I smile blessed my lips, and soon— I was asleep in my bed, for the first time in three years.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Jake's P.O.V

Holy cow Felix is fucking adorable when he sleeps. Oh my god— I think I just turned into a creeper. I'm watching my kinda, sorta boyfriend sleep in my arms. Great, I just creeped myself out. I sighed lying back down properly. I had moved before so I could see if Felix really was asleep or not, and so I just spent the last hour looking at Felix's sleeping face. 

I groaned, annoyed that Felix was too fucking cute. Why did I have to fall for someone so cute, but so messed up? People think that this relationship is messed up, and is all about the physical stuff. Well, most of it is physical; we just haven't had enough time to talk, because whenever we get together, it's been days since we have actually been able to be alone, so we just go for each other. And the only reason there were days long gaps between our meetings, was because no one knew about us, and it was too suspicious.

"Don't hurt me— I didn't do it—" I furrowed my brow as I looked at Felix, whose face was now scrunched up. My eyes widened as I realised, he was having a nightmare. I quickly grabbed his shoulders and began to shake him, but it didn't work. 

"Felix, wake up." I sighed before leaning down placing my lips on his. His lips froze as they stopped talking, but began moving against mine. I smiled moving so I was half lying on top of him, one of my hands sitting next to his head, holding me up while the other moved to his hip and traced circles on top of his jeans.

Felix groaned finally waking up, one of his hands moved to my neck pulling me closer as it entangled in my hair, while the other moved to grab the hand that was tracing circles on him intertwining them. Using that hand I gripped onto him as if comforting him from the dream.

"Jake—" he muttered. I smiled continued kissing him cutting him off. I began kissing harder causing Felix to groan and roll us over so he was sitting on top of me. It was my turn to groan, and it was at the feeling of Felix on top of me. I pulled my hand from his and moved both of my hands to grab Felix's head pulling him impossibly closer finally letting my tongue dance across his lower lip, causing the both of us to groan.

Felix slowly opened his mouth letting me in. I smiled which made it nearly impossible to kiss but I managed. After a while, Felix started to pull away but I wouldn't let him. I rolled us back over so he was on the bed again and I moved my lips to his neck, finding his sweet spot and kissing, licking and biting at it.

"Jake— stop." I shook my head biting down harder causing Felix to groan, 

"No seriously Jake— stop." I frowned and pulled away letting Felix jump up from the bed, his back to me. 

"I'll be right back." I nodded grimly. My stomach churned at the thought of having done something that would hurt Felix. I didn't mean to, it's just— 

"Yeah—" What the fuck have I done? I sighed as I threw myself backwards onto the bed, closing my eyes simply wishing that the last few moments never happened. 

Felix's P.O.V

I so hope he doesn't think he messed up— it wasn't him it was me— I just got too excited— if you catch my drift. I groaned as I hopped up off the floor of the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My cheeks and eyes were bright red matching the new hickey on my neck.

I frowned digging into the bathroom cupboard looking for something I desperately need. When I found the little brown box, I smiled widely— finally— something I have needed to do for hours. I quickly undid the belt of my jeans, allowing me to slide them down so that my hips were visible— sort of. 

My hips were riddled with red and white cuts, some old, some new, some healed, some scars. I sighed opening the box and pulling out one of my blades. How my family doesn't ask what's in the box I do not know. I smiled again as I looked at the blade, 

"Hello, old friend—" And with those words, I let the blade meet my skin. I let out a little cry as the blade ran over some of my newer cuts, splitting them open again. I had about seven on each hip before, and now I have at least fifteen. I sighed and lifted up my shirt and looked at my bare stomach, which was also sadly covered in white scars. 

I growled at my stomach for it being bare, so I let the blade dance across it seven or eight times. I dropped the blade back in the box with all my other blood riddled blades, before pulling out everything I would need to clean my cuts.

"Felix is everything okay?" I screamed and jumped causing the blood of my cuts to flow again causing me to groan, 

"Yeah I'm fine Jake— what do you want?" Jake sighed and I heard the door move. Jake had leant against the door.

"I was worried about you— I'm sorry about before." I sighed; my hands resting on the bathroom bench, my cuts finally cleaned and wrapped up.

"Don't worry about it— it was my entire fault. I shouldn't— I shouldn't have let it happen. I shouldn't have been asleep. I just—" I growled quickly cleaning up the mess I made before fixing my clothes and ripping the door open.

"It's all you Jake— you just keep on messing up all the sense of order I have created for myself. My life was fine before we K—" I couldn't say it. I loved everything we had right now, but everything just kept on getting weirder and weirder from there, and I don't know if I can handle it before losing it all. 

"Before we kissed," I sighed and forced myself to look away from Jake. How can I explain anything about me without him hating me? Without myself hating me— I couldn't— that's how. I growled suddenly angry again, 

"We can't do this Jake— you need to go. I've realised I don't like you— I never really did. I just pitied you and was freaked out so I went along with it." That was a complete and total lie— but I had to say something that would hurt him, anything that would hurt him. I turned and looked at Jake, who looked like he was about to collapse to the ground. 

"Get out of my house, and get out of my life, Jake Riles. If you ever talk to me again, it will be when you are bullying me and back to your true self." With that, I grabbed Jake's arms and pushed him out of my house. 

I slammed the door shut, and quickly walked into the backyard and into my room, slamming that door shut, and locking it. I quickly pulled all my curtains closed immersing myself in the darkness of my room. That's when it happened— I burst into tears and ran over to my bed, falling on it, and then falling asleep after a while.

Jake's P.O.V

No— just no— what we had was real— wasn't it? I— I thought he liked me— he just— he wouldn't lie to me, would he? It was all fake, wasn't it? I sighed as I arrived home collapsing on my bed. My body felt drained and I honestly felt like dying. 

"AHHHHHH!" I cried out and burst into tears for the second time since he kicked me out. I grabbed my pillow and began sobbing into it. 

My body was no longer mine to control as Felix's words ran through my head over and over again, and I knew it— everything I had done— whatever Felix and I had together, it wasn't meant to be. 

I forced Felix into doing something he didn't want. I continually kissed him, even after he asked me to stop. And all the feelings were one sided. I liked Felix, a lot, yet, the only emotion he had towards me and the only one he will ever have, is hate. He will, never, ever be able to love someone as horrible as me. 

Eventually, I heard the front door open, and I knew it was Mum. But I couldn't let her see me like this; she already has too much to worry about. I sat up wiping my eyes and cheeks, before standing up and walking out of my room. But I didn't get very far, Mum was waiting outside my door and she pushed me in and back onto my bed.

I watched as she closed the door, before coming and sitting down next to me on my bed. I frowned and went to ask what she was doing, but she cut me off by pulling me close and into one of her mother's hugs. I smiled and burst into tears, wrapping my arms around her.

"I don— I don't— kn-know wha-what hap—happened. I thought— I really thought h-he liked— me back," Mum ran her fingers through my hair and it comforted me.

"Sweetie, sometimes things like this happen. Look at your father and me," I frowned pulling away from her slightly, 

"But Felix wouldn't— he wanted me to know his secret, but I wouldn't let— him tell me. I wanted— him to keep— i-t to him-himself, so he— still had— part of himself— to himself—" Mum grabbed my head sitting it on her lap as she patted my head, 

"Oh, Jakie— maybe he really wanted you to know." I shook my head, 

"He said he pitied me for liking him, so he just went along with it all. He hates me Mum— he never liked me and I fell for it— I fell for him—" There I said it. The boy I have liked for months just turned into the boy I'm in love with— and he hates my guts. I let out a strangled cry at the truth— 

"Why him, Mum—? Why him?" Mum shrugged at my question. I guess parents don't have all the answers. 

"You tell me, sweetie." As she uttered the words, everything I knew about Felix came crashing down on me and I shook my head.

"I was an asshole to him, he probably just wanted revenge." Mum sighed as if she didn't believe me. I knew she wouldn't. I was her innocent, kind child. She didn't know the type of person I was when I wasn't around her. 

"Well, I don't believe that for one second." I frowned sitting up in Mum's lap.

"What do you mean?" Mum sighed at me, acting as if I was a child that was learning an important lesson. 

"If he took his time to kiss you and talk to you— then it wasn't all a lie. Maybe he was just scared you didn't really like him." I frowned, 

"I get where you're going, but he said the next time I talk to him should be when I'm bullying him next— I don't— I can't— why would he—" I couldn't find the words, as I burst into tears again, moving so I was back on my pillow. I fucking loved him— and now— now he fucking hates me— why me? Why did I have to go and screw everything up?! 

Felix's P.O.V

I was jolted awake by Dad who was standing above me. I freaked out wondering how he got into my room after I locked the door, but I frowned as I noticed the keys in his hand. I guess that answers that question. 

"I thought I told you to never come in here," I muttered the words lowly, wanting Dad to know how serious I was about him coming in here. Dad sighed, 

"Yeah, I know. But I was worried— you had your curtains closed, and now I discover you in your bed— actually sleeping. That hasn't happened in—" I finished for him, 

"—In three years." Dad nodded, before sighing and grabbing my hands as I was now sitting up in bed. I looked at him confused, 

"Dad—" I didn't know what I was going to say to him. How was I going to be able to explain anything about Jake and I to him? I guess it didn't matter as he cut me off, asking the question aloud. 

"Felix— what happened with you and Jake?" I bit my lip, my eyes watering up again. And I confessed to him, not caring about my language, 

"I fucked up so much, Dad. I got mad at myself and screwed up by screwing me up, and so I lied to Jake— I told him I pitied him for liking me so I dated him in return— but that's not true Dad. I was just— so fucking scared because— I almost told him about my anor—" I couldn't finish the word so I moved on, 

"And then I was so scared because I fell Dad— I fell hard for my bully, Jake Riles— I mean how fucked up is that Dad?" Dad frowned at me, the information about me being bullied was new to him, but I guess me kissing and falling in love with a guy was also mostly new news to him. 

"Felix I— look Son, you need to understand that relationships take work. I know this sounds mean, but sometimes the truth in the relationship hurts, and I take it you being in love with him is what hurts you?" I nodded tears falling from my eyes. I was unsure about that answer, but I think it was the best one I was going to get for a very long time.

"I hurt him so much Dad— I'm not going to be able to fix it." I jumped into my Dad's arms crying. Dad looked taken aback, but hugged me like any father would.

"You will fix it Felix— I know you will. You are stronger than you think." I shook my head, there is no way in hell I will ever be able to fix something like that. I was scared and wasn't thinking straight— I need to tell him— no— if I tell him about those bad things about me, he won't want me— my heart hurts, I didn't want to feel this pain— I need more cuts— I need more, but I have to play this off.

"Was there anything else you wanted?" I asked pulling away from the hug. Dad's eyes widened and he nodded. I think the sudden change in personality was something he wasn't ready for. 

"Umm yeah, dinners ready. So come inside when you're ready." I nodded and stood up with Dad. I stood still as I watched Dad head to the door when I stopped him.

"Dad," I quickly muttered. He turned around to look at me. I may have ruined everything for me this night with Jake, but maybe I can fix something with my Dad. 

"Yeah Son?" I frowned, biting my lip. This was it, now or never. 

"I'm sorry." Dad frowned, effortlessly confused about the way I was acting tonight. 

"For what?" My frown grew and I felt tears growing at the corners of my eyes. Tonight, today— everything was just harder than it should be, and it was painful. All I wanted was for this pain to go away, but I don't know how to make it, yet beg for forgiveness to the gods above and pray they take mercy on this damned soul. 

"For everything— this right now, Oscar, my an— my disorders— everything," Dad frowned and gave me a sad look. 

"Felix, there something I need to tell you," I nodded, my gaze on the ground. My throat was tightening up and I felt horribly scared about something, and yet, I don't even know what it is I'm scared about. 

"What is it?" I was worried now, too worried. But I couldn't let Dad notice, if he sees what I look like on the inside, he will never want to even consider calling me his son again. He will want to throw me in the trash and I'll never get the chance to fix anything. 

"Don't be." What? I stopped my train of thought and focused on Dad's words. I frowned at him, confused, 

"What do you mean 'Don't be'?" Dad smiled grimly, unsure of how to go about this situation. 

"I said, don't be sorry. None of that is your fault, it's all just circumstance." I nodded, knowing what he was talking about. He was talking about Oscar, and also Jake. And also my entire life. I sighed. 

"Okay, Dad." I watched as he smiled at me and walked out of my room, leaving the door open as he went. I sighed collapsing on my bed; I need to fix things with Jake— I have to. If I keep things the way they are now for any longer, I don't think Jake will forgive me. 

I'll be lucky if he even forgives me. The words I said to him, they were words I say to myself. I hate myself, and I took it out of Jake, simply because it was easy for him to get under my skin and know me as if I were him. 

I quickly jumped up from my bed, pulling on my shoes and running out of my room, slamming my door shut on the way. I quickly ran into the house where my family were sitting at the table eating dinner.

"I have to go do something, I'll be back later." Dad nodded and Mum went to go refuse but Dad grabbed her wrist telling her 'no'. He nodded to me as I bolted out of the house not stopping till I reached Jake's house— 

I froze when I finally arrived in front of his house. Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, I fucked up and I need to fix it— I need Jake. He was fixing me— and now I hurt him, I need to fix it, if he doesn't hate me— fuck my heart hurts.

I sighed closing my eyes, catching my breath as I walked up the short driveway to Jake's front door. When I was at the door, I raised my hand and lightly knocked. I waited and waited when the door finally opened, and there stood Jake's, Mum Sarah.

Sarah's dirty blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail, her eyes screamed 'I need sleep' but I could tell she couldn't sleep. I bit my lip frowning at her, 

"Hi— Sarah, I'm Felix— I need to talk to Jake." Hopefully, just hopefully this will fix everything. But I think I'm praying pretty fucking hard. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Jake's P.O.V

Mum suddenly got up and left the room while I was lying on my pillow. She had been sitting at the end of my bed for the last twenty minutes when she suddenly got up. That was weird— but I guess she did have stuff to do. I let out a little cry as my chest started to hurt more than before.

Where did I go wrong? Felix knew I liked him— I went public with him— was it all just a game? I growled sitting up and throwing my pillow across the room when I saw Felix standing in my room, leaning on the closed door. I sighed, 

"Great I'm hurt and I still dream about you." Felix smiled lightly, hurt still visible in his eyes, 

"You're not dreaming," I scoffed, 

"Yeah right, as if you would really be here. You don't like me remember?" I leant back on my bed, lying on my back.

"Would a dream do this?" When those words left his mouth he came over and kissed me on the lips. I couldn't help but kiss back— if I ever want Felix; this is the only time I am going to have him, so I might as well. I frowned as he pulled away and answered him, 

"Yeah, you would." Felix bit his lip, his face flushing. I was confused, what the hell is going on with me? Felix then stood up and walked away from a few steps and then said four words that almost broke my heart, almost because he had already broken it— 

"Please don't hate me." I frowned sitting up, swinging my legs off the side of the bed, 

"Why would I hate you, Felix?" I frown grew on Felix's face, 

"For hurting and lying to you— I was just— I was scared because something like that had never happened to me, and I was confused, and I didn't believe you didn't like me and I—" I cut him off, 

"It's really you isn't it?" I stood up and walked over to him where he was staring at the ground— 

"Why wouldn't it be me?" I smiled, grabbing him and pulling him into my arms, wrapping them around his waist, as he did the same to me.

"Because you hate me— I thought I couldn't have you anymore in real life, and that I could only have you in my dreams— so when you came in here, I just assumed I had fallen asleep." Felix bit his lip, looking up at me with his big brown eyes that were still surrounded with eyeliner from the morning.

"But I don't hate you— I was just scared you wouldn't like me if you found out the real me. and then I thought my feelings were moving too quickly, so I went to what I do best, which is pushing people away after I fuck up and then—" I frowned cutting him off, 

"Felix, what do you mean 'After you fuck up'?" Felix sighed pulling himself from my arms before sitting down on the bed.

"There's something I do— well actually two things I do that make me feel better, but they aren't good things— they make me uglier." I let out a little laugh, 

"Felix, you are not ugly, and nothing could ever make you uglier— ever okay?" Felix looked up to me nodding, 

"Okay, but still— I do these things and I tried to tell you a really did, well only one of them actually, but never mind— I just— I want to tell you now, so you can understand why I pushed you away, and so if I ever do it again— you don't hate me— okay?" I nodded wearily and watched as he stood up and walked over to me.

"I want you to turn around— only for a little bit, though, okay?" I nodded again and asked him a question, 

"You're not going to run off are you?" Felix shook his head laughing lightly, 

"No— I'll try not to run from you ever again." I smiled at him and turned around closing my eyes. I listened and hear rustling around coming from behind and waited until Felix finally talked, 

"You can turn around— just please don't be mad." I turned almost ready to laugh and say 'Why would I be mad?' when I saw it. Felix had taken his shirt off and I saw everything. I frowned and moved close to him. His ribs were visible so much; I could count each and every one of them. But that wasn't what stood out, it was my name carved into his stomach. I winced and I walked over to him, placing the tips of my fingers on it. Felix instantly sucked his stomach in, and I took my hand away, 

"Sorry." Felix sighed, 

"Don't be, it's my fault." I frowned at him, 

"No it's not Felix— life is just— stupid and confusing and mean. And I hope in your life, and I was only the first two." This caused Felix to let out a little laugh, but frowned again, 

"But that's not all Jake." I frowned, 

"What do you mean?" Felix sighed and moved his hands to the belt of his jeans causing my eyes to widen and lash my hand to cover my eyes.

"Felix what are you doing?" Felix sighed again, 

"I am showing you everything. Jake— after Oscar's accident, I resorted to not eating— and became an-ano—" he sighed not being able to say it, 

"Anorexic." I finished for him. He nodded and I felt his hands grab my hand which was covering my eyes and pull it down. I opened my eyes to look at him and gasped at the sight of it. His hips were decorated with cuts of differing colours and size. I frowned at him, 

"Oh, Felix— I did some of this?" Felix shook his head vigorously, 

"No, it was all me. I was punishing myself for liking you and falling for you—" I cut him off, 

"You fell for me?" Felix gasped, 

"Sorry, that wasn't meant to come out." I smiled so brightly I thought I wouldn't be able to see anything ever again.

"I fell for you too Felix." This caused the gothic boy to freeze and look at me, 

"You— fell for— me?" I nodded, 

"Yeah, I really did." Felix smiled, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me down to his lips. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled his body close to mine, being careful about his stomach and hips, kissing him back with everything I had. Part of me still believed what was happening right now was a dream, but the other part of me, believe that what was happening right now, was real.

"I want to tell my family— properly." My eyes widened and I pulled away from Felix, 

"Are you sure?" He nodded pulling away from me as well and moving to go and get his shirt as he fixed his pants on the way. I bit my lip, shaking any awkward thoughts from my head as I watched him. I sighed upset that I never noticed how broken he was— the boy I loved was so broken, and he tried to tell me— and I wouldn't let him, but now he has— will things be different? Is that what he wanted— me to treat him the same?

"I just want my parents to know the real truth. Dad is still a bit confused with it all, but hopefully, he will understand after this." I smiled and walked over to him as he pulled his shirt over his body, covering up everything that is soon to be scars. I quickly wrapped my arms around his body from behind and pulled him down onto my bed with me. Felix yelped and tried to pull away but my grip on him was too tight, 

"Don't— I just want to hold you for a few minutes." Felix sighed and nodded snuggling into me as much as he could. I sighed happily and snuggled my nose into his shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw the hickey I gave him earlier, was not fully visible. I smiled wrapping my mouth around it and biting lightly. Felix groaned and started moving away from me again, 

"Jake now is not the time. We can do that later but right now, I want to go talk to my parents before they heard some wacko bizarre story from someone in town." I sighed nodding, 

"You're right— sorry, you're just so irresistible." I quickly bit down again before letting go of Felix and getting up pulling on my shoes. I turned to face Felix who was looking at me while he was lying on his side and was looking at me. His powerful gaze caused me to blush as I looked away, 

"Why are you staring?" Felix shrugged standing up, 

"I don't know— I just felt like it." I bit my lip and stood up before walking to my door. I quickly turned back to Felix, 

"Come and get me when you're ready." He nodded. I walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open and went to go find Mum who was asleep on the couch. I sighed leaning in the doorway; she just looked so wreaked— I wish she would just give up one of her shifts. Suddenly arms wrapped around my waist and I looked over my shoulder to see Felix hugging me, 

"We need to go before it gets dark. Do you want to leave her a note?" I nodded and walked awkwardly to the kitchen because Felix refused to let go of me. I quickly wrote down that I would be at Felix's for the night, in case she didn't wake up until the morning, which I hoped would be the case.

"Felix, let go." I felt Felix shake his head from behind me, 

"No, I am never letting you go again." I froze and felt my face flush. I quickly turned around in his arms, grabbing them and pushing him until he was against the wall where my lips met his. It was then Felix's turn to freeze until he began kissing me back. I smirked before pulling away and dropping the note on the table in front of Mum, before walking back over to Felix, who was standing in a daze and pulling him out of my house, by his hand.

On the walk away from my house and on the way to his, we never let go of each other's hands. I smiled at the feeling of his soft small hand sitting in mine. I was amazed, for a guy he was normal height, but he was just so skinny, and so that meant he was smaller weight wise. I still don't know how his hands were so soft; I would have to ask, 

"Jake, are you listening to me?" I jumped at the sound of his voice. I turned to Felix who had a cute confused look on his face.

"Sorry, no— I was distracted," Felix sighed nodding, 

"Of course you were." He said with a smile on his face. I growled and nudged him but my eyes widened as I realised what I did. And because I knew, I saw it— the look of pain in his eyes. 

"Felix, crap I am so sorry, I forgot." Felix let out a little laugh.

"It's okay, it's going to take some getting used to— it just hurts a little, I think I took the bandages off too soon—" I was confused, 

"You had bandages on?" he nodded. 

"You couldn't tell?" I shook my head, 

"Are they skin colour?" Felix shook his head, 

"They're white— so I guess they match my skin colour." I let out a little laugh, pulling him close, 

"Sorry, I just— I guess we were kind of rough with each other before the fight, so I was used to it. But now—" I trailed off not really knowing what to say.

"Don't worry about it, Jake. I'm fine really." I knew he was lying, but I wasn't going to comment. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand tighter. After that fiasco, we continued on our walk to his house when I asked, 

"Why are your hands so soft?" What the actual fuck? Why did I just ask him that? I bit my lip as my face flushed while Felix stared at me, blushing himself.

"I don't actually know— I didn't know my hands were soft." I bit my lip, 

"Sorry, let's just pretend I never said that okay?" Felix laughed and nodded, 

"Okay." After that, we walked the rest of the way to his house in silence. But it was a comfortable silence, the kind where you can just be with someone, and not have to worry about making conversation.

I sighed at the feeling, feeling finally content with the world. I had Felix in my hands, literally, soon, he would be in my arms, and we can just sleep all night— and hopefully I won't watch him like a creeper the last time I did— or should I say earlier? Wow— I amazed at how much can happen in a day. We sorta tell a whole bunch of people we're together, then we have a huge fight which doesn't end well, and then we make up and are now going over to his parents to tell them about us.

I gulped, now nervous about what is about to go down. We were now in front of his house, and I felt like I was about to cut off Felix's circulation because I was squeezing his hand so hard. I looked to Felix, and my thought was correct, it was shown by the look on his face.

"Sorry," I muttered and quickly loosened my grip, just for Felix to do exactly what I did to him, to me.

"Don't worry— I'm as scared as you are." I nodded, 

"I'm not sure that's actually a good thing— I just— don't want your Dad to butcher me or something." Felix laughed, 

"Please, he owns a convenience store, as if he has the strength to butcher you." I shrugged, 

"You never know." Felix laughed again, and I laughed with him, 

"You ready?" I asked him, 

"Nope— are you?" I shook my head, 

"Nope," Repeating his words, 

"Then let's go," he said, fear lacing his voice. I nudged his arm making sure not to hit his body, 

"Hey, don't worry— you're the one that said your Dad couldn't hurt us." Felix laughed and nodded, 

"Yeah— you're right." I smiled, 

"That's because I'm always right." Felix smiled and nodded as we walked up to his front door, and we then entered. When we entered, Felix's Mum Kathy was pacing around the kitchen while his Dad Ken, and was trying to calm Kathy down. I watched as her fuzzy blonde hair flurried all over the place as she walked around frantically.

"I thought I told you 'I'll be back later'— don't you know that's code for don't worry?" I bit my lip at Felix's sarcastic attempt to try and clear the air. Kathy had frozen once Felix had talked, and was now looking between the two of us. Ken was smiled just behind her, and it was kinda freaking me out.

"And where the hell have you been?" Both Felix and I winced at the volume of Kathy's voice.

"I was at Jake's," Felix stated. I was amazed at how confident he was as he spoke to his mother who I was now more scared of than Ken— 

"And why would you just run out of the house without proper permission. I was worried sick, you didn't come and eat, your father had to go out and get you for dinner! Your curtains were closed and we were all worried sick!" Felix scoffed, letting go of my hands and stepping forward. I knew not to interfere; this was something that had to be settled between him and his Mum.

"Well, it's not like you tried to stop me from leaving!" Kathy looked taken aback, 

"Well I—" Felix scoffed, 

"Exactly— I came here to tell you some brilliant news, and you just had to go and ruin in by getting mad at me!" Felix was at the point of fuming at his mother who looked both upset and mad. I sighed walking to Felix and pulled him back a little.

"What— what did you want to tell me?" Felix sighed before looking at me. I nodded and he said it.

"I'm with Jake— literally— we're dating." I smiled and grabbed his hand, interlacing my fingers with his. Kathy looked confused at first but then smiled.

"Finally— I've wanted you to date someone for years, mainly Ellen, but that doesn't matter. If you hurt my baby boy, I will not be afraid to hurt you got it." That last part was so directed at me— I nodded at her vigorously. Felix laughed at me, squeezing my hand gently leaning into me. I smiled right back at him, and pulled him close, wrapping my arms around his waist, stopping him from going anywhere, just like what he did to me back at my house.

Kathy awed and looked at us happily. I smiled at her resting my head on Felix's shoulder lightly digging my chin into his shoulder tickling him. Felix squirmed making me need to hold him still before something happened. I then realised something— turned to Oscar who had a sad look on his face.

"Are you okay Oscar?" Oscar looked up to me, a glare in his eye, causing me to be taken aback— I furrowed my brows confused. I turned to Felix who was talking with his Mum happily, so I quickly interrupted them, and whispered into Felix's ear, 

"I'm going to go wait in your room. I think you need to talk to Oscar." Felix looked confused, as he looked to Oscar, and saw his glare. Felix nodded before turning back to his Mum, 

"Do you mind if Oscar and I talk in private?" Kathy nodded and walked out of the room dragging Ken with her. I smiled at him and quickly pecked him on the lips before walking out of the house and into the backyard. I looked up at all the stars that were now decorating the sky and smiled, they remind me of Felix's smile. I hope that talk with Oscar will be okay.

Felix's P.O.V

I sat down on the couch in front of Oscar. The glare he was giving Jake confused me, was he mad at me, or mad at Jake because right now, he is giving me the same glare. I furrowed my brows looking for the right words— 

"Who are you mad at?" Oscar looked confused, 

"What?" I sighed, 

"Who are you mad at, me or Jake?" Oscar made an 'oh' face and then frowned, 

"You," I frowned, 

"Why Oscar, what did I do?" Oscar sighed, and growled, 

"Why didn't you tell me? You have been acting weird for the last two weeks, and then you suddenly announce to us that you are dating the school bully. What's been going on with you for the past two weeks? I want to know, now." I sighed, 

"Look, Oscar, it's a long story—" He cut me off, 

"Long story or not, I have time," I sighed, 

"Well, I don't. I have my boyfriend waiting for me to spend time with him. Why are you making such a big deal of this?" Oscar scoffed, 

"I just want you to go back to being who you used to be before you so close to Jake." My eyes widened, 

"So you want me to go back to being depressed? Because that is what I was before I was with Jake." Oscar frowned and went to reply but I didn't let him, "I don't want to hear it until tomorrow. I just— I don't understand why you're making a huge deal out of something that is really good for me— I need him in my life; if he isn't in my life— then it just doesn't feel right. I want my brother back as much as you do— but I want the proper Oscar, not the one I am looking at right now." 

And with that, I walked out of the room and went straight to mine, where Jake was lying on my couch with his hands over his eyes. I smirked, closing the door and silently locking it and ran over jumping onto Jake straddling him. I quickly pinned his arms down beside his head; Jake opened his eyes and looked at me, 

"Hi there," I smiled and replied, 

"Hi—" Jake looked at me confused, 

"What— are you doing?" I shrugged,

"Just you know— chillin'—" Oh my god what was that? I blushed biting down on my lip to not say anything else when I noticed Jake looking at my lips. I smirked and leant down connecting our lips. Jake responded instantly, causing me to let go of his hands which instantly went to my thighs squeezing tightly making me jump into him. One of my hands went into his hair, while the other rested on his chest holding me up ever so slightly.

Suddenly one of Jake's hands left my leg and pulled the hand that was holding me up, out from where it was, causing me to fall and have my chest crash into his. He then pulled that arm so it was wrapped around his neck and he was using my forearm as a pillow. I smiled into the kiss, gripping onto his hair tightly and pulling it a little.

"Boys," My eyes widened and I jumped up off of Jake and turned around to see Dad standing the doorway with his hands covering his face. I bit my lip and laughed a little at seeing Dad like that. Suddenly I was pulled down and forced to sit on Jake's lap, 

"You can come in now, and uncover your eyes." Dad sighed in relief dropping his hand and entering the room. 

"Sorry, I just needed to talk to you, so Kathy doesn't have to be a creep and do it." I was confused, 

"What are you talking about Dad?" Ken sighed, 

"All I am going to do is ask a question, and that is it okay?" I turned to Jake and he nodded. I turned back to Dad nodding myself. Dad sighed before finally talking, 

"Have you boys— done it?" My eyes widened and I laughed, like full on barking, and tears falling from the corners of my eyes laughter.

"No Dad— we haven't— 'Done it'," Dad sighed and muttered something under his breath, 

"Okay, so it your mother comes in here asking questions, just tell her to leave okay?" Jake and I nodded as Dad got up and left, closing the door on his way, and locking it again with the keys. I turned back to Jake, who was now blushing like crazy, 

"That was awkward," I muttered and Jake nodded blushing even harder, making me laugh. Jake's eyes widened and he growled at me, tackling me to the couch and tickling my side. I cried out and laughed, 

"Jake, stop!" I called out. He stopped instantly; I opened my eyes which had closed in the tickle ordeal and looked straight into Jake's eyes.

"I love you." The words came out before I could stop them. Jake's eyes widened as he looked at me, before pulling me close wrapping his arms around me, 

"I love you too Felix." I smiled at him as he hopped up off of me, and reached his hand out. I quickly grabbed it as he pulled me up off the couch, and dragged me over to the bed and sat me on it, before getting down and taking my shoes off for me. My eyes widened as I blushed and pulled my feet away, but it was too late, he had already taken my shoes off. I growled, 

"Why did you go and do that?" Jake shrugged, 

"Because I wanted to," He leant down to take his shoes off.

"Do you own pyjamas?" What? I stopped to think about it and nodded, 

"Yeah, I'll try and find some." I jumped up from the bed and went over to my dresser where I found two pairs of black, loose pants— eh close enough. I walked back over to Jake and threw the pants at him, hitting him directly in the face. I burst out laughing at his reaction of shock.

"Sorry, I just had to laugh," Jake shrugged, 

"It is okay; do you want to turn away from each other?" I bit my lip and nodded. Even though he knew, I was still scared of him seeing my thighs which were also decorated with scars.

Jake nodded in return and stood up turning so his back was to me. I did the same, quickly pulling off my jeans and pulling the loose pants up. I turned back around to see Jake standing there with no shirt on, facing me. My eyes widened and I gasped, 

"Um Jake," I heard a light chuckle, 

"Yeah," I bit my lip, 

"You're shirtless—" Jake laughed again, only this time louder. I suddenly felt Jake rip my hands away from my eyes, but I kept my eyes closed so I still didn't see anything.

"Felix, I hate sleeping in a shirt, so if I am shirtless, you will be too. I opened my eyes almost screaming, 

"No— no way, I always sleep in my shirt." This made Jake laugh, 

"Felix, you never get changed into pyjamas— from now on, you are to sleep in pyjamas. Either that or naked pick one," My eyes widened and I slapped Jake on the shoulder, 

"That is horrible," Jake laughed, 

"Your eyes are open," I growled at him and pushed past to my bed. I quickly crawled in, moving over to one side so Jake could hop in the other— but he had other plans. I felt Jake's arms crawl around my waist and pull me into the middle of the bed. I didn't bother fighting, suddenly feeling tired.

I groaned and turned around so I could snuggle into Jake, his warmth nice in the freezing cold bed. I didn't care anymore he had his shirt off because this boy had some abs and a nice chest. I mean— whoa— I completely forgot he was a footballer, of course, he would have abs. I sighed, sleep coming over me again and with that, I fell asleep for the second time in one day for the first time in who knows how long. I was happy with how this all turned out, and so I fell asleep, with a smile on my face.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Jake's P.O.V

When I woke up in the morning, I was alone in the bed. I frowned sitting up and looking around the room to see Felix sitting over on his couch, a little black book out and sitting on the desk. I frowned confused as to why Felix was up, 

"Why didn't you wake me?" Felix jumped and looked up to me, 

"Jake, shit— I didn't notice you were awake." I nodded and watched as he closed the book shoving it in his school bag, 

"Felix, what time is it?" Felix looked down to his phone which was next to him, and called out to me, 

"It's about elevenish, why?" I sighed, 

"What time did you wake up?" Felix looked confused, 

"What do you mean?" I sighed getting up from the bed and walking over to the couch where it seemed Felix was trying to become the couch, 

"I mean, how long ago did you wake up?" Felix sighed, 

"You won't be happy." I nodded, 

"Okay, tell me." Felix sighed biting his lip and looking as far away from me as possible. He was so scared—

"Fourish." I frowned and pulled Felix tight into my arms, 

"Felix you should have woken me up. I could have kept you company." Felix shrugged and wiped at his face, and I knew he was crying. My heart broke at the sight, and I held him tighter, kissing the top of his head.

"Please don't cry." Felix gripped onto my pant leg, crying into the other one.

"You would think after all the crying I did yesterday, I wouldn't have any tears left right now huh?" I bit my lip and sat Felix up, 

"Do not say things like that okay?" he nods and continues to wipe tears from his eyes. I sigh and grab his head, turning it to face me. I looked him in the eyes and said, 

"Felix, whenever in doubt, confide in me okay?" he nodded and smiled weakly. I returned the smile, 

"Thank you, Jake." I shrugged, 

"Anything for you Felix," He nodded, and I jumped up from our place on the couch, and pulled Felix up with me. The movement caused him to lose his balance, so I had to pull him close, which made me fall down onto the couch with him right in between my legs. I groaned at the fall but felt comfortable with Felix on me. I let out a little laugh, 

"Well, this is awkward." I let out more of a laugh at Felix's words. I snaked my arms around his waist, pulling him closer.

"Not for me— I quite like this position," Felix growled at me, jumping up and walking over to his bed and sitting on it. I frowned hopping up from the couch, 

"Felix, are you okay?" Felix looked up and nodded, 

"Yeah I'm good— I just, am not used to doing things like that," I let out a little laugh, 

"Don't worry; I was just making a joke about it then. We don't have to do stuff like that for a long time; I was just making a joke because we fell over and landed like that." Felix nodded but didn't look to me. I sighed biting my lip as I stood up and walked to where Felix was sitting. I sat down next to him and grabbed his hands in mine, 

"Felix, are you okay?" he shook his head, 

"I just, don't understand why you are doing stuff like this— you know, being with me. I'm not right, I'm broken." I smiled at him, 

"Oh Felix, we're both broken in different ways." Felix frowned and looked at me oddly, 

"What do you mean 'We're broken in different ways'?" I sighed and pulled him close again, holding him close, sitting my chin on his head.

"It doesn't matter. I will tell you later." Felix sighed and nodded, snuggling into me.

Felix's P.O.V

I woke up too early this morning. I was used to going to sleep at that time, so waking up at that time was weird. So I got up and did what I usually did and wrote in my diary. It was a little black book that had everything I needed, written down in it. It was my lifeline, aside from Jake now of course.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I jumped at the sound of Jake's voice coming from my bed across the room, 

"Jake, shit— I didn't notice you were awake." He nodded sitting up in the bed.

"Felix— what time is it?" I pulled my phone from next to me and saw the time, 

"It's about Elevenish, why?" Jake sighed, 

"What time did you wake up?" My eyes widened, fuck, why did he have to ask that? I don't want to tell him, 

"What do you mean?" Why the hell did I say that? Jake got up from the bed and came over to me. I tried to move into the couch but yeah— that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"I mean, how long ago did you wake up?" I bit my lip harder, 

"You won't be happy." I started to move away from Jake, 

"Okay, tell me," I sighed, 

"Fourish," Jake sighed, 

"Felix you should have woken me up. I could have kept you company." I shrugged and wiped at my face, tears were beginning to fall. Shit— why did I have to start crying. Jake sighed pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. I sighed in pleasure at the feeling of Jake holding me like this, but it didn't halt my crying,

"Please don't cry." I gripped onto Jake's pant leg, crying into the other one.

"You would think after all the crying I did yesterday, I wouldn't have any tears left right now huh?" My words caused me to sit up and look at him, who wore a sad look, making my heart break— God I'm hurting him.

"Do not say things like that okay?" I nod at his words and wipe more tears from my eyes. Jake sighs and grabs my head, turning it to face him. He looked into my eyes and said, 

"Felix, whenever in doubt, confide in me okay?" I nodded and smile weakly at hi, making him return the smile, 

"Thank you, Jake." My words made him shrug, and smile properly

"Anything for you Felix," I nodded and watched as Jake jumped up from our place on the couch, and pulling me up with him. My eyes widened as the movement caused me to lose my balance, forcing Jake to pull me close to him, which caused him to lose his own balance, which made him fall down onto the couch with me right in between his legs. Holy crap! This is awkward— Jake groaned at the fall, but looked oddly comfortable, Jake let out a little laugh, 

"Well, this is awkward," I muttered causing Jake let out a laugh. He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.

"Not for me— I quite like this position," I growled at him, jumping up from the couch and walking over to my bed and sitting on it. How does he do that with me every day? I don't get it. Jake hopped up from his place on the couch and walked over to me, 

"Felix, are you okay?" I looked up to Jake and nodded. He was standing just in front of me now.

"Yeah I'm good— I just, am not used to doing things like that," Jake let out a little laugh. His laugh was so cute and deep, 

"Don't worry; I was just making a joke about it then. We don't have to do stuff like that for a long time; I was just making a joke because we fell over and landed like that." I nodded keeping my head down, not really wanting to look at Jake. My actions cause Jake to sigh, and stand up from his place on my bed, and walked to where I was sitting. He sat down next to me and grabbing my hands. What the hell? What is he trying to do?

"Felix, are you okay?" Oh— that. I shook his head knowing I wasn't going to be able to lie to him. It seems as if he can see right through me, I need to explain what I'm feeling— or I'll just do what I did before and push him away, and then I'm fucked, 

"I just, don't understand why you are doing stuff like this— you know, being with me. I'm not right, I'm broken." Jake smiled at me, which was beginning to freak me out, how can he smile so much?

"Oh Felix, we're both broken in different ways." I frowned and looked at Jake like he was an alien, 

"What do you mean 'We're broken in different ways'?" because quite frankly I had no fucking clue. Jake sighed and pulled me close to him. I smiled basking in his warmth. In this position, it allowed Jake to put his chin on my head.

"It doesn't matter. I will tell you later." I sighed and nodded, snuggling into Jake. I don't care if he never explains because all I want right now is to be wrapped in Jake's arms.

I pulled away from Jake and shoved him so he was in what someone might call a normal position to sleep, on my bed; before lying down with him, wrapping my arms around his neck, making Jake sigh. I smirked and moved one hand from its spot around his neck, slowly moving it down his body, so it was touching his abs lightly.

I then dropped my hands and gripped Jake's abs tightly, causing the bigger boy to gasp and grab my hand. He only had one hand since I was lying on his other arm, which allowed me to take advantage of the situation. I then used my other hand to play with the ends of his hair, something I knew he loved, in the other sort of way, which forced him to release the hand on his abs and grab the other hand around his neck. Using my now free hand traced Jake's abs which caused him to moan lightly releasing the hand around his neck, and moved it so he was gripping onto my side.

"Fe-Feli-Felix what are you— doing?" he managed to get out in between gasps and small moans, I shrugged and started playing with his hair again, 

"I don't know, bored I guess." Jake groaned, before grabbing both of my hands, pinning them to the side of me, and then rolling the both of us so I was on my back and Jake was sitting on top of me, straddling my hips. I groaned at the feeling of him on top of me, it just seemed natural.

I laughed as Jake's hands moved so one was sitting right next to my head, and was able to grab the ends of my hair, pulling of them every so often making me groan. I guess it was payback for what I was doing to him before. His other hand was sitting on my waist, tracing over my cuts. It didn't feel awkward it felt— nice, arousing even— god that is so sad, 

"Felix?" I hummed in response, Jake moved closer to my face kissing me lightly. I groaned the light kiss wasn't enough. I moved my head up to meet Jake's but he pulled his away, 

"What are you doing?" I frowned biting my lip, 

"I'm trying to kiss you— why?" Jake smirked, 

"It's a problem because I am in control, and you are not allowed to do anything. That's your punishment." I frowned biting down on my lip harder, trying to get Jake's attention by doing so.

"But if I didn't start anything, this wouldn't be happening now true?" right now, I was so glad neither of us was wearing shirts. But it meant my stomach and chest were visible to Jake to see. And that meant all my scars were visible for him to see.

Jake finally noticed me biting down on my lip, causing Jake to bit down on his own and groan before dropping down and capturing my lips in his. I groaned as he finally released my hands allowing me to move them to grip his head. I pulled Jake harder down on me, pushing my hips up into his, which made him grip my waist with his hands. That then gave me the advantage to push him up and roll us over again so I was on top.

"Jake—" I groaned my hands having a mind of their own, and dropping down to his pants, and tucking a single finger under the waistband. The sound that came from Jake made me lose complete control. I moved my lips from his down to his neck, where I attacked his Adam's apple, sucking, licking and biting down on it, allowing the sounds to continuously come from Jake's mouth.

With my hand that wasn't gripping Jake's— my— the pants Jake was wearing, started to trace his chest lightly, with a teasing touch. Jake groaned louder than before gripping my hips painfully. But I love the pain of it, and it caused me to groan, throwing my head back in bliss. Jake then took the opportunity to attack my neck, flipping us back over, sliding one of his hands into the waistband of my pants, touching my boxers.

I groaned out wanting more when it hit me. My eyes widened and I began to pull away from Jake. I quickly jumped up from the bed and walked over to the couch, groaning at the loss of Jake's body on mine. Jake sat up on the bed looking at me confused when it hit him. I watched as his eyes widened, 

"Oh my god Felix, I am so fucking sorry— you just— made me lose control. I just—" Jake was stuttering as he got up and walked over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist hugging me tightly.

"Jake— don't be apologising for something that's not your fault. It was completely my fault, I tempted you and then I didn't stop you." I buried my head in Jake's chest, the pain growing in my crotch— fuck my life. I closed my eyes as I let the pain take over my senses, making me moan lightly.

"Felix— are you okay?" I nodded and shrugged at the same time, 

"I really don't fucking know. But do you remember the other week when we were behind the school building and Sam caught us— sort of?" Jake nodded looking at me oddly as I pulled away from his chest so he could hear me clearly, 

"Well, you know when you shoved me against the wall? And I mo—" I couldn't finish the sentence, 

"You moaned yeah?" I nodded my cheeks staining a dark red. 

"Well I uh— kind of got excited, and since I didn't— you know, release, it's really painful—" I trailed off hoping Jake would know where I was going with this. It took him a moment when a look of recognition took over his face, 

"You like the pain—" I nodded slowly, 

"And it makes me— more excited if that's possible." Jake nodded and gasped pulling me close, 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I bit my lip, so many thoughts and possibilities running through my head. But I knew that would never happen— 

"Yes. But no, not right now, maybe in a few months if this ever happens again." Jake nodded, his face flushing bright red to match mine. Jake then attempted a smirk, 

"Trust me— that will be happening again. It has to because that was bloody brilliant." I smiled at his words, 

"Is that so?" Jake smirked; his blush gone and was now just smirking.

"So— so," I smiled lightly at him and he returned the smile, leaning down and pecking me lightly on the lips. My arms instantly moved to wrap around Jake's neck, holding his lips to mine and deepening the kiss. Jake didn't refuse but didn't deepen it anymore, which I am glad for because I don't think I will be able to control myself.

"I think we need to stop," Jake muttered, catching my attention. I nodded murmuring in response, 

"Yeah, I just really don't want to." Jake sighed pulling away, 

"I know Felix, but if we don't stop now, I won't be able to control myself. Do you want a repeat of what happened on the bed?" I shrugged and thought about it. As much as I want to do everything with Jake right now, it's too soon. I sighed nodding in agreement, 

"You're right. Right now I want to do everything with you, but I know we can't because it's too soon." Jake nodded resting his chin on my head, 

"I know, I love you, Felix," his words making me blush and bury my face in his neck and chest, 

"Jake—" Jake shrugged pulling out of the hug, 

"I know, I know— but how about we go get some food. You need it." I frowned biting my lip, great— now I regret telling him about my anorexia. I nodded grabbing his hand and walking over to the door when I stopped us. Jake looked at me oddly, making me turn around and walk over to my dresser and pull out two shirts, 

"I don't particularly like going out in public without a shirt on." Jake nodded smiling lightly, as he grabbed the shirt and slid it on over his head, his muscles moving as he did so. I bit my lip and looked away as I slid my own shirt on.

"Are you good?" I asked Jake still not looking; he is pretty irresistible it's sometimes annoying.

"Yeah, I'm good, why do you ask?" I squeaked blushing, 

"Just— no reason, let's go." I grabbed Jake's hand and dragged him out of my room, walking across the wet grass of the backyard barefoot, and into the house where Mum and Dad were rushing around while Oscar was sitting in his chair in the lounge room, his face flushed red. Great— he's sick again, 

"Ken, where are the keys?!" Yelled Mum at Dad, making me sigh and turn to Jake, 

"Can you just stay here for a minute?" Jake nodded, understanding what I was asking him, 

"Sure." I smiled at him, 

"Thanks," I said and quickly turned around and walked into the kitchen where I found the key sitting underneath the pile of bills. I rolled my eyes picking them up and dangling them in the air, 

"These it?" I asked which caused Mum to look at me nodding. As she pushed Oscar through the kitchen grabbing the keys on her way, before calling out, 

"Ken!" making me wince since I was right next to her.

"Kathy, be quiet!" Dad called out before following her out the door and getting Oscar into the car. I sighed and collapsed against the bench, dropping my head down on it. Why do they have to fight all the time? I'm sick of it! I growled standing up and turning around, fury powering me, but I was stopped by crashing into Jake who wrapped his arms around me, effectively stopping me from going anywhere or even moving, 

"Felix— calm down," I growled at him, 

"No— I fucked everything up! Before Oscar's accident, we were the perfect family, and now we're nothing. We can't even be classified as a family anymore; I just— need to find some way to fix it!" Jake growled right back at me, 

"There is nothing you can do! Maybe Oscar's accident was meant to happen, like fate." I growled at him, but it was half-hearted, 

"Are you saying Oscar had to have his accident? Why would you say something like that?" Why— that was stupid, no one deserves what he got, 

"I say that, because what if he didn't? Would we be standing here right now, would I be standing here with you in my arms and in love with you?" I stopped and thought about it— 

"No, I don't believe that. Oscar's accident shouldn't have happened," Jake sighed, 

"But that's exactly what it is Felix! It was an accident, a series of events happening so it could all lead up to one thing." I froze, 

"What's that one thing?" Jake smiled at me lightly, grabbing my chin and pulling close to his face, 

"Us Felix— just us," I looked into his eyes and he knew he was right. If Oscar never had his accident, we might not have happened. Oh god— I can't even think of life without Jake in it nowadays. What would happen if he left?

"Would you ever leave me?" Jake looked at me confused, 

"God no, Felix why would you think of something like that— is that— are you scared I'm going to leave you?" I bit my lip and nodded, looking away from Jake as much as I could, not wanting to see the look of hurt on his face, but I had already seen it.

"I'm sorry I thought that— I just, everyone I love leave me. My friends, my best friend, my brother hates me, my family ignores me— I just, I keep on thinking how long is Jake gonna stick around for, a month— a year? I just— I don't trust myself to keep people around. If they stick around they get hurt, and then that hurts me." Jake frowned nodding, pulling me close again, 

"I am never going to leave you. Okay?" I nodded lightly, trying to believe him with all my heart. But get abandoned one too many times, and it's hard to be able to trust people ever again.

"I'll try. I just— it's hard for me to trust—" I trailed off not really knowing what to say, 

"Trust me?" I nodded grimly, looking up to Jake.

"I love you," I muttered, which made Jake blush and kiss me lightly, 

"I love you too Felix Ferne." I smiled at the sound of my name coming from his mouth. I hope nothing goes wrong. But knowing us— something is bound to go wrong.

We may fight, or we might get hate from everyone at school. But all I care about right now is how Jake is mine, and he will be mine for as long as I can hold onto him. Which I am hoping will be forever.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Felix's P.O.V

Jake and I sat down at the table a bowl of cereal in front of us each. It was fruit loops, one of my favourites, but I didn't want to eat right now. The thought of food made me want to be sick. Jake looked at me with a sad look on his face, 

"Please Felix? Just this one time today, and you don't have to eat anything else if you don't want to." I frowned biting my lip. He was giving me an easy way; eat just this once and no more for the day. I nodded sadly before picking up the spoon, and moving it to my mouth and eating it. I almost moaned at the childish sugary flavour and began piling more and more into my mouth until there was nothing left.

I put the spoon down and looked at Jake who was smiling so widely it could light up all of Bremin. I blushed biting down on my lip, nervous from the look on his face. Why does he look so happy? I did what he asked— so why is he looking at me so oddly, 

"Jake? Are you okay?" Jake nodded his smile growing, as he reached over and grabbed one of my hands in his. 

"Felix, I'm so proud of you. I know it seems stupid, but I am so glad you did this for me. I just— I get worried about you so much, and I don't want to hurt you, but I'm scared I will, and I'm scared I will scare you off, and it will break me. But mostly I don't want you to hurt yourself. You have so many scars it scares me that they can build up so quickly. And I guess— I just love you and don't ever want to give you up or see you hurt." I felt tears running down my face at his speech, or confession, or whatever it was. I bit my lip biting down hard trying to stop the tears. Jake looked at me with tears in his own eyes as he used the hand he was holding and pulled me to the couch in the living room.

"Felix, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." I nodded smiling as his arms wrapped around me pulling me close. I then wrapped my arms around his neck and held myself closer, my crying now ceased, 

"Jake don't be sorry. These are happy tears— I just, I don't know how to respond to what you just said. No one has said that to me before— no one has said a lot of things to me before, and I guess you saying them makes me feel better." Jake nodded staring at me oddly again; I furrowed my brows and asked, 

"Why are you looking at me oddly?" Jake shrugged, 

"I don't know, but for some reason, I like what you look like when you cry." I furrowed my brows at his words, 

"I look like a freak—" I muttered bluntly confused as hell. Jake laughed lightly his chest shaking with the movement, 

"Yeah— but you're my freak." His words made my heart melt and move so I was half sitting on him. It was actually quite comfortable and I leant up, pecking him on the lips before sitting my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

I didn't think anything could ruin this moment, and I think I just jinxed myself. A bang began on my front door, and with that came the screaming of my ex-best friend— great, I turned to Jake who was looking at me with an odd expression making me shrug, 

"I literally have no fucking clue as to why she is here," I said explaining I was confused as he was. Jake nodded and stood up and began for the door, my eyes widened and I grabbed his hand, 

"What are you doing?" Jake sighed, 

"I'm getting her to leave us alone." I nodded and stood up after him, to go with him, but he stopped me, 

"Felix, I don't want her near you." I rolled my eyes, 

"Yeah, and you forget you're shirtless." Jake's eyes widened and he quickly moved from the door, 

"Right— yeah— you can get it." I rolled my eyes tapping his chest as I walked past, 

"That's what I thought, now just wait in here. I might need your help." Jake nodded and stood just behind the door as I opened it. Ellen was standing there furiously banging on the screen door which I was so glad was there. She stopped banging when she saw me, 

"Well it took you long enough," I rolled my eyes, 

"Well, I was busy Ellen. Now, what do you want?" I just wanted to get this over and done with, but Ellen had other ideas, 

"How about you let me in and we can talk about it?" My eyes widened and I shook my head, taking a step back, 

"No thanks, I think that's a bad idea." Ellen frowned and was mad again, 

"Well, why not! It's not like your house is messy, your Mum is a neat freak and I highly doubt you have anyone around, you are a loner." I sighed, how could she have forgotten?

"What do you want to talk about Ellen?" Ellen frowned crossing her arms, 

"I want to talk about how you are with that jock and not Me." my eyes widened again and looked at her like she was crazy, 

"That's what you want to talk about, my relationship?!" Ellen scoffed, 

"Please, you are not in a relationship with that thing. If you say you aren't with him, I will forgive you and then we can be together," I growled at her, 

"Look, Ellen, we never were and we never will be in a relationship. I am with Jake and I love him, so don't ever come over here and say shit like this." Ellen gasped but then smirked, 

"If you love him, why isn't he here with you?" I bit my lip not wanting her to know he was here, but Jake had other ideas, as he came around from the door and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my neck smirking, 

"Hey Babe, you all good?" He then looked up to the door and saw Ellen standing there, 

"Oh Ellen, hi what are you doing here?" Ellen frowned and glared at Felix, 

"No reason, I was just leaving." Jake's smirk grew, 

"Good— Felix and I were having alone time." With his words he pressed another kiss to my neck where there was a hickey growing, and bit down on it again, which forced me to groan lightly and grip on Jake's hand hard, not wanting to make my sounds any louder, 

"Look, Ellen, I think it may be best if you leave," Jake muttered while his mouth was still on my neck, sending shivers through my body. Jake then slammed the door shut, and dragged me back to the couch and pushed me on it, climbing on top of me, attaching his lips to my neck, biting and sucking, making me groan and roll around in attempts to get away.

"Jake, stop!" I called out playfully, which made Jake pull away with a pout on his face, 

"But why?" I rolled my eyes pushing him off of me and getting up, 

"Because we shouldn't just yet— we discussed this-this morning, we can't do anything like that. It's too soon, you know that " Jake nodded again sitting up on the couch, 

"Right, sorry but I don't really have much self-control around you." His words caused me to blush and get and walk away. I pulled my pants up properly having fallen down when Jake pulled me onto the couch, and walk into the backyard, out to my room.

I bent down and picked up Jake's shirt, needing it so I don't lose my own self-control around him. I then turned around and walked right back out of my room and into the house where Jake was looking through Mum's photo album, 

"What are you doing?" I blurted out; scaring Jake which caused him to slam the book shut and look at me, 

"I was just looking at some photos of you. I didn't know you were so cute before you turned Goth." I growled at him and walked over snatching the book from his hands, and putting it back where it belonged, before dragging Jake to the couch and pushing him down and throwing his shirt at him, 

"Get it on before I become mad, I am not cute. Never have been never will be, got it?" Jake shrugged as he slid the shirt on and wandered over to me, 

"How about we watch a movie?" I bit my lip and nodded, 

"You go pick a movie, I'm going to go get blankets, now don't pick anything scary I don't care if it's the middle of the day I don't—" I was cut off by Jake pecking my lips, effectively silencing me.

"I'm going to go get the blankets." I then quickly turned around and ran to the cupboard pulling out a couple of blankets and dumping them on the floor in front of the couch as Jake came back over from the T.V unit and had put in a movie. But it turns out it wasn't a movie, but the first season of Criminal Minds, one of my favourite T.V shows. I laughed and sat down on the couch, pulling the blankets up.

"Really Jake— Criminal Minds?" Jake nodded and a wide smile on his face, "Well I never got to watch it, so I'm stealing this afternoon to ditch you for Gideon and Hotch." I laughed louder than last time at Jake's words, 

"Really, well can Hotch or Gideon do this?" and I leant forward connecting my lips to his. Jake groaned and grabbing neck with one hand and the other went and gripped my hip. I groaned in return and pulled away, "Well?" Jake growled, 

"Shut up and kiss me." I smiled and did as he asked. We then spent the rest of our time kissing and watching Criminal Minds, having the house to ourselves for the day.

*******************

Sadly once again it was Monday and time for school. Jake went home late Sunday afternoon, thankfully he wasn't in trouble with his Mum, but she was in trouble with him. Something about too much work— I don't really remember much of the argument.

I rolled off my couch still in my clothes from yesterday, which was a pair of black pants and a red shirt. I have no clue why I was wearing the shirt, but I guess I changed it because Jake got spaghetti sauce all over my other one. How he did that I have no clue, turns out trying to feed someone else is harder than it looks when it comes to spaghetti.

I groaned my body protesting as I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a black long sleeve shirt, sliding off the red shirt and putting the new one on, then grabbing a black shirt which had something that looked like a giant rose or something. I groaned as I put it on, then finally I covered it with my school shirt which I left open and put on a pair of black skinny jeans and my shoes. I then chucked on a couple of necklaces and bracelets before walking out of my room and walking into the house where Mum and Dad were arguing again. What they were arguing about I have no clue, and have no intention of getting involved.

I quickly muttered a goodbye before grabbing my bag and running out the door. As soon as I was out of the house and down the street, I pulled out my phone and earphones, putting them in and began blasting Falling in Reverse, Don't mess with Ouija Boards.

The walk to school was always short, but today was different. It seemed I arrived at school quicker than normal, where everyone was there and was now staring at me like I was some freak show on display. Oh— right they know about Jake and me now— shit! I groaned hiking my bag over my shoulder better and began running away from the crowd and into an abandoned classroom. I slid the door shut and sat down against it, banging my head as I went, 

"How could I be so stupid and forget about something so big?" I said to myself. I wanted to kick myself, why did I let Jake and I go public so soon? What if something happens and we fight again and people decide to be jerks about it? What happens if people decide to bully Jake and throw him off his place in the school social ladder? I groaned when banging started on the door I was leaning against, causing me to jump and stand up. I looked out the window where I saw Jake. I sighed in relief and pulled open the door, dragging him in before closing and locking the door.

"Felix, are you okay?" Instead of answering, I pushed my lips onto Jake, kissing him like I haven't seen in weeks instead of hours. Jake groaned before wrapping an arm around my waist and the other went up to grab my neck, pulling me closer if it were possible. My arms wrapped around Jake's neck pulled him down harder on me. Jake lost his balance and it caused us to stumble into a table, where Jake suddenly lifted me up sitting me on it.

"Felix— really?" I smirked and nodded, wrapping my legs around his waist holding him closer to me yet again. Jake groaned again, one of his hands sneaking down to grab the bottom of my shirt, squeezing it in his hand. One of my hands sneaked up and grabbed the back of Jake's head, clinging onto his hair pulling on it, causing Jake to groan forcing my mouth open with his tongue, then began exploring. I groaned throwing my head back, which allowed Jake to attack my neck, swooping in and attaching his teeth to the hickey he gave me the other day. I gasped and finally forced Jake away, and I began catching my breath, 

"Hi—" I said, not really knowing what to say after— whatever just happened.

"Hi there, that was nice as hell." I blushed and looked down, 

"Seriously, did you have to go and do that?" Jake laughed and nodded. I rested my head on his shoulder when Jake tensed up. This confused me to all hell, why was he tensing up like that?

"Are you okay Jake?" Jake nodded stiffly and answered, 

"We have an audience of teenage girls staring at us creepily—" I gasped and turned around, but was stopped half way when I noticed my legs were still wrapped around Jake's waist. I blushed dropping my legs and turning around to see a bunch of red-faced girls staring in at us, and one or two of them had blood noses— creepy.

"Jake— when did they show up?" I turned back to Jake, who was shrugging, not taking his eyes from the girls outside, 

"Do even know who they are?" Jake shook his head, 

"Thankfully no I don't, and quite frankly I don't want to know them." I nodded in agreement glad that this room was sound proof. Jake pulled me into a hug, which I instantly melted into wrapping my own arms around him. Then the bell rang causing Jake and me to jump apart. We were in silence for a moment, before we looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Come on Felix, we better get to class before Bates eats us for lunch." I bit my lip and laughed at what he said, 

"Wow Jake, you have a pretty creative imagination." Jake shrugged cutely, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, leaving me space to wrap my own around his waist. I then leant my head onto his shoulder as we walked out of the room; the gaggle of girls that were there had now disappeared and seemed to be well— gone. For which I was grateful that we could walk to class in peace. Jake leant down and kissed my cheek.

"I'm just going to get my book for class; I'll meet you at your locker okay?" I nodded as Jake pulled away from me and began walking towards his locker, which thankfully was just down the hall. I pulled up to my locker, where there were dozens of notes stuck on all over the place.

Some of them were nice like 'U and Jake are so perf 2gether' and 'if he hurts u I will hurt him. ', but there were others which read, 'Stay away from Riles, Freak!' and 'Faggy freak' I groaned and opened my locker, quickly grabbing my books and closing it again. I pulled out my phone and noticed there was only a minute until the start of class. Shit, I'm gonna have to go without Jake.

I then pulled out my earphones and plugged them into my phone and put them in before playing Saving Abel, Addicted as I walked to class. As I listened to the first few lines of the song, I tried not to blush as it made me think about Saturday morning. Well— we didn't have sex we just made out— a lot and almost went further than that.

I groaned shaking the thought from my head as I walked into class just as the bell rung, and went and sat in my usual seat, which sadly, was behind one of the girls who had a nose bleed outside of the classroom Jake and I was in, which meant the girl was staring intently at me.

"I'm Hannah," I looked back to the girl with a confused look on my face, 

"What?" the girl sighed and turned around to face me, 

"I'm Hannah; I think you and Jake together are really cute. It's a bit of a bummer that he used to bully you." I took the girl with her curly brown hair, held up in two piggy tails and barely reached her shoulders, while her face was covered by big black nerdy glasses, hiding her eyes. She didn't look too bad, 

"Well I'm Felix and I am pretty sure you already knew that." Hannah laughed and nodded, but as I looked into her eyes, I saw sadness and pain, something I was accustomed to seeing in the mirror. What happened to her? I bit my lip to hold in the question and moved on, 

"So what's with your obsession with Jake and Me?" Hannah shrugged, 

"It's not an obsession, I just find the two of you together really cute. There are some really mean people here, and I knew Jake truly wasn't a bad guy, so I guess I'm just glad that he won't bully us anymore." I looked at her confused, 

"What do you mean?" Hannah sighed and began her story, 

"So about three months ago, Jake had pretty much stopped bullying everyone. He was closed off and didn't come to school for a few days, then suddenly he was back, and almost back to normal, but he didn't hit anyone not even Mike, and he brings stuffed unicorns to school, and although those unicorns are pretty cool, bringing them is like signing a death sentence." I nodded and listened as she continued, 

"Then he just teased and called everyone names, he barely hung out with Trent and Dylan and he began talking to different people." I furrowed my brow and thought for a moment, 

"About three months ago is when Jake said he started to have feelings for me." Hannah gasped and grabbed my hand, 

"So you were the reason he stopped bullying us?" I nodded slowly, 

"Must be— what happened?" I asked and Hannah continued, 

"Well because he had stopped bullying us, everyone thought it was the right time to begin expressing ourselves. I left my group of 'friends' although there were only three of us, but then joined a new group. They're really cool and different, and I think you might enjoy them." I frowned and tried to think of a group like that but I just couldn't.

"What group do you hang out with?" Hannah laughed and was about to continue when the final bell rang and class began. Hannah turned around in her seat and began writing when a note was passed onto my lap, 

'I'll tell you the rest later, lover boy has gone home.' I frowned and looked up from the letter to see Jake wasn't in the classroom. Great— just great.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: 

Jake's P.O.V

I left Felix after we were caught by that group of girls; it reminded me I that I had things to do. I quickly ran into one of the girls that were watching Felix and I in the classroom before, I think her name was Havana? I don't know— I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her to me, causing her to gasp, 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She growled, mixed between anger and confusion. Don't worry, I'd act like that if someone treated me like this too. I sighed and let go of her, 

"Sorry, it is Havana isn't it?" The girl growled and crossed her arms over her chest and replied with an icy voice, 

"It's Hannah, not Havana. Now, what the hell do you want?" I sighed and looked around, 

"I need you to look after Felix, I have some things to do." The girl smiled and nodded, her attitude doing a complete one-eighty.

"Sure." My eyes widened and I gasped. I actually didn't think it would be this easy to get someone one Felix's side. 

"Are you for real?" Hannah nodded at me before turning and began walking away, but I stopped her. I wanted more secure answers, I couldn't simply trust her.

"Why are you helping me?" The girl— Hannah smiled again, 

"Because I knew in your heart that you aren't a bad guy and you and Felix together are cute." I blushed and covered my face with my hands as the girl turned around and walked away to class. Um— that was both weird and awesome as all hell, but now I have things I need to get done. I groaned throwing my head back, turning around and running down the hall to the front office. The person at the desk looked at me oddly before getting up and walking over to me. 

"What can I do you for you, young man?" I sighed and handed a note over. I so hope she falls for this. If I can get another obstacle out of the way, my life will be a million times easier, and this girl is the worst of the worst.

"Can you please call Ellen O'Donnell to here? I need to talk to her, and I am not able to talk to her at any time other than this." The woman frowned and her odd look at me growing. 

"What is this for? Is she your girlfriend?" I gagged and bent over actually trying not to vomit. Of course, I seem to like her boyfriend. I stood back up the feeling of vomiting gone for now, 

"Oh fuck no! That chick is fucking crazy and is crazy in love with my boyfriend." The woman gasped and smiled at me, holding up a finger as she walked over to the microphone that sets off the PA system. 

"Can Ellen O'Donnell please come to the front office, Ellen O'Donnell to the front office?" the woman smiled at me and walked back over to me, 

"So you're the boy that everyone is talking about. Jake Riles the boy in love with Felix Ferne but used to bully him. I know who you are now; I can't believe I didn't get that before? By gosh am I a bit stupid, I can't believe I couldn't remember who you were. Sorry, I'm Meg; I used to help Felix when you used to beat him up. I used to be a bit of a medic here." I nodded taking it in. 

"Yeah well, I don't bully people anymore. I was useless and mean three months ago, but Felix changed that." Meg nodded and was about to talk again when Ellen walked into the front office. I sighed and turned to face her, the smile she had on her face faded and turned into a scowl as she looked at me, 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I sighed and walked over to her, the urge to slap her growing. Now was not the time to fight her physically, we both know I'll win that one. No, this, right here right now. Was a battle of the wits, and I don't have any plans on backing down from this girl anytime soon! 

"Riles seriously don't be a dick and tell me why you pulled me from class?!" Ellen's voice rose as she asked her question and I frowned growling, 

"I want you to leave Felix alone. If you don't, I will call the cops on you." Ellen gasped at me as if I accused her of trashing the school and leaving it in such a mess, the cops would have to deal with it. 

"Well, I'll call the cops on you if you don't leave Felix alone." I scoffed, what the hell does this chick think she is? 

"On what terms?" I asked and this caused Ellen to smirk. Why does she think she had the upper hand? 

"Stalking and assault, I'll tell the cops how you followed us home every day and you would stand outside of Felix's house, and before we arrived at school the next day, you would beat him." I rolled my eyes. This was in the past, we know now that Felix would vouch for me, he always will since I will always be by his side. 

"Then what sort of friend would that make you for ditching him?" Ellen frowned and growled. The remark hitting her dead centre. 

"Just leave me and Felix alone. I had him first, you don't know how to care for him!" I scoffed. I am wasting every second of my life think about him, yet I can't come to think that it's an actual waste because those thoughts are about Felix. 

"Please, I get the feeling I know about the same amount about him as you do," Ellen smirked. She kept on thinking she has a one up on me, but she doesn't. I refuse to believe that she will. 

"Do you know about his scars?" I nodded and Ellen frowned. I know all too well about those scars since I helped to create a couple of them, although I shouldn't be proud of that. 

"You're going to have to do better than that," Ellen growled again and smirked, 

"His eating," I raised an eyebrow, 

"I think you mean lack of it." Ellen makes this annoyed, sad, pissed off face and stormed out of the room. Meg behind me laughed at Ellen's face as I stood there slouched with a smug grin on my face. Finally, now Felix and I can be together in peace. 

"That was bloody awesome kid! How did you know that would work?" I shrugged turning to face Meg. 

"I just guesstimated," As the word guesstimated left my mouth, Meg looked at me weirded out. 

"'Guesstamated'?" I nodded and smiled, 

"But of course." Meg rolled her eyes and turned to the bench in front of her, and began writing something. Oh god, I so hope it's not her number— that would just be awkward. 

"You're going to need this if you don't want a detention." I furrowed my brows and walked over to the bench to see a piece of paper being held out to me, 

"It's a late pass. Have a good day Jake." I smiled surprisingly, taking the paper from her hand and walking out of the front office happily. I guess everything is finally looking up of Felix and I. We can finally be together without having to worry about Ellen. I guess now we just have to worry about everyone else in this bloody town.

As I arrived at the classroom, I saw the girl from this morning sitting next to Felix. They were laughing together; well I guess everyone was having their own conversations since Bates wasn't in the room. I shrugged and walked in, causing the whole room to go quiet and turn to face me. I sighed and didn't care since they more than likely thought I was Bates, but when they all turned to Hannah and Felix I frowned. They all thought I was going to get pissed off. I frowned and walked over to the pair who was smiling. Felix's smile was bigger than Hannah's because I get the feeling if Hannah were to smile any bigger her glasses would fall off her face. 

"Hey Jake, Ellen fucked off part way through class and hasn't come back. She was a bit of a pest when we got here and the class started, but after she had to go to the office she didn't return we were fine. Then Bates left and you walked in pretty much right after, so no one fucked with us after that." I shrugged a smile on my face. Hannah then got up out of her seat and moved into the open one in front of it. 

"What are you moving for?" Hannah sighed and rolled her eyes, 

"Men— I'm letting you sit next to your boyfriend because I'm not a bitch trying to steal him from you, no matter how cute he is." Hannah's words caused my gothic boy to blush and bury his face in his arms on the table. I smiled and sat down in the seat next to him, pulling him upwards and into my arms where we then sat with my arms around his waist. 

Felix's hands were sitting comfortably on my hands, holding them slightly. Hannah awed at the sight of us, a smile on her face, 

"So I take it Felix is the Uke." Felix and I both froze— what in god's name is a Uke?! I turned to Felix who had a scared look on his face, 

"Um— Hannah why do you know what a Uke is?" Felix asked which then caused me to look at Felix oddly, 

"You make that seem like you know what a Uke is Felix," I muttered into his ear causing him to blush and try and pull away, but he wasn't going anywhere on my account. 

"Yeah Felix, I'm a fangirl so it's fine for me to know what a Uke is. But the fact that you know weirds me out." Felix sighed, his blush growing. 

"I just— I accidentally came across it when I was reading a book. It was a normal book, but the girl's best friend was gay and he was talking about it— I don't really know anything and I don't want to know anything! I only know what a Uke and Seme is because of that book! I swear to god!" I laughed lightly, scared about what a Uke and Seme is— I had never heard the words, and now I feel like I have to search them up. But at the same time, I don't want to because I don't want to know what the outcome will be. 

"I hope everyone behaved while I was gone. Sorry for having to leave," Bates had walked back into the classroom causing everyone to fall silent and turn to face the front, 

"Thank god," Muttered Felix causing me to lean forward to his ear, 

"What is it?" Felix blushed again, 

"That conversation was really fucking awkward, I'm just glad it's over." I nodded and smiled in agreement, 

"True that." I then turned to the front and listened for the next twenty minutes until class ended with the bell, and Bates saying something about biology tomorrow. 

I sighed and stood up slowly once nearly everyone in the room had left. There were only about four other people aside from Hannah, Felix, Bates and I. Hannah was babbling on about some anime she was watching the other night, while Felix was just standing there, 

"Are you okay?" I asked not wanting Felix to be upset about anything. Felix looked up to me and nodded, 

"Yeah— sorry I just wasn't thinking." I scoffed joking and nudged him pulling him close for a quick peck, 

"That's fine. Just one day you'll have to tell me what you're thinking about so I can think about it too." Felix laughed and pushed me, 

"I may love you, but you are not going to pick at my brain for an answer as to what I want or how I work." I shrugged and smirked, 

"I never said anything about that— I guess I know what you were thinking about now," Felix growled and punched me lightly in the chest as we started to walk out of the room. Hannah then turned to talk to us, 

"I'm going to go hang out with my friends, I'll see you later yeah?" Both Felix and I nodded as Hannah ran off. I turned to Felix a smile on my face, 

"Where do you want to go?" Felix shrugged, 

"I don't really have a place in mind, all I want is to be alone with you." I blushed and smiled at him. I don't know who blushes more, me or Felix. 

"How about the back of the school, no one really hangs out back there." Felix smiled and nodded, 

"Yeah sounds good." I smiled at him as we began on our way to the back of the school. Maybe this will be the perfect time to tell him something important. I've never told anyone, except for Dad, but I don't think he was listening— that and he was probably too drunk to remember, or too entranced with his footy game.

I knew everything bad about Felix; well I think I do, so he should know the bad stuff about me. I know I can trust him, I love him and he loves me so it should be easy to tell him— or is it the other way around. It's easier to tell a stranger your problems than someone you love— but I always hated therapy so I guess it doesn't matter. Unless, if you can't talk to a stranger about your issues, then talk to someone you love and trust who you know won't judge you because they have problems of their own.

I smiled and saw that Felix and I were nearing the back of the school, surrounded by no one. My smiled grew but it faded slightly as a couple of words fell out of my mouth, 

"Felix, when we get to the back of the school, I have something I need to tell you. Is that okay?" Felix frowned at me and nodded his pace speeding up slightly. I get the feeling he wants to know what I have to say. 

"Yeah, that's fine. Is everything okay?" I nodded but the frown remained on my face, 

"Everything's fine right now. That's all the matters." When I said that, I was more talking about my mental state— but Felix doesn't know about that yet. We then turned the corner so the two of us were hidden behind the school. Finally, I can have some alone time with him. No fangirls, no crazy girls, no bullies, just us. 

"What was it you wanted to tell me?" I sighed and pulled Felix away from me slightly. How was I going to do this? The only person who knows is basically Mum. Shit— this is going to be really hard. 

"Felix— you know how you have your anorexia and kinda anxiety?" Felix nodded slowly, fear building in his eyes. Did he think I was going to break up with him?! I gasped and pulled him into a hug. 

"It's not anything like that Felix, it's about me." I kissed the top of his head hard and then rested my cheek on his head. 

Felix's P.O.V

What is going on with Jake? I'm so scared right now; he brought up my stuff and it made me think he was going to break up with me for it. I knew it was going to happen eventually but I had just hoped that day wouldn't come so soon. 

"Felix— I don't know how to say this, but I have d—" He was then cut off as Mike ran through behind, obviously running from Trent and Dylan. Are they seriously still terrorising him? I turned back to Jake, who had a look of anger on his face, 

"Sorry, what were you going to tell me?" I sighed and looked around again, hoping to not get interrupted but that wasn't going to happen since Sam suddenly came bounding around the corner at a fast pace screaming out Jake's name. Jake growled and sighed pulling away from me slightly. 

"What the hell is going on Sam?" asked Jake, venom laced in his voice. Wow— obviously what he wants to tell me is important. 

"I need help." I looked at Sam confused, 

"What do you need help with?" Right now I just wanted Sam gone so Jake can tell me what's wrong. Sam sighed and leant over a bit, 

"I kinda invited Andy to help me study at my place, alone, tonight with no one home— what the hell did I do!" I jumped at Sam's outburst. He actually thought he would get somewhere with that nerd by inviting him for a study date. I sighed and rubbed my temples a headache forming. 

"Okay Sam, don't worry about anything I will handle it. Now, will you please fuck off, Jake and I have something we need to talk about." Sam calmed down and nodded at me, 

"Sorry guys, I'll leave now." Jake nodded his hands in fists as Sam walked off and away from behind the school. Jake then turned back to me and relaxed, a smile crossing his face. I returned the smile, 

"What was it you wanted to tell me?" Jake sighed, the smile leaving his face slightly. 

"It's not— I um— I used to— no— I have depression." I gasped and grabbed his hands, 

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I growled annoyed that he kept something so big from me. Jake sighed and pulled me into a hug. 

"I didn't want you to hate me for not telling you. But then I knew if I didn't tell you anytime soon you were going to be even madder at me for keeping it from you for so long." I sighed and returned the hug tightly. This information— it's hard to process, shit I didn't know Jake had it this bad.

I pulled away from Jake's body and leant up pulling him down pressing my lips to his. Jake returned the kiss immediately pushing harder. I smirked and walked backwards so I was against the wall. Now, this is what I like about us, no matter what we still kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

Felix's P.O.V

As the school day ended Jake and I had come up with a plan to help Sam out with Andy. Andy was dork so he was more than likely going to help Sam out with his work since Sam has the IQ of a potato. Jake and I had a great plan— just Sam doesn't know about it— yet. Oh well, I guess he'll find out when we show up at his place.

Jake and I were at my locker getting books that we will need for 'studying'. So I grabbed my biology and English textbooks, shoving them in my bag. I closed my locker staring at it and pulling off the mean messages and shoving them into the bin a bit away from my locker and Jake and I started on our way to Sam, who said he would be waiting out front of the school for us to tell him what to do, that and he was waiting for Andy— and we wouldn't be telling him so much as what to do as much as going to his house with him and help him out.

"How mad do you think Sam is going to be after this?" I asked Jake and he shrugged, one of his hands gripping mine lightly.

"Pretty mad since we are crashing what he thinks is a date. But do you really think that it will happen if we do what you say?" I nodded. It had too, it works in books.

Jake and I had walked out of the school building and over to the front gate where Sam was standing, his bag on his back, a scared look on his face. If this wasn't so important for him, I'd laugh. But right now— I was Sam's friend, and I needed to help him. Sam's face brightened when he saw me and Jake heading towards him and he ran over to us.

"Have you got a plan?" He was looking from Jake and me to see who was going to tell him what to do. I couldn't hold it in any longer,

"Sorry Sam, but we are crashing your 'date'." Sam froze as the words left my mouth. Damn it— "Maybe I shouldn't have said it like that," Jake sighed,

"You think?" He replied to me and used his spare hand to place on Sam's shoulder, "We aren't crashing your date, but Felix has a plan and we need to be there to put it into motion," Sam unfroze and nodded and a weak smile on his face. Man, it is weird seeing Sam without a smile on his face. This must really mean a lot to him.

"Basically, we are all going to your house to study, Jake and I will be at your desk or something if you have one, while you and Andy will be on your bed, studying. Then Jake and I will get up and go get a drink. You will have five minutes, okay? In that time you need to kiss him then continue to study. If he freaks out and leaves, then we'll have to try again. If he kisses back then leaves, then fucking run after him. Got it?" Sam frowns but then smiles and nods,

"Sounds perfect!" I smiled at him and Jake and Jake leans down and kisses me on the cheek lightly, I blushed at the notion, yet accepted it with pride anyway. I knew that people seeing Jake and I be in a relationship was kind of weird, but at the same time, I felt like I was showing off.

I felt like I was silently screaming 'He is mine! Back the fuck off!'. Yet a single word wasn't leaving my mouth. Deep down I knew that Jake was would never leave my side for anyone else, yet the paranoia was always there, always nagging in the back of my mind, scaring me at the thought of Jake leaving me in the state I was now.

"Why are you so perfect?" I shrugged, playing off the blush that decorated my cheeks as much as humanly possible before I died of embarrassment. That was something else about Jake, he brought everything out of me like it was breathing to him.

Saying things to him felt natural, and I felt like no matter what I said, he wouldn't run away, he would just always be by my side and will love me until we're both old and dying, decaying away with the rest of this miserable world.

"It's natural." Jake and Sam laughed at my words. Sam then froze and was staring behind us, at whom I assumed would be Andy. Jake and I turned around to see Andy, holding an armada of books in his arms. Wow, I guess he really was a dork.

"Hey Andy, is it okay if Jake and Felix come study with us?" Andy looked at Jake and mine connected hands before blushing and nodding,

"Yeah, it's fine. I don't have much time, though, I need to help out at the restaurant at five." It was only three thirty now— why is he freaking out? Does he really care about working in the restaurant that much or does he just want to get away from the group of us as quickly as he could? Sam nodded happily, not even considering Andy hating him as a factor in his want to hurry.

"That's fine. Come on, we better get going then." Wow— he must really like Andy. Is that what Jake and I are like? No way— we're more normal than that! Right—? My mind stumbled around, trying to grasp the situation, while also thinking about what Jake and I look like to the outside world.

Do we just stare at each other, smitten looks in our eyes, or is that just something that Sam has a knack for doing when looking at something he was into? I sighed as the four of us set on our way to Sam's house where this plan was going into action. Honestly, I had no clue if this plan was going to work, but I knew that Sam was the only one giving out smitten looks to someone when they weren't looking. This was a level playing field, and hopefully, no one was going to get hurt.

After a few streets, Sam and Andy were walking ahead of us and Jake curled his arm around my waist, instead of holding my hand. My right hand sat on top of the hand that he curled around me, and I interlaced our fingers, sighing at the feeling of our skin touching.

As time wore on, I was still questioning what Jake and I looked like to the outside world, but there was only one thing I cared about, and that was that we looked like a couple. If we didn't look like a couple, would that be a good or bad thing? Some people don't react nicely to different things and people.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" I jumped as Jake's voice penetrated the silence and I turned to face him for a moment. His gaze was on the pair in front of us. I turned to look at Sam and Andy, before nodding stiffly.

"Positive. This has to." Jake nodded too, holding me closer. I sighed and nuzzled my head into his neck. As much as I am accustomed to not giving a fuck, I really want this to work out for the two.

Andy was a shy guy, and probably doesn't know what it's like to be in a relationship, and Sam was like a big, awkward bear, that doesn't know how to react around people he truly cares for, so he becomes a big dork, one that can battle that of Andy's dorkiness.

Sam's P.O.V

Do I look okay? Will Andy notice? Will he just be doing homework or will he not care if I try something else? What will we talk about? Why am I so scared? Oh yeah, because I invited the guy I like to my house to do 'homework' but I'm an idiot. How much will he have to help me with? What's Felix's plan? Is he actually going to help me?

"Are you okay?" I jumped and turned to look at Andy, my normal bright smile on my face. The questions that were running through my head disappeared at the sound of Andy's voice and I focused everything on him.

"Of course Dude, everything's fine. I'm just thinking." Andy nodded to me, a confused but relatively normal look on his face. Oh god, I am praying so hard that I don't weird him out right now. I just— the emotions inside of me that are directed at this boy are so fucking strong, I just don't want to ruin anything or everything for that matter.

"Well you better not think too hard, you look like you're about ready to die." My heart leapt into my throat, but I knew better than to know that he cared about me, he just didn't want someone to die while he was around— I think.

"Sorry, I'm just worried about some stuff." Andy nodded and stopped walking so I did the same. Oh god, did I just say the wrong thing? Does he think I don't actually want him around? Is it a bad thing that I said that? What can be a good excuse to use if he—

"Do you want me to leave? If you need to invite your girlfriend over or something to help you feel better I don't mind not doing this." I shook my head as soon as the words came out of his mouth. The fact that Andy didn't know I was no longer with Mia annoyed me. I wished that he knew that I was single so that he could make a move on me!

Wait, did I really just think that? Do I want Andy to make a move on me? No, not right now, that was my job. If he does that, it will throw the entire plan out of whack, and I don't think I would be able to handle that right now.

"I don't have a girlfriend, but I like someone!" Before I could stop myself, those words left my mouth and now I knew that Andy knew that I didn't have a girlfriend. And there goes all my coolness. I sighed and relaxed as Andy looked at me confused, a light blush on his face.

"What? I thought you had a girlfriend." I shook my head at him. I guess some nerd like him wouldn't hear much through the grapevine when his nose was too deep in his books to actually hear anything.

"Nope broke up with Mia days ago." Andy frowned and looked at the ground, the blush on his face deepening at the fact that he was asking me something like that. I guess he was a little awkward about relationships. Is that going to make things harder tonight?

"How long have you liked the girl you like?" I winced when he said 'girl', but I don't think he noticed, and if he did, I don't think he cared. How long have I liked him? Thoughts flooded my head and I suddenly became overwhelmed with them all.

"Give me a minute, I need to think." I turned to face Felix and Jake who were walking a few houses away from me and Andy which I was grateful for. Felix was being held in Jake's arms and Jake made sure that Felix wasn't too far away from him.

While Felix was looking at the ground, Jake was only staring at Felix. It was because of those two that I had the courage to leave Mia and go after Andy. The length of time I stopped myself from leaving Mia was a couple of weeks so—

"Do you not know?" I turned back to Andy and continued walking, he walking with me too. I was glad that we were able to keep pace. With Mia, she always made me slow down to walk with her, and I didn't have the energy for that.

"I do, I just had to think about it for a minute. I guess I've liked them for about two, maybe three months." Andy nodded at me, before setting his gaze in front of us.

"I don't understand relationships. I mean, I'll have to get into one when I enter University or finish University, either one. But once I start my life and career I'll need to start settling down." I nodded taking in what he was saying. Everything that he or I said, just felt like it was making things a million times harder.

"Medical or Law right?" Andy's face flushed and so did mine. I bet he must be wondering how I know that, and to be honest, it was because I went to his family's restaurant one time, and his Grandmother does not know how to shut up. But right now, I was grateful. I wanted to know these things about Andy, I don't care how stupid or irrelevant something is about him, I want to know it.

"Yeah, right." Things were kinda awkward now— great, that is exactly what I wanted to do— not.

"So— where do you plan on going for that?" Andy shrugged. I guess he really doesn't have his entire life planned out.

"I don't really know yet. I don't really want to leave the state, but if I want to go to Harvard or something similar, but that means I need to leave." I nodded as I listened. Wow, he really doesn't want to leave if he is thinking about turning down Harvard.

We finally arrived at my house, and the nerves which I thought were bad, just got that much worse. What the hell is Felix planning? He is talking, but he isn't even looking at Jake. Does Jake even know what's going on? From the look on his face, I can't even tell because he just looks doe-eyed because of the boy that was holding his hand whilst being wrapping in his arms.

Oh my god. I swear, if all of this going to shit, I need to decide who to kill. Will I kill Felix first so that I can fight with Jake, or do I kill Jake first, and be cruel to Felix for a while before killing him. I cannot have today fuck up. If I can't get Andy to go out with me than literally everything I have done up until today will be for nothing.

"Sam, are you okay?" I turned to face the cute nerdy boy next to me.

"What— yeah, sorry. Everything's fine, looks like we're here." We had finally arrived at my place, and it was time to put Felix's plan into action. "We'll all go chill my room, 'kay Dudes?" They all nodded and we walked into the house, which was empty. Mum and Dad were at work while Vince was hanging out with friends and Pete was too.

I guided everyone to my room. Felix instantly took my couch which I had. Jake accompanied him on it, leaving only my bed for me and Andy. My face flushed and I turned away from Andy to pull my books out so my face could go down.

Once everything had relaxed and we were sitting on the bed. Felix and Jake spent most of the time just staring at each other's faces and it made me want to be sick, just fucking rub it in why don't you?

"Hey Andy, how do I answer this?" Andy leant over to look at the question before giving me a weird look. My eyes widened,

"— We uh— we went over it before. Just do the same thing as two questions ago." I nodded and made a face when a noise came over from the couch. I turned to see Felix getting up and pulling Jake with him.

"Hey Sam, is it okay if we go get a drink?" I nodded at them. This was it; this was the plan. So if he kisses me back and runs away, run after him. If he freaks out, leave him be. I sighed,

"Yeah, the kitchen is to your right and then left." The two of them nodded and walked out, closing the door behind them. Now, this was it. But how do I go about doing it? Do I get his attention first? Or do I just go straight for the kiss, not letting him having any time to react?

The more time I spent thinking, the more time I was losing. Felix and Jake can't spend forever getting a drink, but if they come back and I haven't kissed Andy, then this was all for nothing—

"Hey, Andy—" Andy's head turned to me and I launched over the bed, smashing my lips onto his. Andy's eyes widened and I froze, moving my lips slightly. Andy's returned the movement and I smiled. I quickly pulled away to look at his face, which was one of shock.

"Did you just—?" I nodded at him. Andy sat on my bed, frozen, but thinking. "Why?" I frowned,

"Because I like you." Andy nodded taking in the information. His face flushed a bright red and I looked down, my own face copying the colour. This was it— I was going to die.

"What does this make— us?" My head lashed to face Andy,

"Wait, you don't— you know, hate me?" Andy shook his head.

"No, I don't. To be honest, I've been crushing on you for a while now. Dorky of me right?" my face flushed even more and a giant smile grew on my face.

"I never thought that you would already like me." Andy flushed red.

"Well— isn't this a bit weird—" we both laughed awkwardly. If this is what is happening, then I need to fix it.

"Go out with me." I blurted the words shocking Andy who actually nodded straight away. I don't even know if he realised he did, but a look of joy came onto his face and we both smiled. "I'm sorry," I muttered and Andy looked at me weird,

"What fo..." I cut him off by grabbing a hold of his body and pulling it onto me, laying us both down. I brought Andy's lips to mine and I smiled. I don't think I can get any happier than this. My phone suddenly buzzed and I sighed, pulling it out of my pocket. A new text? From— unknown. I sighed and opened it up, reading it.

'Kinda saw it was all g jake and i left u 2 it. be safe!'

I laughed and slid my phone back into my pocket, returning to kissing Andy, who was redder than ever, which made me laugh more. Yep, I can't get any happier than this!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: 

Felix's P.O.V

I was smiling. My plan worked. Sam and Andy were together. For once, something I did went right! There was no way that this day could get any worse unless we ran into crazy Ellen and she ruined our day. 

"Felix, I feel like you are smiling too much. Is everything okay?" I pulled away and Jake and was walking fast, a smile on my face. 

"I feel amazing! Jake, something I did worked! For once in my life, something went right!" Jake smiled weakly. 

"Felix, I'm glad you're happy about this. But honestly, should you be this happy about it?" I rolled my eyes and walked back over to Jake, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. 

"Jake, you don't understand. Everything I have ever done has always ended up badly. This is the first thing that I have ever done that has finished with a good ending. It helped that Andy already liked Sam, but even though feelings were already there, it means that everything just had to go well." Jake sighed and looked into my eyes. His eyes were sad. I frowned and pulled away from him, walking ahead. 

"Felix—" I ignored him and began running. I wanted to get home and get to my room. The sooner I get away from Jake the sooner I can calm down. I don't want to be in this agitated mood because of Jake. 

If he doesn't believe that everything in my life goes wrong then he's wrong. Everything does go wrong. For fuck sake, even Jake and I right now are going wrong! Why can't he at least let me be happy about helping two people get together because one liked the other and secretly, the other liked the first one? 

When I arrived home, I slammed open the front door to find Mum running around the lounge, panicked. Oh god— Oscar! Something must have happened. Where's Dad? Where's Oscar? Mum is never this panicked unless Oscar is involved. 

"Mum— where the hell is Oscar?" Mum froze for a moment, noticing that I was there, before returning to what she was doing. 

"Grab a bag and pack an outfit. Grab whatever you might need." I frowned and walked up to Mum, who had her back to me as she was gathering things and shoving them in a bag. This wasn't good. Mum is normally frantic about Oscar, but if she is saying that I need to pack a bag, then something has gone infinitely wrong, yet why isn't she telling me anything! I need to know! 

"Mum— what the hell is going on?" A strangled sound came from Mum and she stopped what she was doing, and stood up and turned to face me, tears running down her eyes— no. This can't be happening. "Mum—" I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms. She hugged me instantly. 

"It's Oscar— he passed out in his chair at lunch. He was— was fine— then he— he started feeling— feeling dizzy. And he then— he passed—" Mum stopped talking when she tried to say the words again. I frowned and held her tightly. My stomach churned as the recollection of everything that was happening right now, washed down upon me. 

"Mum— go sit on the couch." Mum nodded dully and I moved her to the couch, sitting her on it before moving over to the bag Mum was packing before finishing to pack it. This wasn't good. This had happened once before. 

It was long before Oscar was in the chair. He was still up and walking and everything was normal. We were chilling in the backyard, screwing around with each other, once we stopped, Oscar's body shut down, and he fainted. 

He was in the hospital for a week, and no one could figure out what was wrong with him. We even had the results sent out of Australia just to figure it out, but no one could come up with an answer. 

But Oscar now— now that he was constantly sick because his immune system was trying so hard to fight against the damage his spinal cord took, he can't look after the rest of the sickness he would get, but now— now that this is happening again. Who knows what's going to happen. 

"Felix, what's going on?" I heard Jake ask from a few steps away and I frowned. How am I going to explain this to him? I'm barely controlling my own emotions right now, I can't lose it in front of Mum. I refuse to allow myself to do that. 

"Many things Jake. But right now, can you please comfort my Mum? She needs it right now." Swiftly, I saw a figure in the corner of my eye move from one side of the room to the other and I knew that this was Jake. 

Once the bag in front of me was full of things to the hospital, I ran and grabbed another bag, filling it up with things that will make Oscar feel better when he wake up. Some of his favourite figurines, some comics and his favourite pillow. I walked out of Oscar's room to see Mum crying into Jake's shoulder. Shit, I need to hurry up. I knew I didn't have time to waste, but I felt like I was wasting too much of it, and I felt horrible. I didn't want to keep my away from Oscar more than I had to, but I was wondering why she was here in the first place and not Dad. 

I quickly ducked out the back door and ran to my room grabbing another bag and shoving my things inside of it. If I don't act quickly, then I get the feeling the Mum will get mad, but with the state that she's in right now, anything feels like forever. 

To be honest, I don't even know what I grabbed. I'm not sure if there was even any point in me grabbing anything, knowing me, I wouldn't even bother to get changed, I'd just stay in the same clothes until we came home again, but at this point, I don't know how long that will be. 

Mum was a constant worry machine. She was never, not worrying. Whether it was me and Oscar being too rough before the accident, or Oscar being sick afterwards, or me skipping meals and everyone realised, or her garden overgrowing with weeds everywhere. No matter how little, she was always panicking. It made things better sometimes, knowing that she could still function like a normal human being although I couldn't. 

I ran back into the house, bags hanging off of me. Mum was still sitting on the couch, being comforted by Jake. Thank god he was here, I don't think I'd be able to do this without him. He was amazing, but why did it have to take so much pain for the both of us to realise this? 

"Are you two good to go?" Jake looked to my Mum who nodded slightly. She can't drive, not in this state, but I'm not too good either. Can Jake—? 

"I can drive us." I smiled at him and nodded. I quickly grabbed the keys from the bench and made my way to the car, loading all of the bags and myself into the back. I watched as Jake walked Mum out and into the passenger seat of the car, then walking to the driver's side. 

"Here's the keys." I quickly passed the keys over the car seat and Jake's shoulder into his hand. I wanted to hold onto his hand, but now was not the time for that. I don't even know where we're going to. 

"Where are we going?" I looked to Mum, who had composed herself a bit when she finally realised that she wasn't alone or with Dad. She stared out the window as she answered in a dull, yet worried voice. 

"The next town over. The hospital there is bigger and they have more tech that should be able to help Oskie." Jake nodded and started up the car. The next town over was a thirty-minute drive. How did Mum get back here? 

"Mum?" Mum turned around in her seat to look at me. Her eyes were lightly glazed over, and she looked like she hasn't slept in days. She looked a lot like me. 

"What is it, Felix?" She looked tired. How bad has Oscar been getting the last few weeks? Mum looks like she hasn't slept at all. This was worrying me. I could barely function like a normal human being, so how could she? 

"How did you get back to Bremin if you were in the next town over?" Mum sighed as she turned away from me to look back out the window. 

"Your father travelled with Oscar to the hospital so that I could come and get you?" I frowned. Why didn't she just have Dad come and get me, he's better at keeping it together? She suddenly turned her gaze back to me, shocking me slightly as my body sat in-between the two front seats, I couldn't care for a seat belt right now. 

"Why? You could have gone with Oscar and just sent Dad." Mum sighed and turned away from me as if she were ashamed of something. "Mum?" Mum sighed deeply before she finally responded. 

"I wanted to come and collect you, because I've spend all these years, blaming you for something that wasn't your fault. I spent all these years thinking about how my son will never get better and I never ever spent any time thinking about the son I pushed so far away he resorted to hurting himself just to feel better." My body froze. I was well— I was shocked. I never thought that I would hear that out of Mum. I never thought she knew about— well, the harm. 

Endless thoughts of all those times I hurt myself, just so that I could keep on feeling like a human being, even though I could barely sit down. I could never look my family in the eye and say that everything was alright. I could never even think of the effect that would have on the others if they were to find out. 

Yet here I was, my all-knowing mother, knowing everything that I've done to make myself feel like a piece of crap, yet like a human all at the same time. Why didn't I even consider her still loving me? 

"Mum—" I trailed off, speechless. I never knew hearing those few words from Mum would turn my life upside down and make me feel so much better. Even though this feeling might only last a day, it was amazing to feel like a normal human being again. It was amazing to feel like a son and not a burden. 

"Felix— are you okay?" I forced my eyes to blink and I turned my head to Jake, who was driving carefully through the quiet streets of Bremin. 

"Um—" Tears were filling my eyes but I nodded anyway. "Yeah, I'm fine." One of Jake's hands dropped from the steering wheel and grabbed a hold of one of mine, holding it tightly. I bit my lip squeezing his hand tightly. This was going to be a long ride. 

And I was right. It was the longer half hour of my life. I don't know what made the trip long through? I guess never travelling in a car unless it's for something like this which rarely happens makes car rides seem pretty weird. I guess I just got used to walking everywhere. 

"Felix?" I turned my head to Mum who had muttered my name quietly. 

"Yeah, Mum?" I responded but got no response in return. I frowned and leant forwards to try and look at her face. "Mum?" I got no response again. 

"Felix, she's asleep." Oh— that would make a lot of sense. I guess when someone loses too much sleep, they can start sleep talking. I was fine with it, I was just wondering what she could possibly be saying my name for. I nodded and rolled back into the seat when I saw that Jake was pulling over. I frowned. 

"Jake— what are you doing?" Jake shrugged. 

"We need to stop for a sec, get out." I furrowed my brows but nodded, climbing out of the back, closing the door lightly. I turned to Jake who was moving towards me. His arms wrapped around my waist holding me in a tight hug. My body froze and before I knew it, I was a puddle of tears in his arms. 

"Shh, it's okay Felix. Everything will be fine." My throat began closing as I nodded. I knew he was right, but the fear was consuming me. What was going to happen? Was this my fault? Is there something else at play? Why am I even crying? 

"I d-don't e-even kn-ow wh-y thi-ss is h-happ-en-ing." My words were coming out in choked sobs. I could barely breathe I was freaking out so much. I think things would be much worse if Jake wasn't holding me together right now. I think I would be falling apart, ready to end it all. 

"Felix, Baby, please calm down. Everything will be fine." I believed Jake's words, but that didn't and couldn't change how I was now. Today, I thought I had finally done something good enough to reverse this karma that's on my ass, yet now this happens?! How can I calm down?! 

"I d-don't u-under-sta-nd a-any-thing." Jake's voice washed over me, dripping in love, calming me. 

"Felix. There is only one thing you need to understand, and that is sometimes there isn't anything to understand. Sometimes it takes a little push for someone to realise this." Jake was right, and I knew it. I pulled my head from his chest and looked up to him. 

"Jake—" I trailed off. Wow— I never truly realised how beautiful he was. I say this so often, but the more I look at him, he just gets more beautiful each and every time. This is the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I really do. I want him to stay by my side forever and I want him to be mine and only mine. 

"Felix?" Jake was trying to get my attention. That was cute. He was cute. His nose was slightly scrunched up and he was staring at me oddly, a powerful look of confusion on his face. I smiled and laughed as the tears slowly began stopping themselves from escaping my eyes. 

"I love you, Jake. I love you so much, that I can't see my life without you anymore." Jake froze, tears beginning to fill his eyes. "I still think that sometimes you are playing a prank on me, yet I know, deep down, that the emotions we share are real, and they are never going away, and you are never going away from me." 

"Felix—" Jake's tears began falling and my smile grew, my hands reaching up and wiping the tears from his face. Jake's moved his face into my hands. "Your hands are really soft." I laughed and looked up to him. Although he was just crying, a happy glint was in his eye and it made me so happy. He truly did love me, and there was no way he would ever leave me. 

"Jake, please don't ever leave me." Jake nodded, his hands reaching up and grabbing mine, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled, his arms leaving mine as they wrapped around my stomach. 

"I won't. I swear on every living thing that I will never leave your side and I will love you forever." I smiled and tears began falling freely from my eyes again. How can I be so happy even though I was going to a place that was horrible and sad? 

I pulled Jake's face to mine and kissed him with all my might. This was like the final boss in one of Oscar's video games. My fear and anxiety were the final boss, and I had to beat it to prove to myself that I can be happy. I will prove it, and I will win, and I will be happy. I don't care about anyone else, just as long as Jake is by my side and I love him for all of eternity and he loves me even longer. 

Jake's lips moved against mine softly, ensnaring me in the most wondrous of traps, a trap of love. I wrapped my arms around Jake's neck pulling him even closer as we pushed up against the car. I don't mind staying here forever. Jake's was my life and love, anything without him was dull, like an old black and white film. But every time we touch, I feel like I'm being dragged into Alice in Wonderland and I'm experiencing a new world. This was one feeling I refuse to get rid of.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: 

Felix's P.O.V

We kissed for a while. We wanted to put off going to the hospital while Mum was asleep. If we got to the hospital now, Mum would be awake and she wouldn't sleep for ages, this was the only chance we were going to get to have her sleep. Of course, I was worried about Oscar, but I had Jake dulling that fear right now. 

I was sitting on the boot of the car, my legs wrapped around Jake as he kissed me. His arms were around my waist, on sneaking under my shirt touching my skin every so often. My arms were wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly to me, slipping into his knotty hair every so often. 

"Felix?" Jake was saying my name. I hummed against his lips, causing him to groan. "Shouldn't we be going?" I shrugged. Honestly, I just want Mum to sleep and to stay here and snog Jake. 

"Maybe. How long have we been here?" Jake shrugged as we broke this kiss, both of us out of breath. As I panted Jake pulled out his phone. 

"We've been here for about fifteen minutes." I sighed. That isn't nearly enough sleep for Mum, but these days does she ever sleep. 

"Yeah, we better go. But we won't wake Mum up until we find a park okay? She needs as much sleep as she can get." Jake nodded, understanding what I meant. His Mum, Sarah worked all the time, and she barely slept, so Jake knows what that feels like, having a sick, sleep deprived mother. 

We sighed as I untangled my legs from Jake, jumping off of the boot of the car. I smiled up at him, which was funny considering we only have an inches difference. I wrapped my arms around his neck again pulling him in for a kiss, 

"I'd like to go further with you one day." Jake froze at my words. 

"Are you serious?" I nodded. I can't believe I just said them, but I am serious. One day, I would love to do more than just kissing with Jake. I mean, I love him after all. Jake had a smile that was so bright it would make the sun blush and cower away in defeat. I smiled brightly back at him, 

"Of course I would be serious. Would I ever lie to you?" Jake shook his head, his attitude matching that of a happy, hyped up puppy. "I love you." Wait, what? Oh god, have I ever said that to him? I don't know if I've ever told Jake I love you. Our time together flew past my eyes and nothing, I don't see anything that resembles me saying I love you to Jake. This must be a shock for him. 

"I— oh god— I love you too Felix. You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say that. Oh holy shit Felix, I love you so, so much! I love you to the point where I want to marry you and lock you away just so that no one else will ever see you and I will have you all to myself. I love you so much!" My face flushed so red, that I put beetroot to shame. I bit my lip and looked away from Jake, 

"Just get in the car. We need to get Mum to the hospital." Jake frowned and nodded. I can't respond to something like that just off of the top of my head! I need some time— yeah, time to get this party in my pants down. Who knew that an ultimate love confession would get me so hard? 

I climbed into the back seat of the car and Jake climbed back into the driver's seat. I made sure that I was in the seat behind him as I leant forwards and slid my arms around his lower waist, circling near his— well, guy parts. 

"Felix?" I sighed, 

"Just drive, we need to drop Mum off, check on Oscar, then head home. Stay calm." Jake nodded and I watched his face in the mirror and I wanted to laugh. He looked so cute and confused. His blue eyes shone and skin had turned red. 

Jake pressed down on the accelerator and we sped off to the hospital, which was now only five minutes away, hopefully, I'll have calmed down by then. I relaxed into the back of my seat and closed my eyes. 

"We're here." My eyes shot open and my body bolted up. 

"Huh?!" Jake laughed and turned around in his seat. 

"Have a nice sleep?" I shrugged and got out of the car, loading all of the bags onto my back. 

"I guess. I didn't even realise that I slept." Jake laughed lightly, climbing out of the car. He gently closed the door and looked at me, 

"Do you really want to wake her?" I looked at Mum through my open door and I shook my head. Of course, I don't want her to wake up, but she needs to see her son. She needs to see Oscar and make sure that he's okay. 

"We have to, Jake. She needs to see Oscar." Jake frowned but nodded, understanding where I was coming from. 

"Let me carry the bags in. I'll meet you inside, and you can bring Kathy." I turned to Jake and nodded. I unloaded the bags off of my back and put my bag back into the car, leaving the rest with Jake. I then made my way over to Mum's door. "You okay?" I shrugged, 

"Possibly. Probably not, though." Jake sighed and walked over to me, holding onto my hips, 

"I love you, so don't be sad. Okay?" I smiled and nodded, turning around to place my lips onto Jake's for a sweet kiss. 

"Go! I'll meet you inside." Jake smiled and nodded as he turned away from me and headed on inside the hospital. He won't be able to see Oscar, but he will be able to give Dad the bags. 

Now, there was Mum. She was still sleeping peacefully, and it almost hurt my heart to disturb her. After the accident, she was always either crying or mad, unless of course, she was gardening, then that was the only time I saw any other emotion on her face other than the first two. 

I pulled open the door and looked inside. She didn't look tired, but if she were to open her eyes right now, tired would be all you can see, and not just because she was just asleep. It would be years of work and lack of sleep caring for Oscar kind of tired. 

"Mum?" I moved and placed my hand on her shoulder, causing her body to jolt and she woke. 

"Felix—? What's going on?" I frowned, she was a bit frazzled. 

"We're at the hospital. Can you get up?" Mum's eyes widened as if realising the situation for the first time, but she kept a slow pace, not wanting to freak out again. 

"Yeah, Felix. Thank you." I smiled at her and helped her out of the car. 

"Where are all the bags?" I watched as she went to go get my bag out of the backseat, but I stopped her. 

"Jake took them all inside." Mum frowned, 

"What about that one?" I sighed, this was going to fun to explain. How am I going to tell Mum that I am not staying here because I want to go home and do things with my boyfriend who I want to spend the rest of my life with and never see another human being ever again? 

"That's mine. I packed it thinking I was going to stay here with you guys, but now that I have Jake. I can have him support me from home, making stay arrangements easier for you and Dad." That— was perfect. A plus lying skills Felix! Mum nodded, taking in what I had just said. 

"Okay, but you are to get a taxi home. I know that Jake does not have his licence and I know that you and he will not be taking the car back. You will take a taxi, I will pay, but the two of you need to stay together at all times, and you will need to constantly update me that everything is fine. I do not want to be worrying too much about both of my children at the same time, I might have a heart attack." I laughed lightly but nodded, pulling Mum in for a tight hug. 

"Don't worry Mum, we'll be fine. I just want to go in and check on Oscar first." Mum nodded and I quickly grabbed my bag out of the backseat of the car, slinging it on my shoulder. 

Once we were ready and the car was locked, we quickly ran into the hospital where we saw Jake standing, now free of bags, not too far down the hallway. We quickly walked over to him and he smiled. 

"Oscar is stable, and he should be waking up soon. They are going to want to run more tests, and this time they are going to go deeper. They aren't sure if his immune system can keep up since it is always trying to heal his back, so it's been weakened over the years. The extra tests are just to be safe. There is nothing to worry about, okay Kathy?" Mum nodded as tears came to her eyes. 

"Where is he?" Jake smiled weakly at her, 

"Second floor, west side. You'll see Ken as he can't go in yet. It should be fine by the time you get there." Mum nodded again and started on her way to the elevator. "Do you want to see Oscar first?" I shook my head. 

"Not anymore. He needs time with Mum and Dad first, and now— I want some private time with you." Jake's face flushed and he turned away from me, 

"Fine, let's go. How are we getting home?" I pulled out my phone, almost forgetting that we had to arrange a taxi. That is going to be a bit pricey. 

"Felix!" I jumped and turned around to see Mum dashing back towards me. I quickly moved to her. Did something happen to Oscar by the time she got up there? 

"Mum, what happened?" Mum brushed off my fear, 

"Don't worry. I just needed to give you money for the taxi. It's only a hundred, but it should do, right?" My eyes widened and I nodded. 

"Yeah, Mum are you sure?" Mum nodded and smile on her face. 

"Yes. And there is also an extra hundred so make sure you boys get something to eat okay?" My eyes almost burst out of my head from shock, 

"Mum! Are you crazy?! We can't take that!" Mum shook her head, shooting me down. 

"No, you will, and you don't get to argue. You boys need to get home and make sure you stay alive and safe. Text me regularly and make sure to call at least once a day, or I will get you a babysitter." My eyes widened and I shook my head. There is no way in hell that I was having a babysitter while Jake was over! 

"Okay, don't get a babysitter! We'll do what you ask, just don't be so dramatic and go be with your son!" I grabbed the money from her hand and walked back over to Jake, 

"Okay. Thank you, Felix, also, I've already called the two of you a taxi, it should be out front by now." I nodded and ran away. I honestly didn't want to look at Mum. I feel like if I tried to talk to her any longer, I would burst out and scream that I want to fuck Jake so hard right now— oh my god. I just said that to myself. That's okay— nope, not good. Now I want to go home very, very quickly. 

I grabbed Jake's wrist and pulled him outside, where the taxi was already sitting in wait for us. I grinned and ran over to the car pulling the door open, sliding into the backseat with Jake. 

"I take it you are the boys that want to go to Bremin?" We nodded and the driver sighed. "Okay, I'll leave you to your business. We shouldn't be too long." Right— too long. Everything is long if you're waiting for something like I am! I groaned and leant my head onto Jake's shoulder. His head then leant down on mine and I smiled. This was nice. But I wanted more. 

I wanted passionate kisses and I wanted steam and love. I wanted to be able to call Jake completely mine and I wanted to love him forever. This boy may have been my bully a month ago, but now— now he was my everything. And I hoped that I was his. 

We made it back home— eventually. I paid the fare and dragged Jake out of the car and straight towards my bedroom. I slammed open the door, locking it tightly afterwards and covering the window part of it with a curtain. 

"Felix, what are you rushing around for?" I froze. How eager was I? I wasn't acting normally. How was I going to say this to him? 'Jake, I love you so much that I want you to fuck me so hard that I sleep for a week?' Of fucking course, I can't say that to him! 

"Jake— I'm ready." That will do— right? I turned to Jake, who's face flushed. 

"Are you serious?" I nodded. If I don't do it now, and back out, I don't think this will come up again for a long while. And I don't want to risk hurting Jake like that. I want to be able to make him happy and I want to be able to make him happy now. 

"Yeah. I love you." Jake nodded and walked up to me, placing his arms around my waist. I smiled and cuddled into him, 

"Are you sure?" Oh my god Jake, please just hurry up and do this before I change my mind and fuck you. Oh— that was a weird thought. This is gonna be kinda weird.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

Felix's P.O.V

I was shitting myself. Thankfully it wasn't literally, I was just terrified. I don't know what I'm doing. I was going, to have sex— with Jake, who is also a guy— who was also my lover and boyfriend. I have never truly considered doing this before today because I always kept on thinking that Jake's feelings were fake and that he didn't really love me, so why would I want to give myself to someone that doesn't truly love me, but now I know his feelings are real, so I want to give him all of me.

"Felix, are you sure you're sure about this?" I nodded and walked over to Jake, moving him to the bed. I pressed my lips to his. Jake responded lightly, slightly hesitant. Why was he being so careful like this? I frowned and pulled away from Jake.

"What are you doing?" Jake frowned in return,

"I don't understand what you're talking about." He was playing dumb. I growled and took a step away from Jake. We were still standing next to the bed. We didn't even make it to the bed, and he couldn't do it.

"Why aren't you being serious about this?!" My voice was slightly raised, and I was beginning to cry. "I love you so much, Jake! Yet you're doing this! I just want to be with you fully and you won't let us!" Jake growled, stepping over to me, grabbing my body and before I could react, he threw me onto the bed, pinning me under his body.

"Felix, I don't believe that you understand how much I want that too. But I'm scared." I froze. Wait, Jake Riles being scared of something— that wasn't good; what was he scared of?

"Why are you scared?" Jake frowned, tears coming to his eyes.

"I don't want to end up like our parents. I don't want us to be so in love, that when a family comes along, we don't rip it apart. My parents hate each other, your parents spend half their time yelling at one another and worrying constantly, they don't get a single second to breathe." I was shocked, to say the least,

"Jake—" Jake placed his lips on mine, pressing lightly. I responded but he pulled away too quickly,

"I don't want to hurt you, now, or in the future. Felix, you are my everything and if I could, I would mar— no, never mind. That's for another time." I cocked my head, what was he going to say?

"Jake, I-" Jake smiled down at me, his hand brushing my cheek lightly. I pressed my head closer to his hand, not wanting it to move away. I love you, Jake Riles, with everything that I could ever possibly give, and I swear we won't end up like either of our parents.

I wanted to say those words to him, but they couldn't escape my mouth, they were too scared to. I was too scared to. I don't want to be stuck in an infinite loop of fear with Jake. I want us to be able to break out of our bubble and be happy forever, but something came back to my mind.

"Jake?" I asked and Jake hummed in response. "You've considered us having a family?" As the second question left my mouth, Jake's face slowly but quickly turned red. He quickly climbed off of me and sat on the edge of my bed, his face in his hands. I laughed lightly and bit my lip. Why was he so cute?

"Please don't remind me that I said that." The words were mumbled, but I understood everything. I laughed and crawled over to Jake, throwing my arms around his shoulders, catching his attention. As soon as I was close enough, I pressed my lips to his ear,

"Don't worry, I want a family too." Well— I do now that Jake said he wanted one. Jake froze as if his breathing had completely stopped too. "Jake?" Suddenly Jake jumped and I was pinned to the bed again, lips roughly pressed against mine. I responded with thirst, my body completely craving Jake at this point.

"Are you sure you want to do this with me?" I nodded lightly as Jake pulled away, I looked at his face. He was tinged red and his skin was beginning to glisten with sweat. I nodded again and Jake nodded in returned, pulling off of me.

We sat up and Jake moved us to the top of the bed, where all my pillows remained in a mountain. Together we leant against the pillows and Jake looked at my face. I bit my lip as my face flushed. Why was he staring at me so intently? This gaze— it was powerful and beautiful. I pushed myself towards Jake, my feeling unable to hold themselves back.

Jake grinned and kissed me in return. Our lips moved, slowly gaining in speed. It felt weird, but I liked it! Jake's tongue slid out, tapping on my lips and before I could stop myself, my mouth opened and Jake's tongue slid in.

It was warm, and wet, and odd. I can't remember if we've ever kissed like this, and I don't know if I like it. Jake's tongue touched mine, and I moan escaped from low in my throat. Jake's hands began making their way under my clothes, his want hands making contact with my cold skin. My body jumped, pressing myself closer to Jake. God, I want this so much! I never realised that I wanted Jake like this before.

My hands made their way to Jake's flannel, and I began sliding it off of his shoulders. Jake leant up slightly, not breaking our lips as his flannel came off. It was weird, the thought of Jake not wearing his flannel but not being naked either. I didn't like that thought. Before I could stop myself, I was pushing Jake's shirt up and off over his head, forcing him to break the kiss.

"Felix— are you— okay?" My face flushed at the thought that I was able to make Jake out of breath.

"Yeah it's just— the thought of you without your flannel is weird. So the shirt had to go so it wasn't so weird." Jake sniggered, covering his mouth with one of the hands he had removed from my body.

"Are you serious?" I nodded and Jake laughed, suddenly pulling me close, pressing his forehead to mine, "Felix— you are the most adorable little thing I have ever met." I flushed and Jake pressed his lips back to mine. I groaned and I began working on removing my jacket and shirt so that I matched Jake.

I suddenly felt self-conscious. I don't think that Jake has seen me without a shirt for a long time. Jake broke our kiss and looked down at my body. My eyes widened and I grabbed his face, pulling his head back up to meet my eyes.

"Please— I don't want— I can't—" Jake nodded and wrapped his arms around my body.

"Is because of everything that you've done to yourself over the years?" I nodded and Jake sighed. "Do you want us to stop?" I shook my head, of course, I don't want us to stop. It was too hard to convince him to even do it.

"NO! I just— just don't look at me? Look at my face?" Jake smiled lightly at me. I'm so happy he understands. Jake pressed his lips back to mine, and we continued kissing again. I was still so scared that he was going to look, but I trusted him.

Jake's hands slid all over my skin and chest, familiarising himself with it, causing my cheeks to redden with heat. This sensation was amazing, my brain couldn't even concentrate on the fact the Jake could feel every bad thing about me, the feeling of Jake's rough hands on my skin was too much stimulation.

A heat in my pants continued to grow the more we kissed, the more Jake felt. Courage welled up inside of me, and my hands moved to Jake's chest, touching him lightly. Jake jumped at the feeling of my cold hands, well, either I'm cold or Jake is just really warm. 

"Felix?" I hummed in response, causing Jake to groan and grip my body tighter. "Can we do more?" Was he asking to make sure I was alright? I nodded lightly and Jake's hands moved to my pants, sitting on the front of them. Instantly, I knew he could feel me. my face flushed and I pulled away from Jake's face, covering myself face with my hands. I groaned and Jake laughed,

"Don't laugh! It's not funny," Jake laughed again. He was so bright, I loved it.

"No, no, it's just— your reaction to it is adorable." I groaned again, covering as much of my face as I possibly could.

"Shuddap. Just— just do it." I kept my face covered. It was mostly to distract myself. I didn't want Jake looking at my body, but how do I know if he's doing it when I can't see him— that works— right?

"Felix, you're beautiful. You know that right." I growled but I didn't respond. How the fuck am I supposed to respond—

"Ahh!" I was cut off by Jake suddenly placing his hands on me. Jake's hands were swift to undo my button and zip. I wasn't looking, but the sounds were too weird, too different, too— addictive.

"Lift your bottom half." I nodded, not sure if Jake could even see me. I pressed my feet and shoulders into the bed, lifting my stomach and butt off of the bed. I felt my pants slide down to my knees. My body jolted back down into the bed when a kiss was placed on my navel.

"J-Jake— w-what a-are—?" Jake sniggered slightly and I leant up, hitting him on the head lightly. He grabbed my wrist and his pushed me back down, leaning on the side of my body as his lips pressed back to mine.

I didn't want to kiss him back, but it was too nice. His lips were like smelling your favourite flowers every morning, even if everyone else hates them, or watching your favourite T.V over and over again, or re-reading a book your read five times in the last month, and you end up quoting it word for word, but you still cry at the end. It was a weird kind of addictive.

My lips began moving against Jake's again and his tongue slipped back into my mouth, mixing with my tongue. Damn, I never knew kissing could be so messy. We were still kissing slowly, but with every tongue twist, our saliva would mix, and it didn't weird me out, which I think was nice.

"Nng." I broke our kiss when I felt Jake's hand on my front, on top of my boxers which still remained on so I had some dignity. "J-Jake—" Jake pulled away from me again and finished pulling my pant from my legs before returning back to my head.

"You are far more beautiful that you think you are, Felix. Please don't ever believe that you are ugly." A small, choked noise escaped my throat. How does he know how to say the right words to get into my head and fix everything?

"You're the one that's amazing, Jake. You being able to say a few words and I'm falling for you all over again. I'm lucky to have you." Jake smiled and pressed his lips back to me, one of his hands wrapped around me, the other dipping into the front of my boxers.

"Gah!" The more Jake and I kissed, and the more he explored my body, the more sounds escaped me.

One of my hands was sitting, wrapped slightly around Jake while the other gathered up the courage and moved to the front of Jake's pants, dipping in the front. Jake groaned lightly, his hand halting on me before he continued again.

"Feli— Felix. Can you— take them off?" My heart wanted to leap out of my throat at those words, but if I didn't do it, there was no use continuing was there?

I moved the hands that were sitting wrapped around Jake and moved it to assist the other in undoing Jake's pants. He wasn't reacting to my hands, but I guess he was better at controlling his emotions, whereas I was just a wreck. Once the button and zip were undone, I slipped the pants down slightly, but I couldn't get them off in this position.

Jake pulled himself away from me and began taking his pants off himself, all while keeping eye contact with me. Every few seconds I would break the eye contact, and I would look down at Jake's hands taking his pants off. Why was it so hot? I threw my head back into my pillows and Jake laughed again,

"Don't worry, Felix. We'll get there eventually. Just you wait." My face flushed and I groaned covering my face with my hands again. Warm hands gripped my hips and I jumped slightly, not expecting it.

I looked up to see Jake was down near my legs, staring intently at my privates. I groaned and looked away again. Why the fuck does he look so interested in my privates? Oh yeah, because he is about to fuck me— and that's where he is going to do it. Wait, does he even know how to do it?

"Jake— do you even know what you're doing?" Jake looked up at me and smiled smugly,

"Felix, you know that I have liked you for several months now right?" I nodded slowly, wondering where this conversation was going and Jake smirked,

"So what do you think a teenage boy would do with his spare time, thinking about doing dirty things with the one he loves?" My eyes widened and I flipped myself over, shoving my face into the pillows. I don't ever want to come out of here. That was just too awkward. I mean, sure, I wanted to know, but now I think I didn't want to know.

"Jake, that it just— that's too awkward," I muttered lowly into the pillows when a huge weight landed on top of me,

"Sorry, what was that? I didn't quite hear you from down by your di—" I growled lowly, cutting Jake off. I was about to respond when I froze. Jake was laying on top of me, and I felt something press into me, right on my ass. Oh god, that was his— I cried out and buried myself even deeper. What are these feelings welling up inside of me?!

Jake's climbed off of me and laid next to me, placing his head right next to mine. I pulled my head out from the pillows, my hair going into my eyes, irritating me. Jake's hand reached up and brushed my hair out of the way, stopping it from irritating me. Jake leant in and pressed his lips against mine for a split second.

"Everything okay for you?" I nodded lightly.

"I guess. What do we do?" My face turned beet at my question and Jake smiled.

"I think it might be best if I just do it, instead of telling you. I get the feeling you might overreact." I stopped freaking out internally and pondered for a bit. Yeah, he's right— I do tend to overreact.

"Sounds good." Jake nodded and sat up as I rolled myself back over, exposing my front to Jake.

Jake made his way back down to my legs and slipped his hands into the sides of my boxers, tugging on them slightly. I lifted my hips and squeezed my eyes shut as my final piece of clothing was gone. I was completely exposed to Jake, and it made me want to crawl in a hole and die, I don't care if I'm naked.

"Beautiful." How can he say that? Embarrassment didn't take me over, disgust did. My body was horrible, how could he call it beautiful? I was horrible, I was covered in scars, left, right and centre. My skin was pale and scarred, ribs were visible enough to count each one and there were still some slightly fresh cuts, scattered on my body from the last time I cut.

"Jake—" Before I could say anything else, Jake cut me off. By touching me. "Hhn!" Jake's hand made its way to my front and grabbed me before I could say anything back about myself.

"You are not ugly. You turned yourself into a work of art, and you don't like your result in the race, but I like it. It shows that you are human, and you feel pain. It shows that you don't take care of yourself enough, but there's someone here for that now. You have me. everything you don't believe you can do by yourself, I will be there for you no matter what. Okay?" I nodded light as tears filled my eyes. Why does he have to do so many things that alter the way I've thought for so many years, with only a few words?

"I love you, Jake." Jake's hand moved on me more and I groaned, a heat beginning to form in my body. Jake's hand felt amazing, and to be honest, I never thought that I would feel like this.

I felt horrible and there was an odd pain in my heart. I felt like I don't deserve Jake and that he should be with someone less damaged. But then there's a side of me, a side that wants to keep him all to myself. I want to lock him away and never let anyone ever see him again. I want to keep him safe because he makes me feel beautiful, and I like that.

"Felix." My body began tensing as an odd feeling stirred in my body. Something warm touched the side of my hip and I looked to see Jake's head, kissing my hips and pelvic bone. That and Jake's hand was too much, I wasn't used to this. The feeling in the body skyrocketed and I climaxed before I even really knew what was happening.

"Nng!" Something warm landed on my stomach and hips and I looked to see Jake had pulled away from my hip and was staring at my face, which was beginning to sweat. Jake smirked and leaning up, he began licking my release before I could react. My eyes widened and before I could react, I was already hard again. Why was Jake so erotic?

"You okay?" I nodded, swallowing loudly. This was weird, but it was nice. Was this what being in a relationship was like? Damn, I should have tried this sooner. But— what's next? "Can we move on?" I nodded lightly, wanting to know what was next, but at the same time, I didn't. I heard a crack and I lifted my head to see Jake holding a bottle of something in his hands.

"What's that?" Jake laughed at me, hiding the bottle behind himself.

"For now, you don't need to know. I'll tell you after." I frowned but laid back down. It wasn't that I was scared, I just— I mostly wanted this to last forever and to never end. The real stuff hasn't even started yet I was acting like this. God, am I lame or what?

"Ahh!" I squealed out when something warm but cold touched my butt.

"Felix, you need to relax. It will be too hard for you if you tense up." I frowned. He was asking me to relax when he was about to shove something unknown to me up my asshole? Gah! This boy was irritating! I closed my eyes and set my body back into the bed, taking my thoughts from what Jake was doing now, and returning to what Jake did previously.

My stomach suddenly felt weird, like something was inside when it shouldn't be. I lifted my head, but I couldn't see anything, but that was when something moved. I groaned. I couldn't tell if that was painful or not.

"Felix, do you know what I'm doing?" I shook my head, my voice refusing to work as whatever Jake was putting inside of me, kept on moving in and out in a rhythm. "That's my finger." I wanted to scream, but the most I got out was a little gasp as Jake hit something inside of me, that caused me to jump.

"Nng! Ahh!" Something bigger entered me, and I still couldn't react to Jake telling me that his finger was inside of me a few seconds ago. What was it now?

"I've put three fingers now." What?! I wanted to scream, but something inside of me kept on being hit, and it kept on cutting me off. Noises escaping from me before I could stop them.

"J-J-Ja-ke—" I could barely choke out Jake's name as I felt the same feeling as before building up in me. Suddenly, everything was gone. Jake's fingers, the feeling of something inside of me being hit, and the feeling of release. Something bigger suddenly began entering me, and I cried out in pain. Jake's arms clung to my body, holding me still as I unconsciously tried to move away from whatever was entering me now.

"Felix, you need to hold still. This is it. Just— just push through it." I stopped moving and I nodded. This was it. Jake and I were having sex, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. Jake moved suddenly and slammed his body into me and groaned in pain. My stomach felt full and my lower half felt quite weird.

"J-Jake—" I didn't know what to say. I pulled Jake's head from the mattress up to mine, placing my lips against his, I pressed my tongue into his mouth, and it was as if Jake had woken from a sleep. He instantly began pressing himself in and out of me. Each movement caused a different reaction in me. Sometimes it was painful, sometimes it was so good I thought I would black out.

"F-Felix—" Jake groaned out my name and it spurred my body. My legs moved and wrapped around Jake's waist atop of me while my arms wrapped around Jake's neck, holding him close to me. Jake's lips split from mine and he began kissing my neck.

My body was heating up, and I couldn't control it. I didn't want to slow down, I wanted to speed up. Every one of Jake's thrusts was hitting a spot that made me cry out every time it was touched. I wanted more,

"M-more— J-Jake—" Jake nodded from the crook of my neck and began pressing into my harder, my cries coming out louder than before.

"I'm c-close," Jake grunted to me and I nodded. I'm okay with that. My body clung tighter to Jake as the same feeling from before built in me again. My body tensed and Jake groaned, slamming into even harder than before. I cried out as the sudden pain pushed overboard and I was drowning in pleasure. I came before I could stop myself, and as I did, something warm filled me up inside and I knew Jake did too.

I unhooked my limbs from Jake and he laid down next to me, the both of us panting like crazy. I looked at Jake, who was staring at me, his face covered in sweat and was red. I laughed at him slightly before moving over and snuggling up to him.

"That— was amazing." It was hot, and I was out of breath, but I wanted to be near Jake. Jake nodded, agreeing with me. 

"Yeah. It was different to what I thought I would be." I laughed, my eyes drifting shut. Before I knew it, I was asleep. 

When I woke, Jake's loud snores filled my ears and I wanted to laugh. When I gathered the energy, I opened my eyes to find Jake's naked chest right in front of my eyes. Still as hot as I remember. 

I began rolling myself over when a slight pain jolted through my lower half, and my memory recalled everything that happened last night. Oh god— I finally had sex with Jake. It actually happened. I turned my head back to Jake, who was sleeping soundly, well— sorta, he was sleep talking. 

"Felix— marry me." I froze, wait for what? Suddenly words flew into my head from last night. 

'Felix, you are my everything and if I could, I would mar— no, never mind—' Oh god— that's what he was going to say earlier. He was going to say he would marry me. My hands covered my mouth to stop a scream from escaping me. 

Did I even want to marry Jake? I mean, he was my everything, but it's just I don't— I don't know how to be someone good enough to marry. I groan came from next to me, and I turned back to see Jake, slowly beginning to wake up. I moved back to him, and he hugged me tightly. 

"Jake?" I asked and the giant groaned in response. "Can you open your eyes?" He groaned, 

"Just a sec. I wanna— I'm in bed in this dream, in my mind." I smirked, leaning onto Jake slightly, our naked bodies pressing together causing me to blush, 

"And what dream is that, Jake?" Jake smiled, humming lightly, 

"Hmm, one where we had sex for the first time, and when we woke up, I proposed to you— and you said— yes," I smirked, 

"Well, what if I did say yes." Jake's body tensed and the smile on his face disappeared. His eyes shot open and he looked to me. 

"Did we actually?" I nodded, a smirk on my face, "And did I—?" I nodded again, 

"Indirectly propose to me? Yes, yes you did. And also, I am saying yes." Jake's eye widened and he stared at me in shock. 

"Are you serious?" I nodded, leaning on Jake's chest, staring at his face. 

"Yeah, I am. But— you will have to ask me properly in a few years. For now, it's unofficial, but we are engaged. No ring or gay doesn't matter to me." We did it again after that. It was one of the best days of my life. Well, so far. I'm still waiting for the rest of everything to happen.


	16. Chapter 16

Epilogue: 

It's been ten years since Jake finally made me completely his. We were living in central Melbourne and it was far different from our small little Bremin. I guess we were still almost getting used to it. We've been living in Melbourne since we entered University. 

Surprisingly, Jake didn't go to Uni for a sports or anything involving a team. He went for a teaching course, teaching P.E and health and human development. It was an odd choice, but in the end, I think it suited him. He was good at guiding people as they developed. It showed with our son, Declan. 

Jake and I adopted him when we were nineteen. Declan was six when we adopted him. He was thirteen now. He was in high school while I was doing a partial home study and school study of psychology. 

I got into the study when I was in my final years of high school. I wanted to be able to help people that didn't feel happy with themselves and I wanted them to be able to feel happy about everything. That was when I thought about adopting a child. 

Since I was already only doing a partial home study, I knew I would be able to stay at home with a child. It took a while for Jake and me to decide how old we wanted the child to be, but we chose an older child since younger kids generally have a better chance of being adopted. 

Declan was nice. He was a good boy and he talked to us. He always wanted to have a nice, happy family and now he had it. He had us. We were happy. Jake had finished his university study and was teaching part time and coaching at the nearest footy oval. We lived a happy life.

I lifted my head and turned my head to the clock. It was nearing four, meaning Jake will be home to drop Declan off from school. Jake would then have to head back out and head down to the footy oval for a coaching session. 

"Dad! I'm home!" A smile graced my face at the sound of my son's voice. I stood up from my desk and walked out of the spare room we used as a study. 

"Hey Dec, how was school?" I walked into the foyer where Declan was taking off his shoes. I smiled at him, he's gotten bigger again. I swear, this kid was going to be bigger than Jake, and Jake was bigger than me. 

"Yeah, it was good. Evan was there today." I smiled at him. Evan was one of Declan's few friends. Evan was a boy who was constantly sick so he mainly studied from home, so him being at school was something nice for Declan. Evan was his closest friend. 

"That's good. Was he feeling a little better?" Declan nodded, his head of brown hair shaking around. I remember the day he decided to grow his hair out a little. He saw an old photo of me when I was fifteen. My hair was long, around near my shoulders. This, of course, was before Oscar's accident. I cut my hair a little shorter after that incident and it didn't change until I was about eighteen, and I cut it to an even shorter length, leaving me with more of a normal hairstyle. 

Declan stood up straight. Wow, I forget how handsome my son was. He was going to be a lady-killer, or boy, whatever he prefers. He was already standing at my shoulders in height. He had thin shoulders and his frame was similar to mine. He has light brown hair, which stood out next to mine or Jake's. Jake's being dirty blonde while mine had returned to its natural dark brown. 

We let Declan choose what school he went to, meaning he wore a simple uniform since he chose a public school. Jake and I didn't really care where Declan went to school, just as long as he was happy and had friends. 

"Will Dad be home for tea?" I shrugged at Declan. It was a Thursday meaning Jake would more than likely be late back from the footy oval. 

"I think you know the answer to that question." Declan sighed sadly and I frowned. I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. "Sweetie, football was his passion when we were your age, just let the poor boy love it for a little longer." I didn't want to say that Jake didn't want to end up like his Dad, someone who loved football from the couch and was lazy. We didn't talk about Jake's Dad much. In the end, he wasn't very supportive of us since he was too self-absorbed, it was near impossible for us to even tell him. 

"Yeah. Okay." I frowned. Declan loved his Dad and was sad whenever he wasn't there for tea, which was only two or three nights a week, but he always made sure to go give Declan a kiss goodnight, even if he was already asleep. 

"Well, do you know what happening once holidays start?" I let Declan out of the hug and he gave me a confused look as we walked to his bedroom so he could get changed. 

"No, what happening?" I smiled at him. I really hope he likes this news. 

"We may or may not be going to Bremin to see my brother." At the mention of Oscar, Declan jumped up. Shortly after Jake and I got together, Oscar became critically sick. It turns out his immune system was using too much energy trying to repair his spinal cord, that he was open to harmful viruses, meaning he was constantly sick. He was hospitalised and was in a coma for a week as his body worked to rid itself of the virus and try to heal him at the same time. 

As time passed, technology advanced and the ability to re-write the coding for his immune system was altered, and his body put all of its effort towards healing and keeping away viruses, meaning that Oscar was no longer sick, nor was he in constant pain. He was better nowadays, still paralysed, but he was happy. He loved seeing his nephew.

"No way!" I smiled and nodded. Declan's smile grew and he laughed as he went and laid down on his bed. 

"Yep. For the entire first week." Declan threw his fist up in the air with happiness. I leant against his door, happy to see Declan so pumped. "So, fast food for dinner?" I had just realised that it was getting late and I hadn't prepped anything for tea. Declan sat up and nodded. 

"Sounds good Dad." I smiled widely at him and walked out of the room and back to my study. Declan was a good boy, he'll come and get me when he's hungry. 

************************************

"Hey Dad, did you want to go and get food now?" I jumped at the sound of Declan's voice breaking my train of thought as I took notes from a textbook. I swivelled around in my chair and turned to the doorway where Declan was standing, a smile on his lips. 

"Yeah, sounds good. What are you hungry for?" Declan shrugged and I laughed, walking out of the room. If Declan doesn't know what he wants, then pizza it is. 

"How about we head down the street to the new pizza place, test it out?" Declan's eyes lit up and he nodded. 

"Yeah! Sounds good!" I smiled at him and I grabbed my wallet, shoving it in my pocket when I opened the front door to see Jake standing there. I jumped in shock as Jake did the same, not expecting the door to open. "Dad!" Declan jumped on Jake and gave him a big hug. I bit my lip and smiled at the two of them. 

"Hi Honey. What are you doing home so early?" Jake shrugged, shaking Declan off of him, making me laugh lightly. 

"Most of the boys had rides home this week. You do know it's already six thirty, right?" My eyes widened and I turned to Declan shocked, 

"Declan! Why didn't you get me sooner? You must be starving!" Declan flushed red and shrugged, 

"I wanted to see if we could go out with Dad. He said he would be home before seven and I heard the car pull up out front." I frowned at Declan as Jake pulled me into a hug, kissing me on the cheek. I frowned and grabbed his face, forcing him to kiss me on the lips. Jake laughed and kissed me. Declan made a grossed out sound from next to us and we broke the kiss. 

"Well, since we are going for pizza, did you want to join us Super Dad?" The nickname was a joke between us. Since Jake was always doing so many things, one wouldn't normally have enough time for their family, but Jake made sure to always have time for us. 

"Sounds perfect. Shall we go?" I smiled and we all nodded. This was perfect. This was my family, this was my life. My perfect husband and son. Everything was perfect, and we all loved each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I will update this every Wednesday until all of it is up. I'm hoping this was help me set a routine. I know some of it is a bit unrealistic, but Felix eats minimal food and gets minimal sleep.


End file.
